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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

make dd go on a cruise with us

132 replies

Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 07:40

My dd is 13 and has been on 2 cruises ( when she was about 8)
Both times she got sick. The 1st she caught the norovirus from me - I picked up the bug and shared a water bottle (I'm guessing) the 2nd she was sea sick as the Atlantic was really choppy. So really unlucky both times. (I was ill too)

I love cruises and been on 4 of them though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off.

The last 3 years have been bad in our household due to illness. My dh had a knee op that went wrong and now struggles to walk long distance and has managed to wean himself off tablets. I have had various health scares.
The last few years we have gone to beachy resorts in Spain, canaries etc. Where we have had the odd excursion but mainly dossed around by a pool.
This year we had hoped to go to New York where dd really wants to go, but my dh wouldn't be able to do it without lots of preparation (yet)

I've been racking my head as where to go and I keep coming back to cruises. Perfect for dh because of his disability, lots of lounging around, good food and entertainment and we could do excursions and see some of the cities.

But dd refuses point blank to go. It would be around the med so really calm and I've told her she could catch the sickness bug anywhere.

What would you do. Make her go so dh and I can have a nice holiday though she might be in a sulk
Give in and go somewhere else. Where we are all sort of happy

I know .... what a problem to have!.
My head is saying make her go she's being unreasonable as a cruise is perfect for dh and he works hard and struggles every day. but my heart is saying I'm being unreasonable making her go on something with an irrational (to me at least) fear

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 02/08/2018 12:05

BoxsetsAndPopcorn Thu 02-Aug-18 10:58:33
She's the kid - she does as she's told

How nice hmm some of us think of our children and their feelings though,

So because she's not a wage earner she has to put up and shut up? If a man came on here saying how wife didn't work so got no say in a holiday he would be pulled apart. No different.

Well it is, because she's a CHILD, not an ADULT.

speakout · 02/08/2018 12:11

So we don't take a child's feelings into consideration- they have to obey their parents - always?

Does that extend to everything?

Bluelady · 02/08/2018 12:14

So we do what we like with our children regardless of how unhappy or poorly it might make them? Fantastic parenting.

JacquesHammer · 02/08/2018 12:16

Well it is, because she's a CHILD, not an ADULT

So we ride roughshod over any child's feelings and opinions because they're not an adult?

Cracking parenting

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 02/08/2018 12:19

With her two previous experiences are you surprised? I wouldn't want to go after that either!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/08/2018 12:23

Some strange attitudes on here. Surely as a family you all try your best to find something that suits you all with a bit of give and take!

Sleepyblueocean · 02/08/2018 12:28

You will have plenty of opportunities to go on cruises when she is an adult which isn't too far way.

umizoomi · 02/08/2018 12:48

I wouldn't force her because it will be miserable.

To those saying it's not for kids and teenagers then you haven't been on the right cruise. Same with hygiene, Royal Caribbean are really hot on this.

bigbluebus · 02/08/2018 12:55

I think she has a valid reason for not wanting to go on a cruise and if you force her then it could be a self fulfilling prophecy due to stress!

I am very much of the school of thought that says don't let children rule your life but in your position I wouldn't be making my DC go but looking for a compromise to suit everyone. All of our holidays were designed with DS in mind and what he would enjoy - a week on a sun lounger by a pool would have bored him to tears. Now he doesn't come with us we are free to choose what suits us. She won't be 13 forever!

marns · 02/08/2018 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancergirl · 02/08/2018 13:07

You will have plenty of opportunities to go on cruises when she is an adult which isn't too far way

It's not about the OP being desparate to go on a cruise. She's trying to find a holiday that her dh with disability issues will be able to manage.

UpstartCrow · 02/08/2018 13:07

There are themed camps and holidays for teenagers, why wouldnt you send them on one of those so you can all have an enjoyable holiday?

AJPTaylor · 02/08/2018 13:25

I suffer from sea sickness. Even on the iow ferry. Its dreadful once it takes hold. Nothing helps except dry land.
Dont make her go.

MrsPeacockDidIt · 02/08/2018 13:34

I suffer with travel sickness and sea sickness is the worse of the lot. A cruise is my idea of absolute hell and would seem like a punishment rather than a treat. Please don't force your daughter to go on one.

CrazyDaisy2018 · 02/08/2018 13:39

I haven't RTFT yet, but I just wanted to say after 4 cruises, the roughest weather we've ever had was in the Mediterranean, so please don't assume it will be calm.

It was full on force 10 winds, barred from going outside, almost falling out of bed at night rough. Sick bags on bannisters (emptied by people that needed them), and empty dining room because so many people were ill (yay - more food for me!).

Little known fact though is that most cruise ships will give out free anti-sickness medication, so you wouldn't necessarily need to take it with you.

The first sickness your DD had was unfortunate and obviously not related to the ship movement, but at 13 all she probably remembers is that she was sick both times she's been.

I'm honestly in two minds. Chances are she'll be fine, but it will be an unhappy and uncomfortable wait for you until you go as at 13 she'll make it clear she's not happy!

On the other hand, I totally understand how it would suit you with your DH's disability. Cruises are excellent holidays for the less mobile.

RuggerHug · 02/08/2018 14:20

OP for love nor money would I get a cruise because I don't do boats or open water. The rest of my family do and enjoy but I just have shit bad luck. Think injuries, life boats, drownings, wrong dockings and hitchhiking back etc. Bad things happen when I'm on one but I kept trying because everyone else enjoyed it. I'm now at the stage where I'm only getting on one if I'm valium and whiskey-d up to the eyeballs and it's the only way off this island because the ice caps have melted faster than expected.

If you force her and she's sick at all she will never be willing to try another time and will never forgive you.

SavvySaver24 · 02/08/2018 14:36

She is 13... you are her parent. She can't refuse to go, quite frankly she should be grateful she is being taken on holiday. As you say circumstances were unlucky in regards to her being sea sick. Either leave her behind with someone if you can, or make her go. I wouldn't be dictated to by my child abot where I could or couldn't go on holiday.

JacquesHammer · 02/08/2018 15:17

She can't refuse to go, quite frankly she should be grateful she is being taken on holiday

Nice.

Gabilan · 02/08/2018 20:45

if she has went on cruises before and enjoyed herself then why not go again?

She's been twice. She's been ill twice.

I wouldn't be dictated to by my child abot where I could or couldn't go on holiday.

It's not about being dictated to. It's discussing what all of you want to do. Why would you make someone you supposedly love do something you know they'll hate?

I went through this as a child. My parents are actually pretty mild but they themselves were brought up to believe children just had to go along with you whatever. As soon as I was able, I just stopped holidaying with them.

LyndorCake · 02/08/2018 21:16

I worked on cruise ships until 2 years ago when I had DS.
Sailing out of Southampton crossing the bay of Biscay is usually a bit rocky most of the year so there is often a seaday there and back where those with motion sickness suffer the most.
What cruise liners have you sailed on with your DD? Personally I don't think there is a lot to do on most of them for a 13 year old. Depending on the ship, they're generally great for adults and young children and sort of skip over the early teen entertainment. At 13 I know I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be enrolled in a kids club.

Why not do your main holiday elsewhere a have a mini cruise later in the year?

mumprincess12 · 02/08/2018 21:22

I would only do it if you could choose it together so she was totally on board with it - either because of facilities on the ship or because of places she would like to visit.

I'm not a martyr but if my kids are happy on holiday then so am I!

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 02/08/2018 21:36

If you go on a cruiseline like Royal Caribbean there will be tons for her to do and lots of teens to hang out with. I took my dd when she was about that age and she had a great time. If she's worried about feeling sick then the pressure wristbands are fantastic and really help. But having cruised the Med 3 times now, the only time we felt any movement was crossing the Bay of Biscay the first time on a cruise from Southampton. The rest of the time was amazingly smooth.

Ethylred · 02/08/2018 22:15

Why are you even asking this?
You write Dear Daughter so presumably you think you love her. If you do actually love her then do NOT force her to go on a holiday she hates.

SadieHH · 03/08/2018 09:16

We go as a big family group including kids ranging from 15, 12, 10 and 6. They adore it and some of them are on their 8th trip. The older ones make friends really easily and we barely see them. And we travel Cunard, not the big flashy Butlins-on-Sea type ships.

WilburIsSomePig · 04/08/2018 08:36

Surely as a family you all try your best to find something that suits you all with a bit of give and take!

No no no! Don't you understand @BigSandyBalls2015? She's only a CHILD, therefore, should not be considered. Apparently.

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