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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

make dd go on a cruise with us

132 replies

Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 07:40

My dd is 13 and has been on 2 cruises ( when she was about 8)
Both times she got sick. The 1st she caught the norovirus from me - I picked up the bug and shared a water bottle (I'm guessing) the 2nd she was sea sick as the Atlantic was really choppy. So really unlucky both times. (I was ill too)

I love cruises and been on 4 of them though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off.

The last 3 years have been bad in our household due to illness. My dh had a knee op that went wrong and now struggles to walk long distance and has managed to wean himself off tablets. I have had various health scares.
The last few years we have gone to beachy resorts in Spain, canaries etc. Where we have had the odd excursion but mainly dossed around by a pool.
This year we had hoped to go to New York where dd really wants to go, but my dh wouldn't be able to do it without lots of preparation (yet)

I've been racking my head as where to go and I keep coming back to cruises. Perfect for dh because of his disability, lots of lounging around, good food and entertainment and we could do excursions and see some of the cities.

But dd refuses point blank to go. It would be around the med so really calm and I've told her she could catch the sickness bug anywhere.

What would you do. Make her go so dh and I can have a nice holiday though she might be in a sulk
Give in and go somewhere else. Where we are all sort of happy

I know .... what a problem to have!.
My head is saying make her go she's being unreasonable as a cruise is perfect for dh and he works hard and struggles every day. but my heart is saying I'm being unreasonable making her go on something with an irrational (to me at least) fear

OP posts:
MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 02/08/2018 09:50

YABVU. Please don't make your poor DD do this.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 02/08/2018 09:56

Cruises aren't designed for teenagers anyway.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 02/08/2018 09:56

Those of you saying that children shouldn't dictate family holidays - I agree if it's just about being bloody-minded/entitled. This isn't about either of those things for your DD. She has valid reasons for not wanting to go, based on prior experiences. Cruise ships are known for norovirus and sea sickness and there is nothing so debilitating as the nausea and vomiting resulting from either of these horrible conditions. I can quite understand the negative associations for your DD and really think you could find an alternative that meets everyone's needs.

WilburIsSomePig · 02/08/2018 09:57

I wouldn't let a child dictate where wage earners holidayed, book what suits and give her the option to either come or stay with someone while you go.

I don't see it as 'dictating'. We tend to go places that we're all interested in, so that we all enjoy the holiday rather than just DH and me. At 13, I wonder how many more holidays the OPs DD will go on with her - probably not that many.

And I wonder if you feel that only 'wage earners' get to decide holidays in all circumstances Eliza, for example, should a SAHP have no input in a family holiday? Does the 'wage earner' only decide?

SadieHH · 02/08/2018 09:59

As someone who gets horrendously sea sick (but still loves ships!) there is nothing more miserable than being on a ship, feeling dreadful and not being able to do anything about it so I have total sympathy with your dd. It's not just a preference, it's the difference between feeling fine and feeling like you want to die.

SadieHH · 02/08/2018 10:00

Cruises aren't designed for teenagers anyway.

Nonsense.

DistanceCall · 02/08/2018 10:09

Also - at 13/14 they are no longer really children, they are teenagers.

And a sulking, sullen teenager (and most likely, a vomiting teenager) can REALLY, REALLY ruin the holidays for everyone else.

mostdays · 02/08/2018 10:14

I wouldn't let a child dictate where wage earners holidayed

So if the child has a part time job and thus earns a wage, and one of their parents is a SAHP and does not earn a wage, the child would have more say in decisions?

mostdays · 02/08/2018 10:15

I don't think it is in any way reasonable to make someone who gets seasick go on a cruise.

Leesa65 · 02/08/2018 10:18

Don't make DD go OP .

If I had ever been "made" to go on a holiday , the type on which I had twice been sick already, I probably would not forget that.

Go somewhere that would suit all . Plenty of time for cruises when DD is old enough to be left/go away with friends herself etc

Dancergirl · 02/08/2018 10:19

Slightly different perspective here:

OP, is it just the fear of being sick that worries your dd? Or does she also not fancy a cruise? Have you talked to her about it? Of course you shouldn't make her go but I would talk to her. I have emetophobia myself so totally understands how she feels.

There is a massive difference between crossing the Atlantic and a Med cruise. We've done two Med cruises and you could not even feel the ship moving. Also cruises can be great for teens. When we went on ours, my older girls were early teens. There was so much for them to do on board and they had the freedom of the ship to wander around. We had an on board cinema, ice rink (!), pools/water slides and the evening shows were fab.

We've been with Royal Caribbean both times and they are very hot on hygiene. Constant reminders to wash your hands, they have hand gel when re-boarding the ship and at the entrance to the restaurants - they won't let you in until you've used it.

Also, don't necessarily assume your days are numbered for your dd coming on holiday for you. My oldest is 17 and has made it very clear she will be still coming on holiday with us for many years to come! Many of our friends are holidaying this year with their dc who are in their twenties!

Ifeelshit · 02/08/2018 10:23

My parents tried to make me go on a cruise when I was 15. I could see why they wanted to go, it looked lovely, the ship was huge and beautiful with loads of amenities but I absolutely fucking hate boats. I don't care how big, smooth or lovely it is. I do not like anything that floats on water. Never have, still don't. I do not get any kind of travel or sea sick. I have been on boats. I do not like them. I argued that it would be stupid to spend ~ £800 on something I would hate. That I would be better being left with my grandparents (who are lovely if a little boring). I didn't try and persuade them to go elsewhere, just refused to go myself.

Please don't force her. It wont end well. It will be a waste of money and potentially hurt your relationship with her and ruin your holiday.

SadieHH · 02/08/2018 10:24

Did a Spanish cruise at Easter and very definitely did feel the ship moving. The Atlantic in summer is calmer but still a problem for me. We always use Cunard so big sturdy ships but if you're prone to sickness then you'll feel every wave. Once you're on board though, head to the medical centre and ask for the injection. It was miraculous.

Ifeelshit · 02/08/2018 10:25

They didn't make me go, I spent 10 days with my grandparents. I do not regret that decision.

wrenika · 02/08/2018 10:45

She's the kid - she does as she's told.

glasserator · 02/08/2018 10:51

I’d book the cruise myself!

Bluelady · 02/08/2018 10:56

"She's the kid. She does as she's told". Great empathy there. She's not being difficult and saying she doesn't fancy it. She's saying she doesn't want a miserable holiday where she feels ill all the time. With that attitude the cruise ship could become the next generation's stately home.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/08/2018 10:58

She's the kid - she does as she's told

How nice Hmm some of us think of our children and their feelings though,

So because she's not a wage earner she has to put up and shut up? If a man came on here saying how wife didn't work so got no say in a holiday he would be pulled apart. No different.

Original poster
Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 11:08

Dancergirl

She's scared of being sick. She went on a ferry crossing earlier in the year with the brownies to France and was fine

She loved the cruise, she made really good friends with the other kids on our table. All our excursions were with these other families.
She was sea sick one day on a rough crossing from the canaries to Agadir. The boat was an old ferry not a cruise liner.

She got sick in the med because she drank from my water bottle and got the noro from me. She's older note and knows to wash her hands and not put then in her month

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 02/08/2018 11:17

She's the kid - she does as she's told

What a horrible attitude.

My DD is 11 and since she was 8 we have picked holidays together. A holiday is just as much a break for her as me, why on earth would I be selfish enough to force her into something she didn't want to do Confused

specialsubject · 02/08/2018 11:30

book her on a PGL and go on the cruise yourselves.

BTW you can get ill at an all-inclusive too, they are not famed for good hygiene either.

lb364 · 02/08/2018 11:30

I don't think you should 'force' her, she's old enough to make decisions for herself, but how about a cruise from NY?

A couple of days seeing the sights then you sail right past the Statue of Liberty on your way out, it's fab! Get her some seabands/medication and see if she'll agree...

Dancergirl · 02/08/2018 11:46

She's the kid - she does as she's told

Horrible attitude.

OP, I really would talk to dd and try and help her with her fear - you don't want it to escalate into full blown emetophobia. There might be times where your dd needs to travel by boat eg a school trip that she doesn't want to miss out on.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/08/2018 11:51

You would be very unreasonable to make her go given the strength of her opposition.

The run up will be awful. And it is hard to see how you could enjoy it if age is sulky and resentful. Part of being a family is to find holidays that you can all enjoy.

speakout · 02/08/2018 11:52

*She's the kid - she does as she's told

Horrible attitude.*

I agree- disgusting.