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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

make dd go on a cruise with us

132 replies

Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 07:40

My dd is 13 and has been on 2 cruises ( when she was about 8)
Both times she got sick. The 1st she caught the norovirus from me - I picked up the bug and shared a water bottle (I'm guessing) the 2nd she was sea sick as the Atlantic was really choppy. So really unlucky both times. (I was ill too)

I love cruises and been on 4 of them though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off.

The last 3 years have been bad in our household due to illness. My dh had a knee op that went wrong and now struggles to walk long distance and has managed to wean himself off tablets. I have had various health scares.
The last few years we have gone to beachy resorts in Spain, canaries etc. Where we have had the odd excursion but mainly dossed around by a pool.
This year we had hoped to go to New York where dd really wants to go, but my dh wouldn't be able to do it without lots of preparation (yet)

I've been racking my head as where to go and I keep coming back to cruises. Perfect for dh because of his disability, lots of lounging around, good food and entertainment and we could do excursions and see some of the cities.

But dd refuses point blank to go. It would be around the med so really calm and I've told her she could catch the sickness bug anywhere.

What would you do. Make her go so dh and I can have a nice holiday though she might be in a sulk
Give in and go somewhere else. Where we are all sort of happy

I know .... what a problem to have!.
My head is saying make her go she's being unreasonable as a cruise is perfect for dh and he works hard and struggles every day. but my heart is saying I'm being unreasonable making her go on something with an irrational (to me at least) fear

OP posts:
DerelictWreck · 02/08/2018 08:14

You can get a cruise New York-Canada - why not do that?

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 02/08/2018 08:17

I think YABU and I'm normally one for insisting that children do not get to dictate to the adults in the house.
Also, knowing normally placid teen DS's capacity for sulking and ruining things with his resentful glowering, I think you would be utterly bonkers to consider forcing her to go. I would however encourage her to research alternatives that suit all of you, rather than just give in to her IYSWIM?

LakieLady · 02/08/2018 08:18

Cruises have never appealed to me, but even if they did I would think twice about insisting a 13 year old came along against her will!

She could make it hell for all of you, especially if she's even half the stroppy madam I was at her age.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 02/08/2018 08:22

Would your DD tolerate a river cruise? Presumably that would be completely flat, no danger of sea sickness

If not, I'd suggest you wait a few years until she's left home

ToothTrauma · 02/08/2018 08:23

No!!! YWB massively U to make her go.

I don’t understand why you can’t have excursions from a resort or an all-inclusive. They’re not the preserve of cruises, you know Confused

whattimeislove · 02/08/2018 08:25

I've done a cruise, it was rubbish. There were very few younger people on it. That combined with her last experiences mean you'd be V unreasonable to make her go.

Agree with a PP, book an all inclusive somewhere instead

ScarletAnemone · 02/08/2018 08:26

Isn’t making someone sick used in aversion therapy precisely to create an irrational dislike of something other people think is nice? Sounds to me that your daughter’s dread of this cruise idea is completely rational given her experience. I think YWBVU to make her go.

Original poster
Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 08:27

Thanks for the points.
You are all correct I know hence the post.

She wouldn't get seasick on the cruise. the 1st one she was sick due to the norovirus (that was round the med) and was no motion at all and she actually had a great time until the end
The 2nd was because we were on a really old boat and went to the African coast and it was choppy. If we had stayed going round the canaries again there wouldn't have been a problem again she had a great time on the cruise.

Time to rethink I guess

OP posts:
TheKitchenWitch · 02/08/2018 08:27

Wow, complete ageement that you’re being unreasonable OP!

oohyoudevilyou · 02/08/2018 08:27

She's had a pretty nasty experience of cruising both times she's been, so I can see why she isn't keen! Also won't she be sharing a rather compact cabin with you, so won't get any privacy at all?

Bezm · 02/08/2018 08:28

What does your DH want to do? If he's not bothered, then find a lovely AI place in a resort where everything is on hand for easy access. Whatever you decide, a cruise is not an option with an unwilling 13 year old. You will all end up having a miserable time.
NY would be terribly hard work for someone who has problems walking distances. Again, not an option.

Laiste · 02/08/2018 08:29

Haven't read thread but no i wouldn't force her. You can do a relaxing holiday for DH with a few gentle excursions perfectly well on dry land!

My DD3 (12 at the time) joined us for diving in Egypt a few years ago. Best thing i've ever done bar none. DD hated it though. I wouldn't dream of forcing her to do it again just because of how much i loved it.

Sirzy · 02/08/2018 08:31

You can’t guarantee she won’t get seasick no matter where you go!

AlbertaSimmons · 02/08/2018 08:31

You couldn't pay me to go on a cruise, for exactly the reason your DD doesn't want to go. The ships are truly filthy, impossible to keep clean. YWBVU to force her.

Sleepyslops · 02/08/2018 08:32

I think it's a hard one. Stugeron is the way forward. Honestly, the last cruise I was on I had a bit of sea sickness and it made me feel like a new woman!

Med cruise - lovely, but potentially a lot of walking depending upon where you're going. Our med cruise involved seeing a lot of Greek historical sites etc, we walked miles.

Gabilan · 02/08/2018 08:32

I associate family holidays with a lot of driving around, with me in the back of the car being sick. I hate family holidays. As soon as I could stop going on them, I did.

She might get less motion sickness on a river cruise, so you could suggest that. But no, I would offer her alternatives rather than force her. She's not being illogical. It's basic human instinct not to be trapped somewhere you're going to vomit repeatedly.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/08/2018 08:33

YABVU. Children should come first not adults. They are young for such a shot period of time.

It's not her fault she's not old enough to work hard given that the justification being used as to why your DH should come first. Working hard and providing is standard for an adult.

There are plenty of places to suit both.

BlueberryPud · 02/08/2018 08:34

I've been on two sea cruises where I didn't get sick because I took Stugeron throughout and there was no sickness bug. However, I'd never go again as it's not my cup of tea.
In your circumstances I wouldn't make my dd come with us as she has every reason to dread it, which is very unfair, and it's a pretty boring holiday for a 13 year old anyway (unless she takes a friend for company)

There are dozens of AI holidays that don't involve walking long distances but are close enough to the city to have day excursions.
How are you and dh for driving? You could go on a touring holiday and visit places of interest on the way. Let your 13 old do some research and have some say on the route. Mine used to love the planning part.

PolkerrisBeach · 02/08/2018 08:35

I love cruises and been on 4 of them

But your DD doesn't. She has good reasons for not wanting to go. Just choose a different style of holiday.

Didiusfalco · 02/08/2018 08:35

Being ill is a very valid reason not to do something again. Her being a teenager is irrelevant as a lot of adults would feel the same. Find another solution that works for everyone.

CherryPavlova · 02/08/2018 08:36

Look at Neilsons where there is plenty of pool lounging opportunities but more for her (and you ) to do than sunbathing. Ours all loved it as teenagers. Mainly inclusive but paid for drinks and a couple of meals out.

Frogscotch7 · 02/08/2018 08:36

I am a big fan of cruises but think YABU. Your daughter will link the cruise back to her only experiences (both miserable) and will be dreading the holiday. It is hard when you’ve to cater for a disability. Hope you find something that’s suits all of you.

ADishBestEatenCold · 02/08/2018 08:37

Summer Camp for DD ... perhaps chosen round sports or hobbies she loves.

Staying with grandparents, if she has one or more that she really gets on with ... followed by a short NY city trip with you, later in the year.

BlueberryPud · 02/08/2018 08:38

Just seen that a pp found a touring holiday a nightmare when a child.
Agree it would have been awful if the kids were travel sick.

Bunbunbunny · 02/08/2018 08:44

I’m really surprised by the responses on here, when I was 13 I had no say in where we went on holiday as I wasn’t in charge and I was a child. Sorry children don’t come first, I think that is absolute tosh when it comes to a holiday which is a luxury not a necessity. Very different from human basics of food/home Hmm

OP you said your DD did enjoy herself apart from the sickness so you know she has enjoyed cruises in the past so I think its unfair on you that everyone is saying yabu. It’s not like you’re taking her on a holiday to hell. There is enough excursions and fun things you can do for all of you to do. What does you DH say?