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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

make dd go on a cruise with us

132 replies

Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 07:40

My dd is 13 and has been on 2 cruises ( when she was about 8)
Both times she got sick. The 1st she caught the norovirus from me - I picked up the bug and shared a water bottle (I'm guessing) the 2nd she was sea sick as the Atlantic was really choppy. So really unlucky both times. (I was ill too)

I love cruises and been on 4 of them though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off.

The last 3 years have been bad in our household due to illness. My dh had a knee op that went wrong and now struggles to walk long distance and has managed to wean himself off tablets. I have had various health scares.
The last few years we have gone to beachy resorts in Spain, canaries etc. Where we have had the odd excursion but mainly dossed around by a pool.
This year we had hoped to go to New York where dd really wants to go, but my dh wouldn't be able to do it without lots of preparation (yet)

I've been racking my head as where to go and I keep coming back to cruises. Perfect for dh because of his disability, lots of lounging around, good food and entertainment and we could do excursions and see some of the cities.

But dd refuses point blank to go. It would be around the med so really calm and I've told her she could catch the sickness bug anywhere.

What would you do. Make her go so dh and I can have a nice holiday though she might be in a sulk
Give in and go somewhere else. Where we are all sort of happy

I know .... what a problem to have!.
My head is saying make her go she's being unreasonable as a cruise is perfect for dh and he works hard and struggles every day. but my heart is saying I'm being unreasonable making her go on something with an irrational (to me at least) fear

OP posts:
Original poster
Egggywegggy · 02/08/2018 08:53

Bunbunbunny
Yes she had a great time, met up with other kids and we all went on the same excursions together. Husband loves cruising too.
He hated going to Disney a few years back though.

She had such a good time on the 1st cruise that we booked the 2nd as we are always matched with other families on our table.
We went to benidorm last year and she got a sickness bug

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/08/2018 08:55

I don’t think children should come first when it comes to holidays. I do think that the needs and wishes of everyone in the party should be listened to and taken into account. Isn’t that what being a family is about?

sashh · 02/08/2018 09:00

BTW the Med isn't always calm.

LellyMcKelly · 02/08/2018 09:00

Can you not find something you all enjoy? Forcing someone to go on a cruise when they don’t want to go sounds like no fun for anyone. Or can she stay with a friend or grandparent?

SnowyAlps · 02/08/2018 09:03

I don't think you should make her go. The run up to it she will just be miserable. Ds14 didn't want to go abroad initially this year, second time flying, because he didn't want to fly. Anyway he came around, we had good flights and he enjoyed the holiday. However when we came home he asked could we holiday in the U.K. next year instead. So we agreed, as he'd done as we asked this year, we felt it only fair.

Ironically he's now off to Canada with the school the year after next, obviously flying!! But at a cost of
2k before any equipment etc, it means no holiday for us next year 😩 We really can't afford both.

kateandme · 02/08/2018 09:06

would your dh manage stopover to somehwre.so could you get to the med with a few plane journeys/stopover on the way to shorten and see a few sights?
even to somewhere like europ.when my grandad had his hip ops.they want to get to Switzerland via a cruise once but instead did it on short stops through france then Switzerland even back coming through germany.they adored it.slowly making there way through.and my cousin loved it too.they drove some and plained some.it was brilliant.and stayed in big canvas tents,mobile homes.and it was all on sites with comanys eager to help in any way they could once they got in touch with them beforehand.

kateandme · 02/08/2018 09:10

snowyalpshow lovely a family you are for your boy.doing that I think will have helped him and planted those "kindness" seeds and so helped him feel he could go further afield.by not pushing you've not given him more anxt and fears.
could you still do a little air bnb or small holiday somewhere closer.a all inclusive to france or somewhere hre in the uk.u got a tent? :)

MrsEricBana · 02/08/2018 09:14

I wouldn't force her to go on the basis that I wouldn't want to be forced myself under those circumstances. Agree with everyone who has said all inclusive resort in the Med with good excursions. Also re NY, there is a LOT of walking involved imo so good to wait until your dh is a bit more mobile I would think.

Zommum · 02/08/2018 09:15

How badly do you want to go on a cruise? If that's really what you want then go without her. You might find she suddenly does want to go when she realises she isn't getting her way.

NanooCov · 02/08/2018 09:16

Can you compromise? Fly to NY and have time there (DH would be limit d but there are things he could do - we enjoyed the open top bus tours, a boat tour round manhattan and you could get taxis to some places) then tag on a Caribbean cruise? Obviously more £ than the Med but something for everyone. My parents did this itinerary about ten years ago and loved it.

violetbunny · 02/08/2018 09:18

I get seasick and would dread the thought of a cruise. YABU to make her go, knowing she would be dreading it.

Lovemusic33 · 02/08/2018 09:26

I wouldn’t go. She’s been on 2 cruises, didn’t enjoy them so why book another?

I would be like your dd, I hate being sick and hate boats, the worry of picking up a bug on a cruise would ruin it for me too.

Book a holiday somewhere else, there’s loads of place to chose from, let your dd be involved in choosing as it is her holiday too.

LoveInTokyo · 02/08/2018 09:27

I wouldn't make her go. I would find things you can all enjoy together as a family for the next few years and then go on a cruise when your DD is old enough to stay at home or go away with her friends instead.

Agastache · 02/08/2018 09:29

I got flu [proper flu] twice after going to Strensham services on the way back from Wales.

I refuse to go there now.

All other services, I won't go to unless I have anti bac handgel or wipes in the car.

WilburIsSomePig · 02/08/2018 09:29

I wouldn't make her go, bit a cruise is my idea of hell on earth. Maybe all inclusive somewhere that you and she and go on some excursions?

DistanceCall · 02/08/2018 09:35

It would be around the med so really calm

The Mediterranean is not necessarily always "really calm".

though I am really prone to motion sickness it doesn't put me off

Yes, well, your daughter isn't you.

Look for something else.

Everyoneiswingingit · 02/08/2018 09:37

How about booking a hotel with pool etc and booking excursions from there? Was thinking Barcelona as beaches not too far away. However with temperatures about to soar to 47c you might want to rethink the med.

Everyoneiswingingit · 02/08/2018 09:38

Also I think you are more likely to catch a virus on a cruise.

Mosaic123 · 02/08/2018 09:41

Ask her where she wants to go? How about an escorted holiday somewhere cool like Japan? You will have the services of a tour guide and a coach to take you just next to all the sights so good for your DH's bad knee. Only one problem, it won't be cheap.

Bluelady · 02/08/2018 09:42

Can you put yourself in her place? You've been on two cruises because your mum likes them. You've been sick and miserable on 100% of them. Would you be up for doing it again? I wouldn't. If you're so set on having a cruise holiday, let her stay at home with a friend or grandparents.

Everyoneiswingingit · 02/08/2018 09:42

I agree that a 13 yr old shouldn't call the shots but in reality, a miserable teen is no fun for you. You know her best though and if she has enjoyed cruises before, she will again. I recently booked a holiday involving lots of outdoor activity and my teens weren't too keen but I felt they would enjoy it if they just let go of their phones and were in a place where nobody knew them.Also we said they didn't have to do any of it. The did everything and said after that the activities were their favourite bit. so I would say use your judgement of what you know about your DD.

Eliza9917 · 02/08/2018 09:44

I wouldn't let a child dictate where wage earners holidayed, book what suits and give her the option to either come or stay with someone while you go.

Dieu · 02/08/2018 09:46

The sickness association is now firmly planted in her head, so she is definitely not going to want to go.
An all-inclusive resort, most of which have ramps so that families with prams can get around, would be a better suggestion.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/08/2018 09:47

Make sure you pick a ship that travels well. I've felt more sea sick in a force 4 on a Fred Olsen than in a force 10 on QE2.

How about you go with something cheap and cheerful for now, keep the teen happy, and start saving up towards QM2 Atlantic crossing to New York, when she leaves home?

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/08/2018 09:48

I vomited my way round theGreek islands on a cruise with my parents at that age. It was like a millpond. I have never felt so ill. The heat didn’t help either. On a channel ferry it is cooler on deck and there is a breeze. The Greek islands were just blistering sun.