Private C section

[kittyktt]

First time poster, long timer lurker, I've just made a throwaway account for this.

DH and I are trying for a baby. However, I have decided for personal reasons that I would like to have a c section instead of a "normal" birth (sorry but I'm not really willing to have to discuss why I want one on here as I don't feel like I need to justify to anyone other than a HCP and DH beyond, my body my choice).
I don't want to get pregnant and then find out that I'd be refused an elective c section on the NHS, so DH and I have discussed going private.

However, and this is where the issue really lies, it costs an awful lot of money to have a private c section and DH feels like since its my decision to have one that I should be the one to pay for it. I am able to pay for it myself (DH and I keep most of our money separate and I have enough saved to pay for it) but I don't think that I should have to cover the cost by myself.

He is definitely pushing for a vaginal birth as its "natural", but in the grand scheme of things I don't think that it makes much difference having a section, beyond massively helping with my stress and feelings about the birth.

So, basically AIBU, to think that its also his child thats being born and that we should split the cost of the c section equally between us?

Nope, I had a VB, didn't go well. I said if I ever had another I would never be able to do it again.
7 years to pluck up the courage and from the get go I asked for a section and they agreed.
I could've done a VB, but I just was too scared of the trauma and they agreed it was a plausible reason.

maggiecate

I've got a max of £17,000 to spend on the whole "ordeal", but lets hope that it doesn't end up being that expensive!
They're very coy about telling you what the exact cost would be from my experience so far

He's a dick
Of course he should pay half
Minimum
I don't even have my own or his own money in my marriage

Jesus Christ

I had a private c section. I could have had one on the NHS but close to go private for other reasons.

I would allow £12-13k assuming you’re not having loads of scans etc - it is expensive and everything costs. Where I was anyway it means you have a consultant doing it and a consultant anaesthetist. I know of places in London, not sure outside it. If going down this route I would recommend going to one of the NHS hospitals that has a private maternity wing so you have access to ICU/level 3 NICU etc if disaster were to strike.

You and your DH don’t sound remotely compatible. This won’t end well.

OP seriously don't worry! You just need to insist to be booked earlier on so then you can relax. I was far too polite because being a foreigner I didn't want to look pushy!
Good luck

MrsAidanTurner

One of DH's concerns is the possibility of going private ending up being much more expensive than we initially thought (e.g. if there are complications), so I was thinking a fair compromise would be that he pays a set amount, and I cover the rest (especially as I have more in savings than he does). Not sure if that makes me a bit of a doormat though

Whether you can have an elective c section on the nhs depends on the hospital (and how much you can fight for it). My friend was refused one in a famous London maternity hospital on the basis that the NICE guidelines are only guidelines. And she had had an extremely traumatic first birth where she and baby nearly died. Luckily second birth was problem free, but it really does depend on your hospitals attitude.

I think it's a bit mean to be calling her DH a knob, a dick etc. Yes it's her body her choice, but it is kind of a lot of money, so I can see where he's coming from. Surely he has some say in how to spend such a lump of money. Maybe the way he sees it, there is a free option available to her, she just prefers the expensive option.

Will PM you OP.

takenitall

A lot of people have an issue with DH and I having separate disposable income, I just think that it saves arguments, and it was actually my idea for us to keep disposable income separate. I understand why people might have an issue, and it won't work for everyone but its what we like to do

I don't want to have to ask my DH if I can go on a spa day or buy a new bag, and I don't think that he should have to ask me if he wants a new laptop or to buy new golf clubs. So if we have separate disposable income then we can just spend what we want, when we want, without worry that we're taking away from the other person.
We have a fairly equal amount of disposable income, so it means that we each spend a similar amount on ourselves and no one goes without

One step at a time... focus on getting pregnant first!

I can understand why you may think this as I always wanted to go private and favoured a c section. Once you get pregnant and look into it I imagine your thinking may change.

Outside of London it's actually quite hard to find private maternity wards, I would imagine harder to get an elective section privately. Plus it's not just about the delivery, your care needs to be joined up throughout so you cant just rock up at 40 weeks and get a delivery they will want to see you throughout which adds ££££s.

Look at your NHS choice, get pregnant and then see if you still want a section if you do I am sure you can get an NHS one.

CherryPlum

His worry is that if something happens down the line and we end up not being able to provide financially for our child, then we will regret spending whatever we end up spending on the c section. I understand where he's coming from, and it is a large chunk of our savings, but I think its the best choice for a stress free (well less stressful) pregnancy (which will in turn help the baby if I'm not stressed throughout the pregnancy about wether or not I'm gonna get a CS)

Well no I don't think this 'He wanted the kid so he should help pay to get it out' attitude is fair at all. If you have a baby together, you are both choosing to have that baby. You're not (shouldn't be) doing it as a favour to him. It sounds like maybe you should just foster/adopt since that's actually what you want to do.

I also don't think I'd pay for my husband to have an unnecessary major surgery so I don't agree your husband should have to pay for it.

peoplearemean

Trust me I am 100% sure on a section, its not really a choice of if I'm gonna have a CS, but how we pay for it
Luckily we're in north London so are able to easily get to a private hospital for care throughout the pregnancy as well

You need to do some research on the hospitals near you and what their opinion is on elective caesareans. Some are more sympathetic than others, so choose one of these. I had an elective caesarean for my 2nd because I couldn’t stomach the thought of enduring child birth a second time. In my experience, the midwives will dismiss your request so you have to go to the doctor in charge. I had a whole speech prepared and never got to deliver it because he simply agreed on the spot, saying that of course everyone knows a caesarean is safer. It was an infinitely better experience.

I’m another mns pariah in that DH & I have separate accounts, just too lazy to change it really. It works fine for us.

Freshfeelings

Exactly, we're having the baby together so we should pay equally.

We are planning on fostering/adopting after we've had our first, this is the compromise we agreed on

I'd also suggest this: I don't think that it makes much difference having a section is naive in the extreme and suggests you haven't done your research, so I can understand why he's hesitant to pay.

I had an elcs with my DTs, it was bloody fantastic, and I would never give birth vaginally now providing I had a choice. Don’t blame you at all for wanting one! To answer your op, your body, your choice, but unless there’s another immaculate conception, I think he should stump up half of the cost, or find a way to carry the baby and give birth himself!

Freshfeelings

Also I have said that I want to have a CS for psychological reasons, so I don't really think that that makes it "unnecessary surgery".

People like you who are willing to dismiss me and my feelings over what I want to happen to my body, are the exact reason why I wouldn't want to try and have a CS on the NHS

I wouldn't use a private maternity hospital if you want the reassurance of being right by emergency intervention, but a private wing of an NHS hospital.

My private C-section will be between £15-20k, depending on the hospital stay, but that also includes antenatal care. I was high risk, consultant-led NHS for a medically-necessary C-section, and changed over at 20 weeks when DH's family offered to pay.

They're not wealthy, but previous miscarriages and complications from other surgery (-it is those that make me high risk), meant that it was important to them. If I were you, I'd be sad it wasn't equally important to your DH to want to split the costs, if you can afford it.

Sorry but the least of your problems is this hypothetical CS. Your H is a tool. What are you, flatmates who keep tabs on who eats what and split hairs over 5p? You don't want to have a child but he's talked you into it? Just nope, nope, nope! Then he expects you to foot the bill for the birth?

Thankfully, I already have enough money saved, so if it came down to it I would pay myself. I think he would see me contributing less to the house to offset what I'd pay for the CS as him still paying for the CS

Any person who starts up with guff about contributing financially and keeping tabs on such when you're talking about pregnancy, childbirth and children I would not in a million years procreate with. Kids are not 50/50 creatures. Anyone with that mindset is not someone you want to procreate with.

NFW. Forget about the CS. Tell him you're not up for having biological children, because you are not. Stick to it. Your body is not a vessel for him to use to carry out his wishes, especially when he thinks he can use it for that but not pay for the type of birth that's best for you.

Freshfeelings

Yes the recovery is longer for a CS, and yes it is surgery.
But in the grand scheme of things the outcome for both mother and child is no worse compared to a vaginal delivery.

Also, you should factor in that I would find a vaginal birth extremely traumatising, which plays a significant role in my decision. You should also consider that I would be incredibly stressed and anxious throughout the pregnancy itself because of this.

If you’re intending to give birth in Portland hospital - £17k won’t cover it if you stay for more than 3 days.

Guys and St Thomas private - £17k will cover it.

Good luck.