Private C section

[kittyktt]

First time poster, long timer lurker, I've just made a throwaway account for this.

DH and I are trying for a baby. However, I have decided for personal reasons that I would like to have a c section instead of a "normal" birth (sorry but I'm not really willing to have to discuss why I want one on here as I don't feel like I need to justify to anyone other than a HCP and DH beyond, my body my choice).
I don't want to get pregnant and then find out that I'd be refused an elective c section on the NHS, so DH and I have discussed going private.

However, and this is where the issue really lies, it costs an awful lot of money to have a private c section and DH feels like since its my decision to have one that I should be the one to pay for it. I am able to pay for it myself (DH and I keep most of our money separate and I have enough saved to pay for it) but I don't think that I should have to cover the cost by myself.

He is definitely pushing for a vaginal birth as its "natural", but in the grand scheme of things I don't think that it makes much difference having a section, beyond massively helping with my stress and feelings about the birth.

So, basically AIBU, to think that its also his child thats being born and that we should split the cost of the c section equally between us?

Can’t you just not put money in the joint account for a few months?

I think YAB a bit U. It would be your choice to go private, so really, I think he is right and you should pay.

However, I do think you'd have your work cut out requesting an NHS section. I'd already had an emergency section with my first child, but they really wanted me to try a vaginal for my second baby, in fact they made it very clear that I should. I had a tricky complication with both pregnancies too. They listened and eventually 'allowed' me the section, a few days before my due date. This was 11 years ago, I don't know whether practice has changed.

Legally you if you are married, all the money is 'family money'. Not his and hers

distantstars

Sadly not yet, but we've only been trying for a month though!

DH feels like since its my decision to have one that I should be the one to pay for it.

Your DH sounds like a knob. So, essentially, he’s rather against your decision to opt for ELCS, and subsequently is telling you that you need to go private? And not only that, he’s saying you alone need to pay and he won’t contribute a penny? So he’s got you on the road to financial abuse as well as being a disrespectful twat?

Do not assume you will get an elective C Section on the NHS. The only way to 100% guarantee if that's what you want, is to pay for it.

That however isn't your main problem here. Your problem is that you have shared some (presumably fairly significant) concerns with your husband, and he's shrugged his shoulders and said "you pay if you want it" about the safe delivery of your baby!

Racecardriver

Thats what I was worried about! Although I know far more people who have given birth in the NHS than those who had a private CS, I have heard so many horror stories in the NHS when compared to going private.

I guess we can't know how its gonna turn out until all is said and done, but my gut feeling is to go for a private CS rather than a vaginal devilry on the NHS (as DH would like)

Considering you would be happy to just foster or adopt but have been swayed by your DHs want for a biological child, I think he's being unfair to refuse to contribute financially to the birth you feel most comfortable and safe having.

Is there any way you can find out beforehand whether your hospital will offer you a 'non-medical' c-section? NICE guidelines state that a woman has the right to choose a section, however reports apparently show around 25% of maternity units are refusing to offer women without a 'medical need'. Do you know what your closest hospitals stance is? There is also the option of choosing a different hospital that will comply.

As your not pregnant yet you have plenty time to “save” Would DH mind if you contributed less to the household whilst you saved?

Haworthia

Please don't be to harsh on DH, yeah he can be a twat sometimes but can't we all?

He thinks that its such a ridiculous amount of money (which it is tbf) that it would be better spent on the baby itself rather than on the delivery, and I can see where he's coming from, but I just don't want to have a vaginal birth, I'd feel so much calmer and relaxed about a private CS

Not his vagina. Not his decision.

There are millions of women who deliver vaginally very successfully with the NHS every year. I was not one of them however, and am a walking example of "when vaginal births go wrong". I wouldn't have another, but I know others that would.

Do your research, good luck with your decision.x

www.nhs.uk/conditions/caesarean-section/#asking-for-a-caesarean

You are entitled to one, but depending on consultant / hospital you will have to fight for it as many don't think women should be free to choose a section for ideological and economical reasons.

I had health concerns but my doctors thought vaginal birth could work, I disagreed (didn't want to take the risk) and had to politely fight till week 36!! But I got my section, my concerns were very real so very happy I fought for it.

My advice: don't let them tell you "we will see" and pass you from one person to another for months. Be polite but assertive and have the data with you (nhs website and NICE guidelines) in case you are not listened to.

I had an elective c section due to mh concerns. I stated from my earliest midwife appointment what my reasons were, and was referred to a mh midwife due to my history of depression and anxiety. I explained to her my reasons and was referred to a psychologist to discuss the pros and cons, and given a lot of information to allow me to make an informed decision. At the end of my pregnancy I was recommended to have a c section anyway due to the baby's size, so that helped me enormously. It is a possibility, however I did need to have a number of additional appointments, and the appointmentsbwere heavily swayed towards recommending against initially, however I wasn't told a flat out no, as I was expecting.

Plughole3

Thankfully, I already have enough money saved, so if it came down to it I would pay myself. I think he would see me contributing less to the house to offset what I'd pay for the CS as him still paying for the CS

At my booking in appointment my midwife was quite clear that elective caesarians were not carried out in my trust.

Was she spinning a yarn?

saratustra

Oh my god I feel so bad for you, that is the exact thing that I'm worried about! I don't want to be passed about and find out that theres not enough time for me to get one and end up having to have a vaginal birth

Having opted for an elective the second time round, I didn't have to keep explaining op, if it's helps.
I told the midwife, she referred to the consultant, we discussed, he agreed, end of. I saw him once to do that, and the midwife booked my section on the lead up to the cut off point.

You need to think about what would happen if you don't have a straightforward delivery, or if baby needs extra care - fingers crossed you'd not need it, but an extra night/s in hospital or time in the special care unit and the costs could start ramping up very quickly. A basic rate elective at the Portland is £8k for 24hrs, but if you want to stay an extra day it's a minimum of £1250.

www.theportlandhospital.com/uploads/data/files/consultant%20led%20prices%202018%20final.pdf

kittyktt tough one then. I see the point that it’s his child too so he should pay but on the other hand if my DH wanted me to contribute 6k to something I probably would begrudge it too & I guess because I preferred my VB to my CS (although both good) it clouds my judgement.
Good luck!

I think that's quite a major difference of opinion you have there. You need to sort this out between yourselves and get better at resolving things because if you're falling out now, it seems unlikely you'll weather a baby. I can't engage with the question at all because your attitudes seem completely up the left.

I was refused an elective section for psychological reasons on the NHS. But that was about 10 years ago. I ended up with an emergency one in the end but the journey there was horrendous.

I was strong enough to fight for an elective section for my second one and it was a great experience.

sparklefluff

Did you have a CS for your first?

The impression I'm getting is that the ease with which you get a CS varies wildly from trust to trust

1. when if you fall pregnant, stress to your mw you want c section.
   2)ask do research about consultants in one clinic you can literally have one that is pro choice and one who isn't.

2. if you get refused which is unlikely.. Ask again nice guidelines say you can and have this right.

3. your not getting anywhere go private and absolutely your dh has to pay half. Otherwise do not have this child with him.

4. I had perfect delivery first time, and requested elc second time.. I was granted one no problems.

It was perfect for me.

With my first I was very anxious about giving birth naturally, have a phobia of hospitals and felt like it would be impossible for me to have a baby the natural way.
I was referred for CBT and told that a C section was always an option but if I felt I could go through with it naturally after the CBT then great.
I did and went on to have quite a ‘nice’ experience in comparison to others. But of course it f*cking well hurts!!
With my second she was breach so I had no choice! I had to have a C section.

On reflection I wouldn’t choose a C Section again. I completely respect you saying you don’t want to talk about your reasons behind a C section but for me personally it wasn’t the nicer option. The recovery is so much harder and for longer.

Obviously the end result is well worth it!

I think it would be pretty easy for you to have one on the NHS, ultimately they just want you to go into it as relaxed and confident as possible.

Good luck!

Not just trust to trust but clinic to clinic. It's the ultimates choice and it amazes me that right to choose isn't taken up more as a cause for our feminists on here.