AIBU? 28 Weeks and furious...

[BlondeAmbition44]

This is my first post on MN and feel like I am maybe being 'slightly' unreasonable, but then again maybe not.

I am 28 weeks and due in October, my pregnancy came as a huge shock to both me and DP as we really were not planning on having a child this early in our lives however we have both accepted that this is happening and our baby is very much loved and we cannot wait to meet her. His family have been great with the news, my family have dealt with the news and have come around and are very much excited now.

Here is where i might be getting unreasonable, DP feels the need to share everything with his DM, and I mean everything. I have decided to go down the route of elective cesarian after A LOT of thought and even more talking with DP, while i can understand it may not be the way he had envisioned the birth of our first, he has come to terms that it is what I want and is lessening the anxiety/fear i have surrounding the birth. However when my consultant finally agreed (after much arguing) that cesarian would be the way forward, he told his DM straight away. This has since prompted what i feel are digs at me that "Sure it's wee buns.", "It's not that hard", "Once the heads out thats it, its all gravy after that".

I had expressly said that i didn't want this talked about to family mine or his, that i felt how our baby was brought into this world was between me and him and no one else. Now I'm dealing with his DM and other members of his family telling me how easy it is to give birth and I feel like I'm under attack, i understand that women do this every day of the year and the risks are not what they use to be, but i cannot get past my own anxiety and it has caused me to lose sleep, i honestly feel it is whats right for me. I understand that they are his family but AIBU to feel like my wishes are being ignored and making a mountain out of a mole hill?

just remind them the next time they give birth they can decide on how they do it, but as this is your body that you will decide and quite frankly it is none of their damn business!
Let him know hes in the dog box and if he wants to be allowed to come to any other appointments or even the birth or hospital he can damn well respect your privacy and not tell anyone about your private medical information
And for those folks suggesting a vaginal birth is a walk in the park, a doddle, easy as, simple, the better way... kindly fuck off! The op has made her decision, im sure with input from her husband, OB and midwife and shock horror maybe even done her own research, she has decided so doesnt need your input on her decision, as im sure some random woman pushing her own ideals on her will make her suddenly "see the light" and change her mind, so kindly fuck off with your opinion

BlondeAmbition44 you do whats right for you and tell anyone you need to to "mind your own business and if i want advise i will ask for it" ignore any negative bullshit about your decision, it is your body and only you have the right to decide!

he has come to terms that it is what I want

In my opinion ANY man who feels he has to come to terms with his partner's personal birth choice, needs a strong talking to.

His job is to support her and be there no matter what. Not to have an opinion on her birth choices.

SHE is the one having the baby. Her body, her choice. End of.

And to address you more specifically OP...fuck them. Tell them to piss off.

I've had two electives and to be quite frank, I'd tell any woman to do the same.

I bet if men had to give birth, hardly any would do it "naturally".

I think it’s entirely your choice but I’m not sure lying to your family about why you are having an elective is the right way to go. Why does it matter?

I’m sure their comments are just out of concern as you are choosing to have major surgery over a natural birth, something which to them may be baffling.

So let me get this straight.

You are proud of your decision. You put a lot of thought into it and even managed to convince your consultant to perform major surgery on you.

Yet you planned to LIE to your family and his about said decision and wanted him to go along with that. Really??

Either own your decision or don't.

Dh now needs to tell his family to stop bringing it up with you - it really is none of their business what your birth plan is.....it is really unhelpful and judgemental of them to be giving out these comments x

I am not going to be someone who suggests you rethink your decision - your body - your decision. Infact I wanted to give birth naturally - was devastated I was told I couldn’t. Then last minute I was told I could but it stressed me out as I wasn’t mentally prepared and I was swaying to sticking with my C section. In the end, the decision was taken out of my hands as I had an emergency C section without going into labour due to complications and I have learnt a lot so I wanted to share this with you.
Labour starts a chain reaction which sets certain things in motion. So my C section meant:

• hormones to start milk production weren’t released - so worth reading in advance how to kick start this more effectively (ie massaging breasts).
• hormones to make my womb and stomach shrink. I kept a pregnant posture - Cranial oestopath helped sort this.
• non exposure to bacteria in birth canal effected baby’s digestive system - baby priobotics helped.
• a baby going down the birth canal triggers the beginning of the infant reflex related to crawling, which triggers movement and eye co-ordination and ultimately reading and concentration. Can I suggest you read this website www.inpp.org.uk/intervention-adults-children/

Both my son and my daughter (I have twins) did not have all their reflexes go dormant and this had consequences in their development. But if you know about these in advance then you can make sure your child’s infant reflexes go dormant. Lots of tummy time especially important. Good luck

Had an elective. Was fab. Hardest part for me was giving myself the injections after...and even then it just nipped a bit and was more a mental hurdle to get over.
Bit disappointing you had to fight for it.

So it's not the fact your DH talked about your decision, because he can do that with friends, but the fact he chose to do it with his mum?

I'm guessing therefore there is previous with his family @BlondeAmbition44 - and this is where you need to focus. Whenever anyone in his family say anything that undermines you, does he back you up? When he told his mum, he should've told her that it was BOTH your decision, and she needed to accept that. I wonder if he did that though, or whether he told his mum something different?

I chose exactly the same thing as you OP (17 years ago and I have never regretted it).
My MIL was not pleased with my decision beforehand, not that I let it bother me, but tbh as soon as DS was born she was delighted with him and couldn't have cared less how he arrived.
As I said, I do not regret my decision at all. I haven't read the full thread but I have seen some comments questioning your choice, asking why would you choose major surgery etc. etc.
You have obviously made your mind up based on evidence, as did I, and there have been numerous threads on MN discussing the pros and cons- I personally think evidence points to ELCS being the safest option for mother and baby and my consultant at the time agreed. The birth injuries survey on MN was quite shocking and I would have thought that explains to anyone why the OP wants an ELCS.
Good luck with everything OP.