Demonisation of formula!!!

[Summertimehaze]

Don’t know if anyone watched the Dispatches programme last night on breastfeeding? The more I think about that programme the more annoyed I’m getting!!! The demonisation of formula really doesn’t help mothers who struggle to breastfeed and have to start using formula or even as a top up!! Most mothers want to do what’s right for their babies and know that breast is best. But some mums just can’t do it and so formula literally becomes a lifesaver. I’m sick of seeing mums feel so guilty about it and letting their children bloody starve because they surely can’t give them the evil formula!!!!!! The programme basically tells a new mum that it’s really tough to breastfeed, there is no support, they will be judged BUT formula is not an option!!! Grrrrrrrrr 😡. AIBU

If you are so so certain you couldn’t breastfeed because it was absolutely physicaly impossible and you tried everything in your power to breastfeed then why would you feel guilty ?

I used to get so cross with those mums in BFing groups moaning about their baby being given a small amount of formula on the postnatal ward. Instead of being grateful they'd been spared the stay on SCBU with a seriously ill baby that we experienced

You have got it such arseways. When you give formula on the post natal ward you are actively sabotaging BF. There is no need for formula for the vast majority of babies, and they would not be anywhere near SCBU without it.

If you had a particular reason that could be different, but almost all babies given formula in hospital like that don't need it. Example (and its really common): when my first baby was less than 24 hours a nurse brough her formula, telling me I had to give it to her, she was hungry and I didn't have enough milk. Luckily I knew something about it all and told her that of course I didn't have enough milk on day one, I didn't have any milk, I had colostrum that was all my baby needed. And I sent her away. But she was saying this to all the women on the ward pretty much, and they were taking the formula.
And what happens then is that the baby is on formula before they ahve even had a chance to start BF, either partly or fully. For what
? No reason at all.

@manaftermidnight - I wasn't suggesting that the presenter was trying to make women who didn't breastfeed feel like crap. But that is most definitely a consequence of the general atmosphere in the UK around breastfeeding.

@sleepyblueocean no life isn’t simple and breastfeeding is hard for everybody most babies have difficulties latching , it’s hurts even though everybody tells you it shouldn’t , milk takes a while to come in , you feed baby very regularly etc which is hard on the Mum. What annoys me is when formula feeding mothers saying they “couldn’t” as this suggests people who did successfully breastfeed had an easy ride from the start which isn’t true. I don’t know any breastfeeding Mum who didn’t struggle in the start , struggling to get it perfected isn’t the same as “can’t do it”. I breastfed for 6 months and now formula feed because quite simply I can’t be arsed anymore and if people ask me why I am honest I don’t make a big lie about my milk drying up etc. Some mums say they tried everything and it was absolutely impossible if this is true then why would they let themselves feel guilty ?

But that is most definitely a consequence of the general atmosphere in the UK around breastfeeding

But you assigned the blame for that quite wrongly. You're one of the people causing that atmosphere

I used to get so cross with those mums in BFing groups moaning about their baby being given a small amount of formula on the postnatal ward. Instead of being grateful they'd been spared the stay on SCBU with a seriously ill baby that we experienced. They were really cross their baby had had formula. They were still BFing. They just thought the formula was evil.

Yea could have been one of those mums I’m afraid, except luckily dh was advocating for me as I was so out of it I don’t think I could have spoken up against the consultant. We were asked ‘which formula we wanted to chose’ to feed dd when she wasn’t feeding effectively and had bad jaundice. She needed fluid no doubt, but I had about 2 litres of pumped milk in the fridge! It was important to me that she was fed that before an alternative. Of course if I’d had no supply we would have used formula, but often it’s reached for as the 1st option as it’s the quickest way for the docs to tick you off their list that day.

@firsttimemum892 if only it were so easy to not feel guilt. That’s the whole point on most of this discussion... there is so much guilt because of the pressure put on mums. I tried EVERYTHING to feed but couldn’t ... my LO even ended up in hospital for excessive weight loss. Yet my BF advisor still told me not to “give in” and give formula. As did many BF advocates that I spoke too. Think of the benefits long term if you don’t give in!!! Think of what illnesses you can protect your little one from ... think of the immunity... think of the bond ... think of the syntheticness of formula etc etc .... and you ask why I felt guilty?!

Firsttimemum892 but do you think people all have the same level of difficulty?
There will be people who had to try harder than you did and didn't manage to succeed or keep it going and you are telling them they took the easy option.

People feel guilty because that is what parents sometimes do even when there is nothing they could have done about it, as you will find out when you have had a child a bit longer

@KoolAidPickle - no, you've missed my point. Breastfeeding is great, of course it is, I wish it had worked for me. And if a women wants to breastfeed and finds it hard and perseveres then that's great too. But if another woman struggles to the point that she moves to formula feeding, that's also fine - it doesn't make her a lesser mother. But that is how the system in the UK is set up to make her feel. And programmes like the dispatches one just compound that. You don't see documentaries of women whose breastfeeding journey lead them down the dark path towards post natal depression or anxiety, as mine did, who ultimately gave up because they just couldn't make it work despite their best efforts. Where were they on the documentary? And why on earth are they made to feel guilty and ashamed? We should be supporting ALL mothers regardless of how they choose to feed.

Nonsense. It is not set up like that at all, if anything its the opposite. Its formula feeding that it more commonplace, represented and pushed on people. Its BF that is undermined, underfunded and under supported, but on top of that they are told to shut up and be quiet because it will make FF'ers feel guilty.

Yes, we should be supporting all mothers in however they choose to feed, but we should be supporting them to do the choice that we all know to be the best one. And this ridiculous notion that the feelings of ff'ers need to be protected against the truth is a barrier to doing that.

Summer how much support were you given? Did so,wine see you every day to help? Where you over re-admittance to Hospital? Did you get a specialised midwife with extra training to help? Did you get a lactation consultant? Was every family and friend supportive? Did you grow up in a society where you seen woman breastfeeding so you knew what a good/position/latch looked like?

That programme didn't put any blame on you, it's a blame on society and the billion dollar for,Ila industry, but as woman we know the scientific facts of breastmilk and by reacting to a programme that was trying to change societal attitude by complaining about the factual formula aspect isn't helping encourage people. You said you wanted to feed, I'm so sorry you couldn't but this thread isn't supportive of other woman who want to and therefore going round in a loop.

Offered not over!

Ahhhh were you given help to tackle autocorrect

@Firsttimemum892

What annoys me is when formula feeding mothers saying they “couldn’t” as this suggests people who did successfully breastfeed had an easy ride from the start which isn’t true. I don’t know any breastfeeding Mum who didn’t struggle in the start

I'm very pro breastfeeding, and have just completed my 6 months ebf, but even I think that statement is very unfair, and just not true, at both ends of the spectrum...

I had a very easy ride, didn't struggle at all establishing breastfeeding, no sore nipples, engorgement that passed in 48hrs, feeding lying down from the first night (much to the disapproval of the postnatal ward sister), and out and about feeding in public from a few days old. But that doesn't mean that I think every other mother had it just as easy. In Norway 95% of mothers breastfeed, that means 1 in 20 mothers don't, presumably because they or their babies can't. In the UK there are obviously a lot of mothers switching to formula who with the right information and support might not have needed to, but it doesn't mean that their struggle is any less genuine, and some of the mothers who were unsuccessful with breastfeeding will fall into the 5% whose babies lives have been saved by formula.

And why on earth are they made to feel guilty and ashamed?

But I always come back to the question of WHO is actually doing this? I can understand maybe some hcps/smug mums at groups type people saying some insensitive comments (but I do fail to believe that there are lots and lots of these types around, again because so few b/f they MUST be few and far between) but wider society? Really? When the vast majority of parents are formula feeding? Are all those people actually being shamed or does it actually come from within, which I can completely understand, but then it’s simply not fair to try to shut down any discussion/documentaries on b/feeding as ‘shaming’. As someone pointed out earlier, we’d never react like this to any other info about any other health issue.

@summerhaze @sleepyblueocean ... I am sure mums struggle more than others it was extremely hard for me so when it is suggested that it was easy for me it pisses me off. My comments about feeling guilty were not an attack they were meant with empathy like go easy on yourself you know you tried and it didn’t work.

Formula saved my sanity and pnd. Without it we wouldn't have had such a positive turn out (healthy baby and healthy and happy mum)

Ifyoudon’timagine .... I am most definitely supportive of women who want to BF!!! Absolutely! I just think the formula bashing also needs to stop. I’ve told my story else where on here but yes ... i had all the support. Midwife/HV/lactation consultant/bf advisor out to the house every day ... the works.

First time .... ah I see, apologies! That’s the problem with text speak sometimes... you can’t hear people’s tone! I can imagine it is very annoying having people think it was easy for you ... I salute you being able to get through the hardships and feed your LO BM!

@cyw2018 I am pleased you had no issues and you are right I shouldn’t make a generalised statement like that but from my experience all my friends had issues with it. My point is people shouldn’t say they “couldn’t” just because it was difficult at the start , if I had decided on the third night of zero sleep , a screaming baby and cracked nipples to reach for the formula I wouldnt have said it was because I “couldn’t”breastfeed I would have said I found it too challenging. I also very nearly gave up in the following months because baby would not take expressed milk from a bottle and I found it very difficult to overcome my shyness about bf in public so there are mothers who breastfeed who find it very hard it’s not a walk in the park for everybody who manages to do it for 6 months

@Firsttimemum892

No problem, I think as has already been said, that your post, maybe, didn't quite come across as intended.

So I agree largely with what you are saying, but I think it is important that people who are successful or unsuccessful with breastfeeding can be honest with it, and I sometimes feel (particularly on mumsnet) that I would be classed as a goady fucker for saying I found it very easy and plain sailing, but I think is important that people considering breastfeeding hear the positive stories, as well as all the doom and gloom (same with birthing stories) in order to get a balance view of it, otherwise it can all be very terrifying.

I also think that some people need to "own" their decision to formula feed and not be ashamed of it, but equally people should feel that they can honestly say that the reason they quit was because they were given poor information and a lack of support, that is a valid reason.

I was led to believe that problems with BFing were incredibly rare and that formula use was incredibly rarely necessary, then when we ended up in SCBU saw the numbers for myself. My maternity unit averages 4050 births a year, so an average of 11 per day. During the four days I was in SCBU I saw 2-4 mums and babies being admitted with feeding problems eg severe weight loss and dehydration. These babies were needing treating with tube fed formula and the mums were feeding and pumping. And that's SCBU, not NICU so that was babies born at term not with prem problems. That's a serious problem rate of between 18 and 36%. Not what I was led to believe and also presumably costing the NHS a fortune.

*2-4 mums and babies each day being admitted

@RidingMyBike

That really is a shocking statistic. Makes me wonder how many mothers are encouraged to harvest colostrum prenatally, and wonder whether this is another factor for more successful breastfeeding rates in countries like Norway.

My midwife, who was very up-to-date and pro-breastfeeding, encouraged me to colostrum harvest despite me being a low risk pregnancy. As it is I didn't need it (I have a massive stash in the freezer which is now past the 6 month date, and it feels really sad to bin it...might give DD a milky bath!!), but it was there should I have had a C section, PPH or other unforeseen emergency that could have effected my supply.

The Colostrum harvesting also filled me with confidence, as before doing it, it was hard to imagine my boobs "working" and producing anything, once I had harvested some I really believed in my body, so when DD latched on shortly after birth I was able to relax.

Sorry but YABU. It is a fact that breast milk is better for babies than formula. If the mother is unable or unwilling to feed her child breast milk then of course formula is acceptable and yes the important thing is that the child is fed. But it is equally important that new parents are aware of the differences between formula and breast milk and that one is better for the child’s (and mother’s) long term health than the other. No one should feel guilty for choosing not to breast feed but make an informed choice - in exactly the same way as you would when deciding whether to accept certain immunisations etc.