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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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irrelevant details, fed up, is it just me?

148 replies

JoanFrenulum · 30/07/2018 18:22

With DH mostly. I ask him to do a thing, I don't want a blow-by-blow account of exactly how he's doing the thing. I just asked him to sort out seats on a flight so that he, I and DD are all sat together. So he gave me this stream of consciousness through the entire process, down to telling me how he's deciding between calling customer service on the phone or on Skype. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. AIBU? I asked him to do it because I had loads of other things to take care of; if I'd wanted to know about all the details I would have done it myself.

I stayed nice but am boiling inside. Or, also today, over lunch with relatives he treated us all to a blow-by-blow account in real time of him figuring out when his next colonoscopy is, right down to looking up the time difference between time zones. NOBODY CARES WHEN YOU ARE GETTING YOUR ARSE INSPECTED. SPECIALLY NOT AT LUNCH ON HOLIDAY.

He's basically a pretty good bloke. How do I say "For the love of god spare me the liveblog" without sounding like a bitch?

OK maybe I am being a bit U but I need to vent somewhere or I'll say something mean IRL, and I really truly don't know how to ask him to tone down the granularity of the commentary without sounding mean.

OP posts:
Cismyass · 30/07/2018 19:02

Your name just reminded me of once when i was training to be a body piercer many moons ago a little mix up with my filtrums and frenums. Got me chuckling away to myself as i settled DD in bed, brought her doll up, filled a bottle with milk, brushed her and my teeth, brushed and plaited DDs hair with the pink brush and bluebobble. Not sure whether i should put her in a flowery nightie or pony print pyjamas as it's quite warm here even though it's gone cooler now and i don't know if i'm still hungry after finishing off an old tinof beans with chreese for my dinner or if i just feel greedy. I've got the washing to sort and a few things to sort out and clean up, MY Little Ponies and Lol dolls to sort out though i haven't got any toy boxes for them and really need to get to The Works for some of their 2 fora tenner cardboard ones though not sure whether or not to stick with the mermaid theme or branch out into sloths....? op....? OP?

GhostCurry · 30/07/2018 19:05
Grin

OP, mine does something vaguely similar - we’ll be talking in a group with friends, and he will make a joke with me, one that no one else will understand or care about, and take ages doing it. Really pisses me off, why would he want everyone else sat there like Confused ??

twicethrice · 30/07/2018 19:06

Oh OP I could have written your post! It is constant narration and thought process. It is draining!

MissionItsPossible · 30/07/2018 19:07

Lol, are you me?

I'm afraid I can't help as I take the bitch blunt approach.

"Just get to the good part"!

"Really not interested, to be honest".

"Oh, not this again"?

I would be Shock and Angry at discussing colonoscopies with relatives in public though.

Maelstrop · 30/07/2018 19:11

There’s a lady at the yard who does this and nothing will stop her. It drives me nuts. Have you ever stopped him? Is he aware he’s doing it? Does he not have the emotional intelligence to shut the fuck up?! Sorry, this would wind me right up!

NoSquirrels · 30/07/2018 19:12

Grin at CisMyAss

Yes, I have no tolerance for this.

Can I also put into the mix the irritating conversational aside that happens frequently with my MIL? Telling a long-winded story about people I don't really know, can't recall the name of one of tangential players, stops narrative to try to remember the name "Now was it Susan, gosh, I really can't remember, I'm sure her name begins with an S, but it probably isn't Susan. Is it Shirley? etc etc etc" until eventually I have to say - "it doesn't matter though, does it? I don't know them." and we can finally get back to the main narrative about the original people I don't really know...

amilosingitor · 30/07/2018 19:14

@Cismyass I think that is the most I have ever laughed out loud at someone on here. Crying 😂

TopShagger · 30/07/2018 19:20

Umm... bucking the trend as I can see that so far the consensus is definitely against me.... is it really that bad? He's giving you more details than are really needed but..... so???

Lunch may not be the most appropriate of times/venues for discussing his arse hole but maybe it's weighing on his mind?

You sound a bit unreasonable to me if I'm honest.

Wearywithteens · 30/07/2018 19:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ScreamingValenta · 30/07/2018 19:42

Ha ha! Mine is the same. He cannot give a simple answer to a simple question.

Me: - Did you pick up bread in Tesco today?

DH: - Well, I was going to go to Sainsbury's, but then I remembered I needed some batteries, so I went to Wilko's - by the way, I picked up some baked beans - oh - I saw our old neighbour outside the pub, he had his dog with him, but I don't think he saw me. Anyway, they didn't have any batteries in Wilkos, so I went to Tesco's - they had some smoked salmon reduced to clear, but the date on it was for tomorrow - I was going to ring you, but I thought you probably wouldn't answer; I can see if they've got any tomorrow if you want. I got some cheddar cheese, but remember we've got an open one in the fridge before you use it; I've put the new one on the top shelf.

Me : So did you get any bread today?

DH: No, sorry, I forgot.

Butcowsdontgetmarried · 30/07/2018 20:11

I just say “alright Kevin Turvey “ that usually stops it. Probably won’t work for anyone under the age of 45 tho!

GhostCurry · 30/07/2018 20:31

ScreamingValenta you are so funny!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/07/2018 00:49

I was thinking about this very thing on Friday. No, I tell a lie, it was Thursday, just before my doctor's appointment. No, sorry, it must have been Friday, because I remember I bought my lottery ticket just before it happened and I always buy it at the same time at the same shop. I needed some milk as well as your Auntie Edna was coming for a cup of tea at 11am (well, and a slice of that cake she loves too) - although it was nearer quarter-past as her bus was held up in traffic where they're building the new housing estate and they've got temporary traffic lights. Anyway, we always have semi, but she can only drink skimmed, because of her heart, and the shop had just sold out of skimmed, so I had to try the new shop across the road. It was the same price as the other shop, but they'd had an offer on if you bought two, so I was a bit peeved at that. Have you been to that new shop? It's owned by the son of a lady I went to school with. She always got into trouble at school - I remember one time when she.........

Oh, I feel your pain, OP. Thankfully, the person this is redolent of isn't a member of my immediate family, so I see him regularly but I don't live with him - although he is really lovely.

As PP have said, it's partly a lack of internal monologue and personal filter, but I think it's often just that they don't have enough to occupy their minds, so they really concentrate on the petty, insignificant stuff. It might also suggest a degree of loneliness and by keeping a conversation going (albeit one-way) for ages, they get that human interaction. Sadly, though, they have to work with whatever material they can summon up and Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde they are not.

Does he have hobbies or responsibilities that occupy his time and his mind? Does he meet many people day to day? I think you might just have to accept that this is how he is and learn to zone out when he shows signs of cranking up to a long, pointless monologue. Not wanting to be cruel, but sometimes reacting a bit cool and detached can help as going along with it and acting interested just tends to add more power to their elbows.

If you do want to go down the accepting-no-nonsense-light- confrontation route, you could do much worse than taking tuition from Winston in his dealings with Isa in Still Game. My favourite of his tactics is to extend his arm and hold out his flattened hand towards her, bobbing his thumb up and down frantically with a pained look on his face whilst she gabs. When she realises what he's doing and breaks off to question it, he tells her that he's trying to work out how to fast forward her to the relevant part Grin

sausagerole · 31/07/2018 00:58

My OH is like this, especially when story-telling. He's a great story-teller and can really hold and audience, but sometimes I have to nudge him and be like "yeah ok it doesn't matter what day is was" or "oh yeah ok, move on to the next bit".

I think he just really struggles to see what bits are relevant and what aren't,or he thinks everything is relevant when it isn't. He does struggle with prioritising in general life tho.leaving for holiday is a nightmare - I have a mental list of 101 things that must be done before we leave (phones charged, bags packed, garden watered etc) and he'll be there with 5 minutes to go casually doing something totally irrelevant like hoovering the stairs or cleaning the bath. I'm like "it doesn't matter how clean the bath is if we don't have our passports!!"

And BREATHE...

Pippylou · 31/07/2018 01:14

I've just been diagnosed with ADHD, which combined with peri-menopause means shit working memory. So I now yell "less words, bored now" as I really can't take it all in...

FeralBeryl · 31/07/2018 02:05

Same here OP. I find a quick "look I'm going to level with you, I don't give a shit" or "to be honest I'm not listening" usually does the trick Wink

delphguelph · 31/07/2018 02:11

You are my DH and I am your DH.

I narrate, DH is trying to get to the point all the time. Drives me bananas.

Let him tell his stories!

ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking · 31/07/2018 02:41

WeBuiltThisCity up above has recounted very well the type of story I get from my mother in response to the question "Hi, how are you" Hmm.

Sorry if this offends anyone who does it but it's very wearing for the prisoner listener not to mention pretty rude to monopolize a so called conversation like this.

There have honestly been times I've felt light headed trying to follow the fascinating tale of my mother's trip to bloody Tesco to buy some fruit and fibre. 40 minutes and 10 irrelevant tangents later the point of the story will be it's gone up in price, she's not paying that for it so she'll get the Aldi version tomorrow...It takes longer to bloody tell me about than it actually takes to get to Tesco and back Angry.

HerRoyalNotness · 31/07/2018 03:21

My DH does this and is very detail orientated especially when relaying work stories and always goes off on tangents. It actually makes my brain buzz and I get anxious and antsy listening to his tales. And they mostly end with .....and then everyone laughed, and I’m standing there HmmConfused

I have told him to shorten and keep to the point and he tries his best, but like a child, cannot do it and be verbal diarrhoea keeps coming

Quantumblue · 31/07/2018 03:46

I have been known to ask DH a question and bark say 'short answer please'.
In my darker moments I see this kind of waffling as a selfish lack of empathy. You are a poor communicator if you can't see or don't care that the audience is bored.

thebewilderness · 31/07/2018 04:09

Just flat tell him it is rude to do that to people but especially to you.
Pretend he doesn't know any better the first time you tell him.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/07/2018 04:10

As a HCP you get this a lot when trying to take a patient’s history. As if it matters what their neighbour’s daughter had bought at the shops, and indeed what mode of transport she used to get there on the day the patient first consulted their GP. Well, not really that but you get the gist. I became very adept at shutting down the nonsense and cutting to the core matter.

Uncreative · 31/07/2018 04:22

I have this problem with my Mum and my husband.

Short version, please!

TheGoddessFrigg · 31/07/2018 05:14

I work with a woman like this. She is a lovely person but half way through her interminable monologue, she always goes 'Anyway to cut a long story short....'.

I want to yell 'BUT YOU NEVER CUT A STORY SHORT!'

Luglio · 31/07/2018 05:15

I've got one of these. I just zone out, although I think i might try the Kevin Turvey line next time he does it.

He also does what GhostCurry's OH does - telling a joke in front of other people that only I will understand so that I have to explain it (mostly I don't bother so we get Confused all round). No idea what the psychology is there, but it drives me demented.