irrelevant details, fed up, is it just me?

[JoanFrenulum]

With DH mostly. I ask him to do a thing, I don't want a blow-by-blow account of exactly how he's doing the thing. I just asked him to sort out seats on a flight so that he, I and DD are all sat together. So he gave me this stream of consciousness through the entire process, down to telling me how he's deciding between calling customer service on the phone or on Skype. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. AIBU? I asked him to do it because I had loads of other things to take care of; if I'd wanted to know about all the details I would have done it myself.

I stayed nice but am boiling inside. Or, also today, over lunch with relatives he treated us all to a blow-by-blow account in real time of him figuring out when his next colonoscopy is, right down to looking up the time difference between time zones. NOBODY CARES WHEN YOU ARE GETTING YOUR ARSE INSPECTED. SPECIALLY NOT AT LUNCH ON HOLIDAY.

He's basically a pretty good bloke. How do I say "For the love of god spare me the liveblog" without sounding like a bitch?

OK maybe I am being a bit U but I need to vent somewhere or I'll say something mean IRL, and I really truly don't know how to ask him to tone down the granularity of the commentary without sounding mean.

I quite enjoy listening to these monologues sometimes! I like having glimpses of other peoples lives even if I don't know them. It can become very Alan Bennett!

Oh come on Nike I think we probably know more about our own family members than some random on the internet. I can assure you my mother is not autistic, she's just bored and has little going on in her life so when she does see one of her dc she does this. She's perfectly capable of not monologuing and monopolizing every conversation.
I'm not saying that everyone who does this is autistic. I'm saying that autistic people can often do this without realising and it's pretty poor that people can't be a little more tolerant of others. The person with ADHD who said they'd cut them off with yelling 'less words, bored now' is just being downright rude.

Don’t be silly, Nikephorus, no-one’s going to shout this at random strangers, but when your OH or family member does it repeatedly it’s not unreasonable to ask them to stop. I love my DH but after 40 years of him drivelling at me about literally nothing I could cheerfully murder him sometimes. And since we worked in the same place I know my ex colleagues would help me chop him up and hide the bits.

Haha my dad does this!
I don't think it's curable I'm afraid, my mum's been trying for 30 years!

My DP does it constantly, like a pp, now I say
'Oh, very interesting, please tell me again' and he laughs, it never stops him though.
'Nick at works, step-daughter's boyfriend has a new BMW motorbike, the black and grey R1200...'
I DON'T CARE, SHUT UP!

@ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking we share a mother.

I put it down to loneliness and the lack of anything useful to do. It does drive me nuts, BUT as I get older have noticed that I may be starting to do this. help me.

my dh does this and i also let him get away with it as i feel he Needs to talk

My MIL does this. When she has babysat for my nephews (her grandsons) she will tell us literally EVERY word the children said in the evening.
“Then Freddie said Can you sing the Baby Finger song Granny? And I said Of course poppet. And then George said Sing me a song too Granny so I said yes and then...” x2 hours.

My dh does this. Worse still he asks questions but doesn't want any answers. I used to open my mouth to speak and then sit there like a goldfish and then close it. Now I don't bother trying to answer. He has no idea. I even look at the clock several times. 20 minuted on average. Inside I'm shouting just get to the f...... point! whilst sitting calmly. Drives me up the wall. I feel your pain OP.

Ah my DP does this. Ask him the time and he'll tell you how the watch is made .

It may well come to all of us LightlyPoached, most of the people I know with parents a similar age to mine have the same complaint, it's definitely a thing.

Spoons my mother has in the past provided a detailed account of nappies changed, including size, texture, colour and consistency of contents rather than allow a few seconds of silence...
At the dinner table! -

Oh god.................. I do this! I watch DH's eyes glaze over as I drone on, but I can't stop myself, eventually, he tells me to stop and just get to the point. I suppose I'm doing it for dramatic effect.

Re the whole ‘they might be on the spectrum’ thing: I’m on the spectrum & cannot STAND people doing this to me. Having APD means I have to concentrate really hard when people are talking & if they’re taking the long way round in a story I feel so stressed, I genuinely imagine blowing my brains out as a means of calming down.

I only provide detail if I know the person is interested! DD and I can natter for hours about not a lot!
DS I filter to bits of interest
DP gets the bare bones - he then accuses me of not telling him anything and that I don’t try and make conversation! Which would be because he glazes over or shuts me down if he’s not interested - he doesn’t always realise he’s doing it - he will then witter on for hours about something I have no interest in eg physics or electronics, maybe astronomy - I do the courtesy of listening for a while
I’ve always though he has many asd traits but he won’t explore this
It would help if he had any friends or anyone else in his life he could chat with but he went NC with his family years ago and is a loner

My DM is like this. She and DF used to baby sit and stay overnight, and the next morning was always a bloody nightmare. I'd be sitting there, often a little hungover, and it would start: 'well, I put DS2 to bed at 8, then DS1 at 8:15. I went down stairs and I heard a noise … I said to DF 'did you hear that? and he said 'yes'. So I went back upstairs … but they were asleep. Then DS2 coughed. Then later DS1 turned over. Then I ...' OH GOD PLEASE STOP!!!!! DF tells me about TV programmes I've already watched: 'there was a thing on TV last night about XXX' 'Yeah dad I saw it.' 'Did you see it? Well what they said was … ' and tells me the whole thing, all the while me chipping in 'yes, I saw it'.

@ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking Yes mine used to do this!! And apparently the dinner table is the perfect time to discuss DF's bowel troubles.

Haha gosh I think it's the opposite in our house. Im a right chatterbox and dh is much more quiet and only really talks when it's relevant information. Don't know how he puts up with me sometimes

I am quite envious as I have a bad memory and am hopeless at recounting stuff, let alone details.

This is actually a feature in the Polish psyche. Honest to God.

Some 10 years ago now a Polish-Swedish writer wrote a book based on his own life, just a collection of funny stories really about cultural differences. My husband has Polish roots and was reading it, and suddenly came barging in to me to read a passage out loud (he also put on an accent which added to the effect) - the passage is a moan about how Polish people never just answer a question but instead waffle on about other things. I believe the passage was (freely translated and remembered):
"- Your hair is nice, did you get a haircut?

• Well you knoooow many years ago in Poland in the village where my grandmother lived there was no hairdresser, instead you had to go to the man who shevved the sheep and ask for him to use his shevving machine ...

JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU FUCKING IDIOT oh no, there it is again. The unreasonable hatred of an entire people."

Anyway, we were in stitches because true. We tried to tell three separate Polish people about this because it was funny and ALL THREE of them had to go "well you knoooow" and start a story without realising how they were proving the point.

My husband def does this thing where he yaps away and doesn't really expect an answer. Super annoying.

DS2 tends to do this - I ask him for the 'edited highlights' version!

My husband doesn't do this about everyday stuff, but if it's technical...

Me: I heard BILs car failed it's MOT, what was it?
Him: Well, you know how the thingumy works...
Me: mmmm
Him: So, the thingumy turns the whatsit, it's very clever really, Sir Bob Whatsit-Thingumy designed it in 1953, before that it was a doodah which was actually quite dangerous, Jim Speed died at the Flipflopring because of a dodgy doodah, which is what led Sir Thingumy to consider the problem....
20 minutes later
Me: So he needs new brake pads?
Him: Yeah
Me: Goes to lie down to clear head

Ha, ha, that was me with the "bored now".

If you knew me and my DH, you'd know it was done in fun! He's always been super quiet, so him chatting away with lots of detail is a new thing and something I've done to him for years! :-)

It does make life easier, being super direct tho, I can't do lots of input just now. I only do it with him, as we've been together years and he's bril!

I do this, less so since it was pointed out to me by an ex ea, controlling, cheating bastard boyfriend. He was so lovely about it -
"I don't need your fucking life story"

However it did make me notice myself doing it and I make an effort to not now, or stop when I catch myself in full flow. It also made me realise DM and DSis are the same.

I use the "I don't need your life story" when they start but in an entirely different way - it works and they at least don't take offence.

Talking of which, my very lovely DH went to see my mum. She rang me before he came home and said "he was very quiet". He came home and said he'd not managed to get a single word in during a 45 minute visit, so that's where I get it from.

Hilariously now, she sounds well bored when I chat...the joys of being very old, she can just be!

@Pippylou