How can people speak to their dc like this.. So sad

[INeedMoreCakeInMyLife]

So went shopping this morning. As going bk to car there was a lady having a full on rage at her young DS. He was approx 3-4 years old.. He was screaming and crying. (obviously I have no idea why)
She was saying just get in the fing car. Sometimes you're such a little prick! He said ' I'm goingto run away from here.'
To which she said good ill put the bastard flags out and pack Your bags, have some fing respect I'm your mother.
With that an older gentleman looked up to her and said. Your child will never have respect for you if you speak like that.. Maybe if you spoke calmly he would calm down.
She said you don't know me, or what kind of day I've had , how dare you judge me! (he then took a photo of her and her reg plate?)

It was awful.. I know we all have bad days, but really? Speaking like that to a young child?
It makes me. Wonder what Goes. On Begind closed doors.. Poor child.

Yes it’s very sad. However you saw a snap shot of their life.

It doesn’t matter how awful things are, you don’t treat a 3year old like that.

Yes it's sad. Not everyone has had a good upbringing themselves.

I wonder what the Man is going to do with that photo?
In an ideal world it would have been nice to step in and offer to buy her a coffee, and her ds a drink. To talk to them and calm them down. But we don’t live in an ideal world. I would have been shocked but I’d have minded my own business and driven away.
It’s very sad. The poor child.

We have neighbours like that. We hear it quite a lot from both parents. It's heartbreaking.

It's awful and I couldn't care less if she's Mary Poppins the rest of the time though I doubt it. Bloody abhorrent way to behave towards such a young child. If you treat children kindly, they treat others the same way.

I can’t think of a circumstance where that’s ok even as a “snapshot”

" I can’t think of a circumstance where that’s ok even as a “snapshot” "

I agree that poor kid

Yeah that’s a snapshot. A snapshot of what that child is putting up with all the time. Horrible.

Ah yes the famous mumsnet “you only saw a snapshot” and it was the very first post, got to be a record surely?

No matter what is going on in the grown up parents life a child should never be spoken to in that way, never. There is never an excuse to speak to a child that would way.

It is always laughable telling a child to respect you while swearing at it, don’t you think? Respect works both ways does it not and children need an example to follow

I was queuing behind a woman like this recently. She was on the phone with a basket full of clothes in primark, her son (maybe 5?) kept wandering around, trying to put the "impulse buy" items they sell by the tills into the basket, trying to chat to her while she was on the phone. In fairness he was being a bit of a pain, but he'd obviously been dragged bored and hot around primark while his mum ignored him on the phone. Anyway, she was really laying into him on the phone telling whoever she was talking too what a "utter little shit" he had been all day and how he was "doing her fucking head in, the little twat". Every time he put something in the basket she took it and threw it back at him, slapped at his hands, and yelled "put that the fuck back". I mean, snap shot of her day or not it really made me cringe. I really struggle to believe that someone who can talk to their kid like that in public is a model of patience and kindness at home where no one can see them. Maybe I shouldn't have judged, but I did, and I think most people would.

I have heard similar to this myself and I was so shocked, a few weeks ago my 10 year old DD went to a sleepover at a school friend and when she came home the next day told me the way the mum speaks to the children is awful, particularly the 5 year old brother, he shouted her from upstairs and she was screaming “shut the f up” at him whilst not moving from her tv programand also called him a little bastard and a c. My daughter didn’t even know that word so I know she can’t have been exaggerating. I wanted to report but I felt it would look obvious who it was as my daughter had just been round their house and would the authorities take a child’s word for it. ☹️

Yep and sadly the likelihood is that that kid will grow up speaking to people in the same way.

The kids I remember from school who got yelled at and walloped in the street are the ones I see doing the same (minus the walloping to be fair although that probably does happen behind closed doors) to their own nowadays. Very sad. If you know no different though, what can be expected.

Of course there are exceptions and some people break the cycle, good on them.

Some people have had a terrible upbringing themselves and think this is a normal way to speak to kids. But it is never okay.

Don't you just love the bleeding heart types that say they'd buy a bullying thug of an abusive parent a cup of tea? There's always one. It doesnt matter what your tiny child has done. There's never any excuse for talking to them like that.

The trouble is anyone can have kids.

You don't call a three-year old a prick.

Shouting, swearing, encouraging the child to run away and calling them a prick is not a snapshot of a happy, normal, caring parent.

It's a snapshot of a parent who's getting things very wrong and needs help. Excusing it as 'just a snapshot' just encourages bystanders to not intervene. Well done that man.

Awful and the children will grow up and repeat the same parenting as they copy their role models. Some people should never become parents given the way they treat their offspring.

MN will be full of it's a snapshot and a one off but the reality isn't it won't be a one off and there's no excuse for it no matter how bad a day someone is having. If you can speak like that in public then who knows how bad it is in private.

I've worked in communities with a lot of swearing. For lots of people, swearing isn't a big deal. It also has nothing to do with respect so that seems an odd conclusion for the old man to draw.

You haven't said she was shouting or screaming or violent. It's fine for you to find swearing objectionable I hate it personally but it's a language choice and not a sign of abuse.

Fowl behaviour by the mother, boardering on abuse. We all have bad days, but we don’t need to bully and use fowl language.

For years I heard my neighbour yell and swear in front of her children (in a pretty posh area of London). The kids must be 4 & 6 now. I heard the oldest shout at her ‘oh f@ck’ off’. It’s learnt ingrained behaviour, so sad.

Didn’t take long for the idiotic “snapshot” and “buy the poor woman a cup of tea” comments did it?! 😏

My neighbour shouts at her child all the time when she's on her own with him. She doen't swear at him as far as I'm aware but she's constantly yelling no or 'don't do that' at him, in what to me sounds like a very aggressive way. Some days it's relentless; it's amazing how much he cries and whines.

Funnily enough she never seems to do it when her husband or visitors are around.

I won't be offering to give her a coffee and a chat as one pp suggested would happen in an ideal world. I've always found her a difficult person to like, more so since she's started being so unpleasant to a small child.

I hear this 'snapshot' of their lives all the time and yes I do judge.

Yeah, even if was just a 'snapshot' I bet these snapshots are fairly regular. That exchange sounds different to a parent blowing their top, then feeling almost immediately guilty and apologising and reassuring their child

Plenty of reliable research shows that it is more difficult for the child if the parent is abusive one minute but nice and 'normal' the next, as the kid doesn't know what way is up. Never knowing what response you are going to get from a parent can lead to disorganised attachment, which is difficult to resolve.

If it's a 'snapshot' then it's a pretty scary one being that most people will moderate their behaviour in public places. It would make me very anxious about how the the boy is treated behind closed doors.

Not an excuse by any means as that behaviour towards a small child is disgraceful, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was same treatment she got as child, and seems perfectly normal and acceptable to her. Poor child.