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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can people speak to their dc like this.. So sad

113 replies

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 30/07/2018 14:18

So went shopping this morning. As going bk to car there was a lady having a full on rage at her young DS. He was approx 3-4 years old.. He was screaming and crying. (obviously I have no idea why)
She was saying just get in the fing car. Sometimes you're such a little prick! He said ' I'm goingto run away from here.'
To which she said good ill put the bastard flags out and pack Your bags, have some fing respect I'm your mother.
With that an older gentleman looked up to her and said. Your child will never have respect for you if you speak like that.. Maybe if you spoke calmly he would calm down.
She said you don't know me, or what kind of day I've had , how dare you judge me! (he then took a photo of her and her reg plate?)

It was awful.. I know we all have bad days, but really? Speaking like that to a young child?
It makes me. Wonder what Goes. On Begind closed doors.. Poor child.

OP posts:

starcrossedseahorse · 30/07/2018 15:15

I hate the snapshot shit. Some people (many?) should not be parents. I was brought up by one and wish that someone would have stood up for me when they saw one of my many 'snapshots'.

PasswordRejection · 30/07/2018 15:16

If a large man was shouting at a small woman like that would a cuppa and a nice chat be in order??

FelicityFoxworth · 30/07/2018 15:16

It's absolutely disgusting and I'd be taking photos too and reporting it to SS if there was any way that I could

You'll find this thread is full of child abuse apologists though I'm afraid OP.

MyBloodyMaltesersAreMelting · 30/07/2018 15:19

JessicaJonesJacket the OP states a lady having a full on rage
I’m guessing voices where raised
Calling a child a prick basically saying you’d be glad if they ran away is emotional abuse

Fatbelliedgirl · 30/07/2018 15:19

Recently in a supermarket I was shocked to hear a mum yell at her beautiful little boy, around 4 years old "fucking shut up you fucking little c**t" while he was crying for her when she was ignoring him at the checkouts

SnuggyBuggy · 30/07/2018 15:21

I can understand having a bad day and getting angry but using that language on a child is grim. It's also my experience that those who talk about respect the most tend to deserve it the least.

Stillme1 · 30/07/2018 15:22

When I started reading this I did wonder if it could be any one I know but the child's age is not right at all. I have heard this going on for a long time but never been able to do anything about it. I don't know why parents shout and swear at children. Kids can be annoying and exasperating but shouting and swearing is not going to teach them much.
I wondered if the man taking the photo did so with the intent to supply SS with information. Unfortunately SS don't seem to be capable of stepping in before it all goes very bad.

HildaZelda · 30/07/2018 15:26

My parents used to speak to me like that when I was a child (among the physical abuse).
I'm NC with both of them now.

I went to a therapist at one stage and told her I was afraid that I'd be a really bad mother when I had kids and that I'd do the same to my children as my mother did to me. She told me the fact that I was even thinking it, was a good sign as it meant that I was conscious of it and would be completely different. She gave me some good advice which was basically 'do the complete opposite of what your parents did to you'.

Notsooriginalwerther · 30/07/2018 15:27

That’s so saddening, I’m not sure they realise that in fact acting like that towards your child will only exacerbate things. I once watched a woman in Asda slap her son around the face, he must have been about 6/7 and he was pushing the trolley and it went a bit off course... made someone stop their trolley... that was it, no crash no one was hurt the boy said sorry to the man and it carried on but his mum was livid that he didn’t control that trolley and slapped him round the face. That shocked me because as many have said in public places we monitor our behaviour so if she deemed hat acceptable to be seen in public what on earth does she do behind closed doors. It’s awful.

IrishMumInLondon · 30/07/2018 15:32

It's emotional abuse pure and simple. There are no excuses. Some people are simply not mature enough and / or emotionally stable enough to have children. Very sad.

Hidingtonothing · 30/07/2018 15:33

Swearing isn't a big deal in our house but there's a massive difference between the occasional 'oh fuck' type expletive and this kind of aggressive swearing and name calling which is effectively bullying. DH works away a lot and often eats alone in pubs and restaurants, he's rung me twice in the last 3 weeks genuinely upset about the way he's seen DC being treated and spoken to, including one little girl being told 'you're a cunt, you can go thirsty now' after her brother had knocked her drink over in full view of the mum I see it all the time too and it's horrible OP

Valanice1989 · 30/07/2018 15:34

I think the "snapshot" thing is a way for society to remain in denial about the fact that there are so many children growing up in abusive homes. It's much nicer to believe that it was a one-off due to an exceptionally difficult day, that the parent in question usually takes good care of their kids and that it won't happen again. The opposite is probably true, though.

Why do so many people think inviting an abusive parent round for a cup of tea or coffee will somehow change things? What exactly do hot drinks contain that works this magic?

My grandfather was violent to his wife and children. Not a single one of his nine surviving children went to visit him in hospital when he was dying. If only one of the neighbours had invited him round for coffee the first time he hit one of them!

IrishMumInLondon · 30/07/2018 15:37

Hopefully the man who took the photo will report and hopefully it will lead to some involvement from police and ultimately social services. Wouldn't be surprised if woman already on SS radar

flamingofridays · 30/07/2018 15:37

it makes me so so sad when I hear stuff like this. There is a couple of mums I see on the nursery run who are always like this, and yes I know I don't know the circumstances but it just makes me want to give the kids a hug.

juneau · 30/07/2018 15:37

If that's what she's like in public I hate to think what goes on behind closed doors tbh. Who on earth speaks to their DC like that???? I have never felt occasion to do so in almost 11 years, so all the 'don't judge' brigade are wrong in this instance. What a horrible woman. That poor DC

Easilyflattered · 30/07/2018 15:38

It's a snapshot of what they're willing to shout at their child in public.

So I bet home life is even more horrendous.

Having said that I did threaten to pull the car over and make my children walk home this afternoon. The constant bickering was doing my head in.

Northernlass99 · 30/07/2018 15:39

Its really shocking and distressing to listen to something like that. I witnessed something similar about 5 years ago in a car park, big woman, calling her little 3 yo a 'little b*stard" and screaming at him when he was already crying, except she also belted the him across the back with all her mite. I honestly thought she would break a bone. I took her reg number and reported to 911. They took all the details and said they would pass on to social services, and she would get a visit. I really hope that happened. However a friend of mine who works in social services says they are just too overwhelmed to deal with anything like that. It still worries me now. She had so much anger in her - she probably had a shit life herself, and needs some help but its not an excuse.

RideOn · 30/07/2018 15:40

I'm glad the older man intervened and I hope he passes on the information to SS.

Whatever she had on that day, it shouldn't be the 3 year old who suffers.

paap1975 · 30/07/2018 15:41

If she's happy to behave like that in public, what's she like when no-one's watching? Scary!

Barbie222 · 30/07/2018 15:41

Glad to see that the snapshot brigade are finally getting their arses handed to them. Never okay, not as a one off, not as a bad day, not if parent has her own problems. I've seen lots of threads apologise for and explain away abuse. Glad the man you describe spoke up and took a picture, even if he could do nothing with it. Attitudes like hers need to be robustly and publicly challenged.

flamingofridays · 30/07/2018 15:42

I've worked in communities with a lot of swearing. For lots of people, swearing isn't a big deal. It also has nothing to do with respect so that seems an odd conclusion for the old man to draw

I don't know about this because generally I am quite sweary, at work, at home whatever. however I do not swear at or around kids. DSS is an exception however he is 13 and knows better than repeating it, however I don't and would never swear at him. DS is 2 and repeats everything no way would I swear around him or at him. I cant think of anything he could do that would make me call him a little prick or whatever it said in the OP.

Don't get me wrong after a bad day I might tell dp that he's been a bit of a shit, but not in a "he's a right fucking shit and an awful child way" just that he's been a handful. I wouldn't ever shout it at him or say it near him! or even mean it in a nasty way,

so whilst I do agree swearing isn't a big deal for people (and like I say its not for me) this in my opinion is an entirely different use of swearing iyswim.

BrokenWing · 30/07/2018 15:46

In an ideal world it would have been nice to step in and offer to buy her a coffee

Seriously? That wasn't a mum having a bad day/struggling and in need of support, that was abuse.

I wonder what the Man is going to do with that photo?

In an ideal world he will give it to the appropriate services and they would intervene on behalf of the child, but unlikely. No 3-4 year old child ever deserves to be treated like that.

JustDanceAddict · 30/07/2018 15:46

I’m glad someone called her up on it as it may make her think twice about treating her kid like that again. Maybe it shitted her up enough to think about her language and actions and/or she’ll get some help.
I swung between horror and sympathy for these parents as they don’t know better and have prob been treated the same by their parents.

Deadringer · 30/07/2018 15:48

I have been a mother for nearly 30 years, I have been through some really shit times and I haven't always been the mum I would like to be, but I have never, ever, in public or in private spoken to my DC like that. It's not just the swearing, she spoke to the child with utter contempt. Disgusting.

AviatorShades · 30/07/2018 15:58

What's stayed with me this summer is the mother pushing a pram, dragging her other child along, his little feet barely touching the pavement (and obviously crying) screaming at him "shut the fuckup! I should have bleedin' aborted you"

No words or emoticons necessary.

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