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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can people speak to their dc like this.. So sad

113 replies

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 30/07/2018 14:18

So went shopping this morning. As going bk to car there was a lady having a full on rage at her young DS. He was approx 3-4 years old.. He was screaming and crying. (obviously I have no idea why)
She was saying just get in the fing car. Sometimes you're such a little prick! He said ' I'm goingto run away from here.'
To which she said good ill put the bastard flags out and pack Your bags, have some fing respect I'm your mother.
With that an older gentleman looked up to her and said. Your child will never have respect for you if you speak like that.. Maybe if you spoke calmly he would calm down.
She said you don't know me, or what kind of day I've had , how dare you judge me! (he then took a photo of her and her reg plate?)

It was awful.. I know we all have bad days, but really? Speaking like that to a young child?
It makes me. Wonder what Goes. On Begind closed doors.. Poor child.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 18:42

Yes , people have a choice on whether to come on here but I initially came on here thinking this was a site for support , why aren't posts that are not supportive deleted ?

Because it's Mumsnet and not Netmums.

flamingofridays · 30/07/2018 18:42

lola sorry but I cannot be supportive of a parent who shouts at their children like that.

I can be supportive of one who's struggling. One who's child is challenging. One who shouts through frustration etc.

Sorry but in my book there's no excuse for treating a child like that. I don't care how bad your life if there's no excuse.

A bad life isn't an excuse to ruin someone elses.

AmateurSwami · 30/07/2018 18:43

It’s vile.
Suggestions to buy the mum a coffee are weird. Being stressed doesn’t mean you f and blind at a 3yo ffs.

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:51

@GreatDuckCookery oh yes I just noticed there are 2 different sites . Wow ! That's funny .

MissionItsPossible · 30/07/2018 18:52

Suggestions to buy the mum a coffee are weird.

In addition to being weird, I would not be handing a boiling hot drink to someone who was that unhinged to be nastily and aggressively screaming and swearing in public at a crying child.

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:53

@flamingofridays I wonder if she does it on purpose, for effect , maybe she does

rinabean · 30/07/2018 18:54

I'm glad someone told her off.

"snapshot" my arse.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 18:56

Lola MN and NM are two very different sites. Maybe you'd be more suited to NM if you're offended by some of the posters on here?

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:57

@TheDowagerCuntess if she chooses to be an emotional bully then that is very harmful and social services will surely be involved Soon . However , I m sure someone who chooses to be a bully would do it in places where they would not be found out . .I maybe wrong , I'm sure loads will say I am

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:58

@GreatDuckCookery yes , this is more of a gossip site , I think the other site is for me

needsleep12345 · 30/07/2018 18:59

**Because it's Mumsnet and not Netmums.

I checked out Netmums a few times when I was pregnant and was freaked out by the widespread normalisation/ validation of child abuse on there. Maybe I was just really unlucky in the threads I clicked on, but it seemed to be all "Aw, you slap your 18 month old every day and call him a little cunt? You sound like a wonderful mama, hun. Those kids really know how to push our buttons. You're not doing anything every other mummy doesn't do - don't listen to the haters". Don't get me wrong, if someone admits to abusing their child, I don't think it's helpful to tell them they're evil and leave it at that. But "you need help to change before you damage your child forever - here are some contacts" is a damn sight better (and more genuinely supportive) than "you're doing just fine, mama, keep up the good work" .

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 19:01

Gossip site? How do you mean?

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 30/07/2018 19:06

why aren't posts that are not supportive deleted

Do you really expect posts who don't agree with parents treating their children badly to be deleted?

Society should judge poor parents, children can't remove themselves from the situation and somebody reporting them may make a huge difference to their life.

SmileSweetly · 30/07/2018 19:08

Handing a raging woman, with distraught toddler, a boiling hot drink is not appropriate

SnuggyBuggy · 30/07/2018 19:13

It's not gossip, no one's being identified

LuckyLuckyWoman · 30/07/2018 19:17

In the park today I was behind a family, possibly 4 year old pushing a baby in the pram. The pram went off the path onto the grass. Mother shouts FFS look where you're f'ing going. Dad shouts stop f'ing messing about.

It was so sad to see that this seemed so normal to them in the circumstances.

DameSylvieKrin · 30/07/2018 19:18

I once heard a woman in Tesco in Cambridge say to her mewling baby, who was definitely under two months old, "Shut up, you little cunt." With real venom in her voice.
I often wondered if a baby could drive you to that, but since I have my own, I've thought that no, even in the depths of sleep deprivation and hormones, there's no excuse for it.

DameSylvieKrin · 30/07/2018 19:19

funinthesun18 · 30/07/2018 19:22

Even if I was having the worst day in the world, I could never speak to my 3 year old like that. Whatever is going on, there is nothing that could justify it

Branleuse · 30/07/2018 19:29

When I was at a french beach a few years ago, a father called his children out of the water to go. They didnt respond quickly enough, and the next minute he was at the waters edge with a belt, snapping it loudly. They ran out quickly.

I know its awful, but we have a lot of parents who have no idea how to get children to do what they need to do, coupled with far more intense parenting and far harsher judgements from the public.
I think its hardly surprising that people lose their rag sometimes.
Of course its not great, but every single generation before us would have done a hell of a lot worse, and now parents get reported to SS if they even shout at their children now

AntiHop · 30/07/2018 19:34

I grew up in an abusive environment. My parents were awful in many ways. But even at my most frustrated and exhausted, I'd never speak to my dd like that.

MairyHole · 30/07/2018 20:22

I used to live near someone like this. I'm sure it's easy to dismiss her behaviour as just a snapshot if you only see it once. But she was even worse to the children when she was at home than when she was out and about. She had 3 and the youngest was perhaps 4. She routinely called them cunts and you could hear her swearing at them from our house (which was across the street). It was absolutely awful. She was always nice as pie to everyone else.

There is never an excuse to lose your temper and swear at children like that. Shouting is one thing but there are some things you don't say to children. I also bet she wouldn't swear at her boss at work like that (or similar) - they are just bullies.

SweetheartNeckline · 30/07/2018 20:27

Yes it is just a snap shot but gosh what an unpleasant one! I have my moments but even when I would describe myself as having "lost my shit" I would never shout at full volume or swear at my children.

I do hope the man contacts SS: it's deeply unlikely that they'll take the kids but they might be able to put in interventions (parenting course etc) to help everyone involved.

Poor mum sounds at the end of her tether.

mummyto3blessings2018 · 30/07/2018 20:32

I see this a lot. It gets me so angry. I lost my DD to cancer in January she was just 29 months. I cherished her with all my heart and when I see things like it it really gets me angry. Why do people like that deserve such blessings. I know I shouldn't judge and I'm sorry for doing it. But that child deserves a cuddle not be treated so horrible

skunkatanka · 30/07/2018 21:19

mummyto3

No words. Just

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