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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can people speak to their dc like this.. So sad

113 replies

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 30/07/2018 14:18

So went shopping this morning. As going bk to car there was a lady having a full on rage at her young DS. He was approx 3-4 years old.. He was screaming and crying. (obviously I have no idea why)
She was saying just get in the fing car. Sometimes you're such a little prick! He said ' I'm goingto run away from here.'
To which she said good ill put the bastard flags out and pack Your bags, have some fing respect I'm your mother.
With that an older gentleman looked up to her and said. Your child will never have respect for you if you speak like that.. Maybe if you spoke calmly he would calm down.
She said you don't know me, or what kind of day I've had , how dare you judge me! (he then took a photo of her and her reg plate?)

It was awful.. I know we all have bad days, but really? Speaking like that to a young child?
It makes me. Wonder what Goes. On Begind closed doors.. Poor child.

OP posts:

Easilyflattered · 30/07/2018 16:14

Aviator, god that's horrific. I actually feel sick just reading it.

mineisarossini · 30/07/2018 16:18

I really sincerely hope he reports her and what a brave and courageous man. It is people like him that are the foundations of a decent society.

Poor poor lamb, snapshot or not the way she spoke to her small child is entirely unacceptable.

CammieKennaway · 30/07/2018 16:18

I work in a large store and am horrified at the way some parents speak to their children. Worst was a few years ago when a woman with two children (one aged about 6 and the other in a buggy) could be heard up on the upper floor screaming and swearing at her children at the top of her voice and then she began screaming at her DD6 to "Open the fucking lift dooooooorrrr! Noooowww!" so aggressively that myself and all of the customers I was serving and who were in my queue (it was around Christmas, so very busy) all stopped what we were doing and looked up at the mezz floor in horror where this poor child was screaming and crying in a proper panic trying to open the notoriously difficult lift door - all the while, her vile mother was screaming and swearing at her and slamming the buggy around the displays really roughly.
I'll never forget her ugly reddened rage-filled face as she came down the lift and left the store - it was horrible to feel so powerless to help that poor child and I still think of the poor kid now even though she must be a teenager or near teen years by now.
I always wonder if I should have done anything differently (all I managed to do was call my manager and report it to him and give her a horrified look as she stormed out).
She still comes instore sometimes now and she's such a horrible, rude, vile person.

mydogmymate · 30/07/2018 16:43

I don't think these people realise the long term effect of emotional abuse

starcrossedseahorse · 30/07/2018 17:19

Completely agree Barbie222

Oysterbabe · 30/07/2018 17:39

I've seen a couple of similarly upsetting scenes in recent years.

One there was a young couple standing on a bridge looking over the railings into the river. They had a little girl with them who was no older than 3. She was crying because she wanted to stand at the railings too and look at the river like they were but whenever she tried they pushed her backwards. The mum said "No! You're a twat and will end up falling in" She obviously didn't understand they wanted to keep her safe and just sees the aggression and shouting.

The second one that stuck in my mind was a little girl of about 6 walking behind her mum, who was on her phone and not really paying attention. They were crossing a road and the mum kept walking and the little girl stopped. The mum got to the other side of the road and noticed her daughter wasn't with her. She started screaming at her to fucking come on. The little girl was trying to tell her that she wanted to wait for the green man but got shouted over and eventually started to cross, a car had to stop for her.

A couple of little snapshots of probably fairly depressing lives for small children who aren't listened to or understood.

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 17:50

@INeedMoreCakeInMyLife I need lessons on how to keep calm from you , please

Menolly · 30/07/2018 17:53

My parents used to talk to me like that all the time. The thing is mum still doesn't see whats wrong with it and she had made me think it was so normal, that people would tell me off for my behaviour rather than care about her reaction, I was scared to tell anyone what she was like because I thought I deserved it.

It's just a snapshot and aw lets buy her a coffee and talk it through is bollocks, if a parent is willing to act like that in public you can bet they are willing to be much worse in private. I remember a lady asking me if i was ok once and mum gagged me when I got home so my stupid mouth wouldn't bring in SS and do you know the really stupid thing? I thought SS would be a bad thing so I sat in my room all afternoon asking myself what was wrong with me that I couldn't calm down. I regularly got a smack for embarrassing mum in public. If you want to help get what details you can and refer it to SS, or the police, but ffs don't half arse interfere then leave that child to go home with them. A coffee and a chat will not help but it might well make it worse.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 17:59

It is a snapshot yes but I'd bet my house she talks like that to him very often, poor kid.

HootOnABoat · 30/07/2018 18:04

It's appalling what people will allow themselves to do, isn't it?

I was in Italy and I saw a young girl running around on the train platform. Her mother (I presume) grabbed her by the arm, dragged her to the iron fence and proceeded to bang her head against the metal railing a couple of times. Child starts screaming and crying of course.

SemperIdem · 30/07/2018 18:07

I hate the “snapshot” comment. A perfectly reasonable, loving parent isn’t going to start calling their child a “little cunt” etc in public are they?

They’re doing to sound a bit sharp and look a bit stressed whilst still essentially saying something reasonable to their child.

Someone who rants and swears at their child in public, well it is fairly clear they’re not going to be winning any parenting awards unless it’s for being a shit one.

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:07

Yuk ! Mums net is sometimes used as a judgmental bullying platform . Yes we all know it's wrong , let's just make a post on it and discuss how wrong it is with others! Absolute load of bullies ! I'm starting to take things said on here too seriously so think it is time to leave after this one . So many people have easy lives and have no clue . I never thought I would shout at at my children and with 2 children up until my eldest turned 7 I never had shouted at him or his sibling and had defo never slapped them . My mother frequently shouted and slapped and swore I never would ...in hindsight maybe I would have made a post like this years ago but coming from the other side :don't judge from a snippet, fortunately I don't think people will ever understand some of the crap people go through in their lives .

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:08

@SemperIdem yuk that c word is a terrible one , not a nice one to use .

ApproachingATunnel · 30/07/2018 18:10

Well, thing is the now 3-4 year old will leave once he’s adult if she continues talking to me like that. Well done to the man who stepped in, maybe his word will make her think after she’s calmed down.

Branleuse · 30/07/2018 18:18

She sounds at the end of her tether. Never nice to hear someone lose their temper at anybody, and never nice to be driven to that point. Equally horrible to be on the other end of it.

Move on. Parents arent perfect

SnuggyBuggy · 30/07/2018 18:18

Some of these stories are awful

Easilyflattered · 30/07/2018 18:19

Picture the scene, a large zoo in France in August, it's late afternoon, sultry and about 35 degrees. Everyone has had enough for the day.

French children are whining, British children are whining, Dutch kids, etc.

French dad shouts a girl of about 6 and gives her a hard clout round the head, the crowd gasps. The child appeals to her mother and the mother basically says "well what did you expect for annoying him?"

Parents of various nationalities exchange awkward glances until one mother (Dutch?) Said very loudly in English

"Well I think that was too much, and I hope one day she forgives you both".

The world needs more people willing to speak out.

MissionItsPossible · 30/07/2018 18:21

I saw a woman scream at her boy of around 8. He said “Go and stand on a street corner you fucking slag” and she shouted “when we get home I’m calling the social”. Such a sad snapshot.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/07/2018 18:27

I wonder what the Man is going to do with that photo?

In an ideal world he will give it to the appropriate services and they would intervene on behalf of the child, but unlikely

But in the real world he'll create a name and shame FB post with the intention for it to go viral. cant be at bit of keyboard vigilantism.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 30/07/2018 18:32

Having a crap life doesn't excuse anything, it's just that ... an excuse. Bit like the thread with misbehaving children in the supermarket, some parents making excuses rather than tackling the issue.

There is never any need to treat a child badly ever. If a parent can't cope then maybe they need to seek help or stop having more children etc.

lola212121 · 30/07/2018 18:35

These posts are pathetic . Net mums need to sort this covert bullying out .I have been on here less than a month and like Facebook , this is really starting to annoy me ! People are anonymously slating people here for no other reason than to slate , this to me is a platform for bullying and for people who have been in similar situations it is probably easy to take on the role of the person being talked about and get quite upset . A lot of These posts have made me laugh with disbelief but actually that laughter is now making me angry because of the lack of understanding from people , just a reminder of what Some have to live with . Yes , people have a choice on whether to come on here but I initially came on here thinking this was a site for support , why aren't posts that are not supportive deleted ?

Rosarollo · 30/07/2018 18:37

I have a short temper. I deal with it appropriately but i couldnt imagine saying that to my 3 yo.

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/07/2018 18:38

This is a really sad thread.

I think something we don't like to think about, is how many parents just don't treat their kids well. Children are so vulnerable

TheDowagerCuntess · 30/07/2018 18:39

lola - why are you so defensive of the adult who is choosing to be emotionally abusive, and not the child, who has no choice but to be on the receiving end of the abuse?

Why do you think people are 'bullying', when the woman in question has no idea about this thread?

Why are you so up in arms at people feeling worried for a child?

Deadringer · 30/07/2018 18:41

Lola no one said they never shouted at their kids. And most people go through shit times, I know I certainly have. What would you prefer us to talk about?

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