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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it can be easier to be the parent of numerous children than one?

113 replies

Bumpitybumper · 30/07/2018 13:37

I am still in baby/toddler stage with my two so I am genuinely asking out of interest as I don't have enough direct experience to form a proper opinion, but am I right in thinking that sometimes it can be easier to have more than one DC? My assumption is mainly based on the belief that they will be less dependent on adults to provide the companionship and entertainment they need as their siblings could be their playmate. Obviously where the DC don't get on this is a bit of a non starter but if the DC do get on well do you think it actually requires less effort to raise more than one child overall?

OP posts:

mydogmymate · 30/07/2018 13:40

In my own situation that isn't the case. I had 3 dc ( now adults) and then had another who is now 11. My elder 3 did nothing but argue and I often felt like I was refereeing world war three! With just one it's so much easier.

Just my perspective.

TheExhausted · 30/07/2018 13:42

I only have one DS but he's generally easier to look after when I have my DN who is the same age too.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 30/07/2018 13:43

I've found it much easier with 4 than I did with just 1 or 2. But I guess I was 5 years older and wiser when I had 3 and 4.

Occamsrazorblade · 30/07/2018 13:44

I think it cancels itself out. More than one child and yes, they may provide company for each other sometimes when not with friends or school, but it means there’s twice the one-to-one time with each parent, double/treble the ferrying to interests, friends houses, hobbies (it would be rare for siblings to have exactly the same hobbies etc) and certainly more work in the house.

StillMedusa · 30/07/2018 13:48

My four were all close in age ( 1,3,4,5) and in many ways it was easy.. same activities suited, clothes passed down.
But then they get older and dear god the expense! And the Mum's taxi to hobbies, parties, etc etc
It's different but definitely not easier in the long run. Put it this way, I would a lot better off now if I hadn't had four!!! (But they are fab and they adore each other so not complaining really!)

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/07/2018 13:49

Of course it is - the older ones bring up the younger ones. How do you think the Duggars and the Radfords manage?

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 30/07/2018 13:49

YAB sort of U - but only in a blanket assumption way. I'm a happy only child. I could read and had a good imagination so I kept myself happily amused and also never had to share toys or attention from my parents. I had company from friends if I wanted it and had no one to point score against or resent. You see plenty of people on here who admit to never having liked their sibs, being a teenager or adult before liking their sibs or resenting the youngest, the golden child, the one who had a hobby that took over family life. Can't imagine those siblings playing together much.

So YABU in assuming that this is the rule or that an only is a drain on parents.

wendz86 · 30/07/2018 13:51

My first was very demanding of me from the moment she woke up so it is nice now she has someone to play with that i can sit and drink a cup of tea.
There are times when i am split in two especially as a single parent but the majority of the time it is not too bad.

YellowDesk · 30/07/2018 13:51

I agree with you OP, although it varies with different kids. My older DC always wants a lot of attention and one on one entertainment. If he’s home alone with me I don’t get much done, although that is changin to some extent as he gets older. But when his sister is around she gives him a lot of the attention he craves. He still looks to us but not nearly as much. My younger DC is totally different. She is happy to play on her own for long periods of time. She likes playing with her brother but she’s also fine if he’s not around. So it just depends.

My kids also fight a lot when they are together and make a lot more mess They are less likely to listen and way more likely to get hurt, as they play more active games and it can get quite physical. So all of that requires supervision and energy too. In my house I would say it evens out.

The exception would be that I find it much easier to have two kids when we are on holiday. They play together a lot so we don’t have to always be building sandcastles and such. Two kids swimming together is more fun for them than being alone. Also they don’t like to go to hotel kids clubs on their own but they will go together.

Original poster

Bumpitybumper · 30/07/2018 13:58

Yes I can see how it could be personality dependent. I too have a demanding eldest and I hope that things will get easier once her brother catches up a bit more developmentally as currently she commands ALL the adult attention.

OP posts:

BluthsFrozenBananas · 30/07/2018 13:58

I think it depends very much on the child. I have one, my sister has two, I was chatting to her last night and she said she found things much easier if she has an extra child or two round as they keep hers amused. I find the opposite, it’s much less stressful for me with just DD, she’s quite happy pottering around reading, crafting and watching TV, if we have other children to visit I find they're constantly asking me to provide suggestions for activities.

SoyDora · 30/07/2018 14:01

Mine are only 4 and 3 but so far I agree. When I only have one of them it’s really intense, I’m constantly ‘on duty’ and am called upon for every little thing. When they’re both together they’re happy amusing each other a lot of the time! The bickering is a downside but it’s very occasional for us.

SoyDora · 30/07/2018 14:03

Of course it is - the older ones bring up the younger ones

Well with a 19 month age gap my older one certainly isn’t ‘bringing’ up my younger one! They do play well together though.

JacquesHammer · 30/07/2018 14:09

My assumption is mainly based on the belief that they will be less dependent on adults to provide the companionship and entertainment they need as their siblings could be their playmate

I had a child just so I could provide companionship and entertainment!

We spent lovely years playing together - she's now rather more self-sufficient.

Happyandshiney · 30/07/2018 14:11

It’s swings and roundabouts I think.

I have twins. They each ate good friends with a child who is an “only”.

My two have the advantage of never being lonely. Always having someone to play with and chat to even on holiday.

The only children have far more 1:1 time with their parents.
The only children’s parents only have to make decisions about budget, scheduling, activities with one child in mind (not trying to balance each child’s needs)

When I have one child with me I think it’s incredibly easy (especially when they were little).

But I notice that friends with one child are very keen to organise play dates, invite other kids on days out, holidays etc

I wouldn’t be without my two, that’s perfect for me. For other people only having one child is perfect.

I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to this question.

Aprilshowersinjuly · 30/07/2018 14:13

Having lots when they were younger was easier.(many many dc here!)
Now some are adults and being a bystander on their relationship ups and downs is harder than childhood squabbles!
Juggling toddler tantrums, pre teen hormones + teen struggles +college goer who knows it all.
And adult dc both had major break ups.
I wish I liked .

Namechange128 · 30/07/2018 14:14

In my experience, looking after 2 and 3 small ones wasn't SO much harder than one, as you don't get to switch off even with one, plus they do have someone to play with.

However as they get older it would be much easier with one! With only one, when they are reading or playing an independent game you could do something else, with two or more someone always needs something. Also there are 2 or more sports days to plan for, two or more loads of washing, after school activities, homework sets etc etc etc etc etc...

Original poster

Bumpitybumper · 30/07/2018 14:18

For those of you with older DC do you find things like theme parks easier because there is another child for them to go on rides with etc? Also, when it came to granting your children more freedom and building their independence was this easier when it came to the youngest because they could be accompanied by their older sibling first as a trial before going it alone?

OP posts:

Occamsrazorblade · 30/07/2018 14:23

Bumpitybumper Sister has more than one and her lot never want the same rides! Also the older one doesn’t want the younger ones tagging along, they are not a childminder.

Older ones take friends to theme parks anyway so makes no difference.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/07/2018 14:25

I think the compromises and added expense generally outweigh the built in playmate aspect. It also seems to me, looking at my friends with only one child, that the parent-child relationship seems generally to be less fraught in the teen years.

Occamsrazorblade · 30/07/2018 14:26

namechange Multiple homework is a huge deal. We stepped in at Easter to help my sister’s children complete their projects. I doubt her and BIL would have got them done as well alone.

TwoBlueShoes · 30/07/2018 14:29

I have 4. The youngest is very clingy and follows me everywhere. She also lives to wind up her older siblings who will be playing nicely and she'll run in and wreck everything. Bedtimes are really hard work as no one wants to go to bed and the girls aren't allowed in the boys room and the boys aren't allowed in the girls room so I'm constantly back and forth. Homework also takes forever. Mornings are crazy as there is just so much stuff to get ready. Everyone does different after-school clubs so there is a lot of running around, dropping off and picking up. My eldest loves theme parks but none of the others do, but I can take him with a friend. Yes, sometimes the two youngest go to the park together but I still have to go and watch them in case they fight. It's really expensive having 4. They eat so much food and going on holiday is crazily expensive. I love them all to death though but when parents with just one kid give me advice, I do feel a bit irritated. They are all super-independent though, but I do feel outnumbered all the time as I'm a lone parent.

Original poster

Bumpitybumper · 30/07/2018 14:29

@Occamsrazorblade
Out of interest what is the age gap between your sister's children?

OP posts:

PrivateDoor · 30/07/2018 14:29

I wouldn't say it 'easier overall', of course more children is more work. It is more expensive, there's more chores to do (cooking/washing), more homeworks, it is more stressful making sure you get one to one time with each daily. It is non stop, you don't just sit and chill whilst the older ones do all the work! However it gets easier in that each child is easier to look after than the previous because you get more chilled and wiser and I do think they are better behaved and less needy because you cannot spoil them the way you can with the first or 2nd.

Overall though as I say it of course isn't less work than with one.

JacquesHammer · 30/07/2018 14:30

For those of you with older DC do you find things like theme parks easier because there is another child for them to go on rides with etc?

Definitely not. We went to a theme park with friends and it was dire - forever splitting into groups to try and appease all age groups. DD and I just go on everything together

Also, when it came to granting your children more freedom and building their independence was this easier when it came to the youngest because they could be accompanied by their older sibling first as a trial before going it alone?

Can't really comment on that. She would have been my oldest whether I'd developed infertility or not. She'll be getting the train to secondary in September.

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