To think it can be easier to be the parent of numerous children than one?

[Bumpitybumper]

I am still in baby/toddler stage with my two so I am genuinely asking out of interest as I don't have enough direct experience to form a proper opinion, but am I right in thinking that sometimes it can be easier to have more than one DC? My assumption is mainly based on the belief that they will be less dependent on adults to provide the companionship and entertainment they need as their siblings could be their playmate. Obviously where the DC don't get on this is a bit of a non starter but if the DC do get on well do you think it actually requires less effort to raise more than one child overall?

Mine are almost 3 and almost 1. My oldest was/is a bit of a handful and my youngest is a dream baby. I actually agree that now they’re starting to interact and play with each other a bit it’s getting easier for us. But that’s probably because the second is the easy one. A colicky baby and a toddler is a combination I shudder to think of.

1 child is easier, way easier in my experience

Went to the skatepark this afternoon. Simple trip for me with one DS. For the parents with multiple children it looked a nightmare. A girl came off her scooter, mum rushed over, toddler runs into the skateboarders, mum rushes back grabs toddler, goes back to daughter, remembers she’s left her bag unattended, tries to keep an eye on it whilst wrestling toddler whose screaming at being picked up... and so on.

Fair enough, the girls may play nicely together at home, but activities like this or swimming or the softplay are not easy when more than one needs supervision.

who’s not whose...

Luckily I’ve never had issues like that with my two legobedamned. Even at softplay etc mine play together nicely while I supervise with a coffee. I take them both out on their bikes/scooters etc with no drama.

On Sunday, DS1 got a tummy bug and was sick, then on Tuesday DD2 got it, then Wednesday DD1 got it. It’s been such a crap week for us. Everyone is climbing the walls because if one gets sick no one can go anywhere.

When they were little the DSes got chicken pox and I had to take 3 weeks off work as first one got it then later the other got it.

Flu season is also really hard.

My kids are like herding cats whenever we go out.

Of course it is - the older ones bring up the younger ones. How do you think the Duggars and the Radfords manage?

Errrm no, we bring up our own children thanks!

OP I have 4 DC but had them in 2 ‘batches’ so two older close together in age then a decade later the same thing. The two that play together the most are far apart in age so I don’t think you can make claims about any type of family as every one is so different.

I understand what other posters are saying, but especially with young ones I feel the pure physical work of having multiple children is being discounted! I have four and I can definitely say that fewer would be easier! Mine are 9,7,4 and 20 months. Yesterday I took them out for the day. I had to take three bags (beach bag, picnic, baby bag). We went on a little railway thing they love .... That entailed lifting all bags in, ferrying them in, lifting baby in, collapsing pushchair etc. Then same at the other end. We went to a model train exhibition then the penny pushers and supervision is a complete pain, they all want to look at different things, so you have to persuade them to stay together. I am constantly checking on them all, making sure they are safe and behaving. Then we went to a little amusement park and they had a couple of rides, again constant compromise and checking on them (at one point had two little ones on one ride and two big ones on another and was running between, waving frantically). Then we went to a fountain they can run in. That's four to help in to swimming clothes (eldest is dyspraxic and still needs a bit of help). Then watching by the side and again supervision is seriously hard work. Basically I am constantly on a cycle of checking baby, DS3, dd2, ds1, then back to the beginning. It's a nightmare when it's busy because every minute or so I can't immediately find one for a few seconds .... Then we went to the beach and they made sandcastles, except the little one wanted to just trundle around, so I followed him, all the while looking at the three at the top of the beach making sure they are ok. Then DD is desperate to swim, but I can't supervise that adequately, so I let her go in only to her waist. So now I'm trying to keep constant eye on her, while following the baby and occasionally just flicking my eyes up to the boys on the beach. Then have to get them all off the beach and talcum powder all of them. Then get back to car and put all bags back in and lift little ones in and do up seat belts. Get home feed four, bathe four, brush all their teeth, read three stories. Then they are in bed and there is a tonne of housework to do. And all the time I'm with them I'm breaking up mini squabbles (she drank more than me, why can't I have the prawn cocktail crisps, it's my turn in the front, why does she have two buckets etc etc ad infinitum) .......I realise one might get a bit bored, but I just don't think it can add up to the sheet physical work of having lots!

Well, judging by my friends who have more than one, I think it's much easier to just have one child. So many of the parents I know seem to be stressed, especially at this time of the year when some of them can't wait for the kids to go back to school. I guess it partly depends on personality (parents and children) but I certainly wouldn't want to have to deal with the refereeing, juggling different wants and needs etc.

OP, you say that your niece would have been better off with a sibling. It's a shame if her parents haven't taught her that the world doesn't revolve around her, but it's perfectly possible to bring up an only child who doesn't think like this - and having siblings isn't necessarily a protection against this either. Extra children aren't really there to compensate against inadequate parenting.

There are definitely pros and cons to different family set-ups, but there are so many variables over and above how many children you might have. For every anecdote that you might have about an only child who might benefit from a sibling, it's likely that others might have an anecdote about a child who would really be much better off without their sibling. I can certainly think of a few.

@French2019
My niece is not the subject of inadequate parenting and I'm not sure how you got that impression.

She is a child with a strong natural proposenity towards needing constant simulation and is a real extrovert who thrives on company. I have a child quite like this too and know that parenting them is tricky as they aren't particularly happy playing alone and really crave interaction, however without other kids to play with the options are to either give them adult attention or to ignore them and leave them bored and unhappy. Of course you could argue that it is healthy for them to be forced to do a bit of independent play but the fact is some children and some adults are naturally extroverted and will always be happiest with others around them. An adult meeting this need though can give the child a sense of entitlement IME though that having a sibling meeting the sake need wouldn't. Adult attention is usually at more of a premium and comes with less of the compromises attached to sibling attention (hence the need for refereeing that you refer to in your post).

This kind of person could potentially benefit from a sibling whereas I can also imagine that an introvert could really struggle in a big family with loads of brothers and sisters around and no space of their own.

My niece is not the subject of inadequate parenting and I'm not sure how you got that impression.

Sorry if I have misunderstood. You seemed to be implying that she would have benefited from having a sibling because she would have learned that the world didn't revolve entirely around her, and it therefore came across as if her parents had not found other ways of teaching her this. Obviously, most only children are perfectly able to grasp this concept without having siblings around. A few kids - only children and those with siblings - never quite get it, and perhaps your niece is sadly one of those children.

But please, let's not perpetuate the stereotype that only children are self-centred and demanding, as the evidence simply doesn't stack up.

I have 3 DCs 11,4 and 3. I'm not so sure to be honest. The 11y.o can be quite selfish cos she's had things to herself for a while. She does happily engage with her younger ones and can be very useful to have around. The 3 and 4 do everything together, entertain each other, which can be a bliss. On the flip side, more damage to stuff is done when together than not. I do a lot of refereeing and it's so bloody exhausting! Personally, I should have stuck to 2.