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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My fault?

113 replies

hfuiweo · 29/07/2018 16:17

This stroy is going to sound ridiculous but here goes...

We were supposed to be meeting DP's parents for coffee today at a garden centre. I said I was going to eat lunch before we went, but DP said no don't, we will get food there. I said the place doesn't have much choice, but he insisted they did and told me not to faff around cooking/making food.

We got there and the menu was quite limited, with only one veggie option for a meal (I'm a veggie). I said I would find something, I'd have a sandwich or chips. DP made a huge scene in front of his parents, saying he could tell I was annoyed at the limited food options, and knew I would moan about it when we got home. I said I wouldn't (the truth), and I'd find something there as there were cakes, sandwiches etc. He started getting even more angry, and said I was only saying this to be polite in front of his parents, and then said we should go to a pub nearby.

He got his way, and we all drove 3 miles to the pub but when we got there it was fully booked. It was pouring with rain, and his parents decided to go home. It was really embarrassing, and I kept telling them I didn't mind eating at the garden centre, I would have eaten something!

When me and DP were in the car he got very cross with me, and said I should have been honest at the garden centre and said I didn't like any of the food. I said I would have settled for something and that's behind honest, but he said I'm a picky eater and why am I so difficult. This is just a mind fcuk for me, as I said I wouldn't mind staying in the original place, it was him kicking up a fuss!

I'm now worried his parents think I'm a difficult mare, but I was trying not to be difficult :S I think I'm just asking for opinions on this, as I am just baffled

OP posts:
PaulRuddislush · 29/07/2018 16:21

Sounds like he was spoiling for a fight and/or didn't want lunch at a garden centre but wanted you to get the blame. I would kick his arse.

TopShagger · 29/07/2018 16:21

Is there more to this? Does it happen often? Going purely by what you've written (which is all anyone can go on as we weren't there and don't know you etc) it doesn't seem like you were being unreasonable, so you have my sympathy.

ZoeWashburne · 29/07/2018 16:24

Your DP sounds like a jerk. He is behaving like a toddler. Next time he gets worked up just say “there is only one person getting upset about the menu, and it’s not me. I’m fine with the cheese sandwich. Now can we leave it, please?” And just keep repeating.

Do you have a history of being a picky eater? It sounds insanely passive aggressive- and I definitely think you should speak to your DP about it- he was hostile and it might be worth finding out what was going on. Is he usually passive aggressive like this?

User1472333009 · 29/07/2018 16:25

It sounds like he has problems and was finding any excuse to start an argument. Is he always like this?

teaandtoast · 29/07/2018 16:26

Is he annoyed you're vegetarian?

Original poster
hfuiweo · 29/07/2018 16:27

I am not a picky eater, I'm veggie but I'll have most things that are veggie. This place had one veggie option on the meal menu, but there were also sandwiches, cakes and even soup. I told him I'd find something but he wouldn't have it.

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 29/07/2018 16:27

And if you were only going for coffee anyway, why did he suddenly want to eat lunch?

bluetrampolines · 29/07/2018 16:28

I bet he does stuff like that often. Watch out for him putting you down. It only gets worse. Sorry.

Original poster
hfuiweo · 29/07/2018 16:29

His parents wanted lunch, and I was going to have lunch before leaving but he said no, we'll get it out. It all seems so silly

OP posts:
MissEliza · 29/07/2018 16:29

The story does sounds ridiculous but as said before it sounds like he was spoiling for a fight. Did he speak to you like that in front of his dps? I'd have gone ballistic at that.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/07/2018 16:30

Well, from how you've written it, no, you weren't unreasonable at all.
So, need to work out why he reacted like that. Either he's a twat, or his version of events would be completely different.

Original poster
hfuiweo · 29/07/2018 16:31

Yes it was in front of his parents. His dad told him to stop making a scene, but he kept insisting I was being the difficult one, despite me saying I would settle for a sandwich or something.

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 29/07/2018 16:34

So either he was spoiling for a fight, or he didn’t want to eat at the garden centre and wanted to go to the pub.

I imagine his parents could tell he was looking for a fight and retreated so as not to embarrass you or themselves. They raised him, they must know what he is like. And if you said you were happy to eat at the garden centre, they must know it was not your fault.

Is he always like that? How long have you been together.

IceCreamFace · 29/07/2018 16:34

Assuming you don't have form for moaning for days on end about things like food it sounds like he was spoiling for a fight or he was embarrassed that he'd encouraged you not to eat before hand and wanted to make it your fault. I think if I were either of his parents I'd be more annoyed at him. I think it's obvious when people are being a martyr about things and if you were just politely getting on with things and he caused a giant scene it's obviously his issue not yours.

PaulRuddislush · 29/07/2018 16:34

How long have you been together and has he done this before? At least his parents were questioning his behaviour and not siding with him.

brizzledrizzle · 29/07/2018 16:35

Did you know that his parents were going to want to have lunch? If so, you could suggest a different place to go.

Your DP sounds like an idiot who was trying to make it look like you were messing up the plans. Is he often like this?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2018 16:38

Your "dear" partner deliberately and cruelly derided and humiliated you in front of his parents.

I would dump his arse so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. You deserve FAR better. Run for the hills!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 29/07/2018 16:38

Does he have an issue with you being a vegetarian, by any chance? Just wondering if he was trying to make a point about that?

21stCenturyMrsBennett · 29/07/2018 16:41

He sounds like a dickhead.

(are you sure though you weren't doing some passive aggressive sighing and eye rolling about the lack of vegitarian options? I know someone who always does this and then would claim to never making a fuss etc etc. Still wouldn't excuse his reaction though)

YouBetterWORK · 29/07/2018 16:41

Did he perhaps want to go to the pub not the garden centre, so was going to use your 'moaning' to blame you and get his way. Then when you were fine, he carried on insisting you weren't, to follow his script as you = bad guy = pub for him. Then had a strop when the pub was full.

RandomMess · 29/07/2018 16:41

Seriously he engineered the whole thing, why do you think he wanted to make you look difficult/bad to his parents?

Oysterbabe · 29/07/2018 16:42

Yanbu from what you've written.
But you said you'd settle for a sandwich, it depends how this was said. If you were actually playing the martyr and it was clear that you were unhappy about it then I can see why he suggested the pub.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/07/2018 16:44

Either your partner is a twat or you can be fussy at times. It doesn't make sense otherwise.

Aridane · 29/07/2018 16:45

Does he think you’re playing the martyr? Is there a back story? Otherwise he sounds unpleasant

MarthasGinYard · 29/07/2018 16:45

How embarrassing

He sounds like he knew you'd be picky and he's got one on him