DH withdrawing cash behind my back

[FuckingDH]

Reading my bank statement I've seen a few cash withdrawals the last couple of months that I didn't recognise but I thought it was me being forgetful
Yesterday when trying to pay at the shop, I couldn't find my card and DH suddenly took it out of his wallet and said He had found it earlier at the kitchen floor. My card was declined by the way although I was convenced I had funds

Not sure why this morning I woke up all suspicious, I checked my bank account again and I had a cash withdraw again same time as he went out before we go to the shop
I'm fucking pissed off 17 years together and now I started doubting other things as well. If he can lie about this God knows what else he's done
So:

1. Do I confront him which he ll probably deny or
2. Do I change the PIN and see what happens when the little fucker tries to take money

WWYD

Sadly, I still suspect gambling. It all sounds so familiar to some other cases I know of.

Does he usually cry? He might really need to talk to someone about this. If it is gambling and he's stealing from you, things are already desperate. I'm not defending him, but if he's not in a good place mentally, maybe he needs the kid gloves on whilst you get to the bottom of things. I'm not speaking from my own personal experience, but of one other I know of, it was very upsetting how deep they got, and the things they ended up considering doing to put an end to it.

have you asked to check his phone? I know he'd probably have deleted anything obviously incriminating, but as he's not the smoothest of criminals there may be something on it he hadn't considered you'd check.

But what has he said he spent the money on?

Change your PIN and perhaps open an ISA so only keep a small amount in your current account if possible. Personally I would speak to my other half once PIN is changed which I think you can do on cash point yourself. I would raise the issue and say you've noticed money being withdrawn from your account and see if he says anything. If he doesn't advise you're meeting with the bank about the unauthorised actions saying you think your card has been copied or something and it's fraud see if he says anything.

I'd also look at joint statements and accounts to check all is in order and whether there could be financial issues or something else going on.

This is a serious crime and police could be notified as it's theft if things get worse. Speaking with your bank and may be changing the card could be good as a note on their records of the issue incase anything worse happens

Did you check your previous statements for anything missing as whatever has happened could have been in the last couple of weeks and probably wouldn’t show yet on the credit report. It could be a very recent thing that has happened if nothing amiss before

have you seen his bank statements?

I’d like to know whether he’s taking your money because he has none/overdrawn, or just for spite, to punish you for something.

Does his explanation for where the money he took yesterday sound plausible? How would he have spent it if he was with you?

Icc7 what is so hard to understand about the facts? The facts are that the OP's husband has stolen from her. The facts are that the OP's husband is telling her that she said he could take her money and that she has forgotten that she said it. The facts are that the OP's husband is a liar.

Those are the facts. Why do you feel sorry for a thief?

You are not a crazy woman. He has lied repeatedly, stolen your card repeatedly, pretended you lost the card he took and has not given you a plausible explanation of why he has behaved so badly. Of course you are negative in this scenario. Tbh, I think you are being too patient with him.

I almost guarantee gambling. Are you able to look at his bank statements? If he’s ciphering money from you, the chances are that his account is no longer sound.

@lcc7 crazy? Crazy for not wanting her husband to lie,steal and gaslight her?

We're probably all crazy then.

Sorry, does his explanation for how he spent the money (lunches, travel) sound plausible?

I don't get why you would still leave him to cover most of the bills and not share your salary after being happy for him to work to cover all the costs for years whilst you didn't work. It doesn't sound like a partnership and I would be very resentful if I were him.

Good God, Boxsets, is there ANY situation where you don't start whinging and whining about SAHMs and part time working mothers? You are absolutely obsessed, to the point where you're banging on about this even when the man has stolen from the woman and lied about it. Get over yourself and your complex. You're worse than tiresome, you're an absolute fanatic.

“You're worse than tiresome, you're an absolute fanatic...”

Or jealous..

I don't get why you would still leave him to cover most of the bills and not share your salary after being happy for him to work to cover all the costs for years whilst you didn't work. It doesn't sound like a partnership and I would be very resentful if I were him.

Maybe read the part where op has always been working and contributing but has recently got a better paid job and is contributing more now while her oh earns 4x as much as she does yet he is stealing from her bank account and lying about it?

Why the fuck does he need to steal from her then try blaming her for telling him to do it? Obviously if you had actally read the thread you would see that they both have personal accounts and both contribute jointly to fsmily expenses.

Wtf is it with people on this thread making it up as they go along?

'Toxic' relationship if you have personal bank accounts!
'Controlling' cos you dont want your oh stealing and lying about it? Some people set the bar freaking low!

Of course you're not crazy OP, please ignore the prurient and over- curious posters on this thread. You are, understandably, bloody furious. Try to get a good nights sleep and see how you feel about progressing with securing your finances tomorrow. Best wishes, I hope things arent as dark as they look.

Could it be prostitutes? That might explain the cash. OP do you have anyone in RL who you can talk to?

So sorry this is happening to you @FuckingDH .
I echo what pp said about blackmail. Those two nights he worked late might have involved another woman? And now he's being blackmailed by her or someone who knows?
Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

I'm sorry I don't speak English very well. I just wanted to say that the situation seems to be very unclear. Who knows what is going on... I had a similar situation. He struggled, he felt in a corner. We are now now in a much better place because were able the to talk openly. What he felt was a problem was a non problem for me.

Im confused

What are the 'silly things' he's bought. Why has he used your money on a travel card and lunch - where to? Have you checked? If he usually used his own money to buy these why would he need yours?

lcc7 you certainly know what crazy means don't you
Your post is dimining, your message "either take the shit from your OH or shut up"
Wrong any language you use

Oldaintallthat I'm confused too
Travel card is for tube for work. His message is conflicting though so will wait till tomorrow.
Silly things meant personal stuff for himself

Why do 'some' men seem to expect their every day to be a carnival? Few of them go to work down mines or clean shit off walls, they do assorted tasks that aren't particularly 'fun' but it's hardly 24/7 at the mill. They get to get themselves up & out of the house with no other responsibility to any other resident, go to work with headphones in or the radio on, do the mundane but usually doable task (sometimes in the company of irritating people), pop out for a coffee & a sandwich, chat to colleagues, come home and expect to be fed and receive an award for their travails with no further domestic responsibility whatsoever.

Yet they 'hate it' (ie don't particularly enjoy it) so it's fine to punish their partner for that because she's just sitting on the sofa eating bonbons and sponging off him all day isn't she?

I'm projecting madly here, but that 'poor me, I have to work and your part-time job + entire domestic & family responsibility count for nothing' attitude boils my piss. Most women don't enjoy their job either but they get on with it, often for way less pay than a man, and do every fucking thing else too yet all they get is resentment because they bring in less money.

Gambling/ prostitutes or drugs. Usual stuff for MLC. Given his entitled comments about it all I'd go with him delighting in spending your money on something you don't like.