DH withdrawing cash behind my back

[FuckingDH]

Reading my bank statement I've seen a few cash withdrawals the last couple of months that I didn't recognise but I thought it was me being forgetful
Yesterday when trying to pay at the shop, I couldn't find my card and DH suddenly took it out of his wallet and said He had found it earlier at the kitchen floor. My card was declined by the way although I was convenced I had funds

Not sure why this morning I woke up all suspicious, I checked my bank account again and I had a cash withdraw again same time as he went out before we go to the shop
I'm fucking pissed off 17 years together and now I started doubting other things as well. If he can lie about this God knows what else he's done
So:

1. Do I confront him which he ll probably deny or
2. Do I change the PIN and see what happens when the little fucker tries to take money

WWYD

OP, a completely out there suggestion but one that may fit. Could he have been filmed doing something stupid over the web and is now being blackmailed? The excuses for why he’s taking the money are clearly made up. But the crying made me wonder if he was experiencing some shame. So sort of an OW but the regular withdrawals are to prevent any evidence being released. Either way, I hope you get to the bottom of it.

This is so bizarre.

We are married. There is no "his money and my money" and therefore no "stealing"

If my husband took money out of "my account" and told a white lie to cover it up, I wouldn't jump to conclusion that he's cheating...

If anything it sounds like you're controlling and he was too scared to tell you he used the money. "Wuss, sobbing" etc

You need to calm down and find out what he's spent all this money on as you shouldn't have secrets from each other.

Also i assume you've been spending "his money" prior to the last 2 months!!?!?!

Nestlyn that's shit I empathise !

Train101 why are you telling me I don't support my family? If you think I was a SAHM you think that's not supporting? Feeding, cuddling and going through shit all day with kids isn't supporting?
I've been working btw and was paying my share!

We had another argument and he had another sob! Went through his bank accounts they look kind of ok, he made too many purchases lately for silly things and got out of hand . Still no clue what happened to my money, he said it was for travel card and lunch but he had taken already 500 quid from his account for similar stuff. I won't get anywhere today. I told him how I feel, I said some hurtful things and hence the sob.... he claimed depression etc. He's just not happy simple as, he's missing a life that he's not supposed to have, he wants to be stress free, job free and possibly wife free.

I thought he was an angel through the years, and apart from last couple of months where these incidents happened he's been more than ok. The lesson is don't trust anyone other than yourself! And most important don't love anyone other than your kids!!

@PurpleRobe really? You would be perfectly ok with your husband taking your card without your knowledge,using all the money left on it and lying about where he "found " it and gaslighting you that you actually asked him to take that money out?
White lie my ass.

Also i assume you've been spending "his money" prior to the last 2 months!!?!?!
What the fuck is that about?

Purple

You need to calm down
And you need to fuck off

Blimey. All that bloody sobbing. I'd be really fucking irritated at that response. Seems like a very good diversion - how can you have a go at him whilst he's crying?

If it was agreed with you that he do this why would he have to go through with the "I found your card on the floor" charade?

I don't think I could forgive this either OP.

I would feel that he's taken it out of spite/resentment over being the main earner previously and he feels you 'owe' it to him. That's a horrid attitude to have an a childish way to get one over on you to appease his resentment. All very unattractive behaviour IMO

how can you have a go at him whilst he's crying?
I'm enjoying it mate

Have you ruled out gambling FuckingDH ?

You were the one who was hurt and he's the one sobbing because you are cross. What a cock.

No I haven't I just thought I'd see more on what he owes on the credit check if he was gambling

PurpleRobe White lie? He took cash out just before they were going shopping, without having told the OP he'd taken her card. He then magically produces it from his wallet and hands it over knowing the transaction will be declined. Then tries to tell the OP he had told her he was taking the money, despite the whole I found your card on the kitchen floor nonsense. That is way more than a white lie. It is a plethora of shitty lies and the OP deserves much better.

Hes met someone else...

If this is a white lie I would love to see the definition of a real one...

If my husband took money out of "my account" and told a white lie to cover it up, I wouldn't jump to conclusion that he's cheating

So what would you think? Because if my husband emptied my account then stood and watched it get declined at the till without a word, THEN tried to make out I knew all about it he'd be asked to sleep somewhere else for a few days until I got a hold of myself.

Has he been mentioning someone new at work? You said you thought it was odd for him to work nights on two occasions.

told a white lie to cover it up

He hasn't though, He's repeatedly told lies. Plus omitted to tell the truth. Plus now trying to gaslight and guilt trip her

I strongly suspect that if he'd said "Darling can I pinchyour bank card to take £200 out for xyz?" she would have had no problem with that

Has he been mentioning someone new at work?
He does mention employees here and there but I didn't really pay attention. Reason I got suspicious is cause last couple of months he did two or say couple of stupid things and I just put everything together especially when he worked last on two occasions
The thing is that he doesn't admit anything
Unless I catch him he won't admit jt

Op I can’t believe he hasn’t apologised or tried to explain himself! How dare he act like he is owed it from when you earned less!! I would be furious.
If he felt that way he should have spoke to you about it and asked if he could have a bit more money now that you have a better job!

Sorry last post many typos
He's sitting on the sofa in the same room like nothing happened and I'm distracted...

Sorry meant to add at the last argument he did apologise a lot. He accepted everything but started blaming on depression and shitty stressful life. He came back many times telling me he ll pay me double!
I won't allow that cause I know he ll feel redemption ...

could it have been to fund a couple of nights out to a lap dancing club with his brother?

If he bought travel card yesterday with the money, ask to see the receipt. Will show how much & date bought

You'll then know if he bought it before like he says or yesterday