DH withdrawing cash behind my back

[FuckingDH]

Reading my bank statement I've seen a few cash withdrawals the last couple of months that I didn't recognise but I thought it was me being forgetful
Yesterday when trying to pay at the shop, I couldn't find my card and DH suddenly took it out of his wallet and said He had found it earlier at the kitchen floor. My card was declined by the way although I was convenced I had funds

Not sure why this morning I woke up all suspicious, I checked my bank account again and I had a cash withdraw again same time as he went out before we go to the shop
I'm fucking pissed off 17 years together and now I started doubting other things as well. If he can lie about this God knows what else he's done
So:

1. Do I confront him which he ll probably deny or
2. Do I change the PIN and see what happens when the little fucker tries to take money

WWYD

I completely agree with you about lack of trust killing a relationship op, you're being amazing! So so weird that he isn't even attempting to try to explain it properly. Have you looked back to see if it's been going on longer than the 2 months, or how much he's taken in total?

Does he have a history of passive-aggressive, head-in-the-sand behaviour? If so, from personal experience I'd suggest debt problems. (Including the gaslighting to try to cover his tracks.) But you say you've checked his credit record and nothing untoward.

You suspect he may have done it from spite? If that's the case, then I'd say the marriage is over, surely. How could you come back from that?

So the money he stole yesterday has gone, is completely spent. That was £200, am I right? What could he possibly have spent that amount of money on in such a short time?

My heart goes out to you OP, you must be all over the place. Do you have anyone to talk to in real life?

He could have said that he wasn't able to repay the money until payday as a delaying tactic. Since there was nothing unusual in his credit report it seems less likely that there is a gambling problem or huge hidden debt.

It seems more likely to me that this is about control and him not liking his wife's increased independence .

If he spent it on frivolous crap, wouldn’t you see that in his belongings? Or do you think he might be squirrelling the money away as “you repaying him”? I’m trying to think in what twisted logic he might think that it’s ok to behave like this.

You’re being so strong OP. Massive hugs to you

Yes, I agree. Asking him what he spent the £200 on yesterday should be revealing (if he doesn't come up with more shite)

Has he been going to work? Can you see his statements to see if a salary has been paid in? Does he have money in his account?

I'm so sorry OP, nobody should ever be in a position where they don't trust their own partner. X

Honestly dont think its an OW. Why would he need to steal from you if it were that? That doesnt sit right. ?gambling wouldnt he just run up credit card bills? Debts sound like a more likely scenario but if so what would he be in debt for? Are you financially comfortable OP?

Are the withdrawals regular in nature?

Could it be drugs?

There are a lot of - activities - you can quickly and easily spend £200 on and they don't all involve gambling or drinking.

It sounds like he's just a mean bugger who feels some kind of resentment that you have spare cash when he doesn't, and thinks you owe him for previous years of earning less. My husband does things like standing behind me at the till or changing the subject if I mention expensive purchases I've had to make. I hate it, it is so unattractive and it can't continue.

I agree saying he'd pay it back on payday doesn't necessarily mean his bank account is at its limit. I think the fact he withdrew money just before they went shopping does make it seem like it's driven by spite, especially with the whole "missing" bank card farce at the till. I think most gamblers would be desperate to avoid that scenario.

Why does he have to stay in the job?
Could he feel resentment that he has been working in something he hates and supporting the family when you haven't?
Not an excuse though.

Also calling him a wuss isn't very nice just because he is crying.

Calling him a wuss is nicer than him trying to convince the OP she asked him to withdraw money and she's just forgotten because she has some kind of memory issue.

If he's feeling you 'owe' him for the time you weren't working it wouldn't surprise me if he was withdrawing 'his due' from your account and depositing it in his!

IRTFT
It sounds like he's not coping with his life. He seems resentful. I was a SAHM for many years. My dh worked his arse off supporting us all. I didn't need really have a choice because his work had him travelling at the drop of a hat and my earning capacity would barely cover child care.
My dh had boughts of being resentful. That he had the harder job and I wasn't doing enough. (I did everything including diy.) He'd be resentful when I had to buy stuff for the kids and be quite petty about things. Moaning about me not doing enough etc. It lasted for a while. Lots of arguments but ultimately it was sorted out by talking about how we felt and what was bothering us. (He was feeling left out.) You said your dh is not very mature. Maybe he's not able to sort his emotions and feelings and to have a mature conversation.....instead he's resorted to pettiness and stealing and lying.
Hope it all gets resolved soon for you

I don't get why you would still leave him to cover most of the bills and not share your salary after being happy for him to work to cover all the costs for years whilst you didn't work. It doesn't sound like a partnership and I would be very resentful if I were him.

That doesn't excuse his lying and he should have told you he wasn't happy or left if he felt taken advantage of.

@BoxsetAndPopcorn did you miss the bit where OP said the amount she put into bills increased proportionately to the amount her salary raised?

Have you asked him outright what he needed the money for and what he spent it on OP? It's so odd

As is the sobbing to be honest

She DID work raising children and keeping the home. If a WOMAN can't understand that boxsets then God help us all.

The OP also said she had changed jobs which would imply she hasn't been a SAHM but has recently got a better paid job. Not that having been a SAHM is reason to punish the OP on return to work anyway.

I do hope you sort it all out. Suspicion is vile. It eats and eats at you. I have been slowly eaten away at by it for years now :(

A very similar thing happened to a relative of mine. Turns out hubby was a gambling addict

Whats your DH family background like? Do you think that the DB has a drink problem? Just wondering if there is something that might trigger addiction - alcohol for DB, poss something else for your DH?

“...and supporting the family when you haven't?”

Please tell me this is a joke.