Next door neighbour having a baby

[eggsinonebasket]

I probably am being U. I think I just need to vent. I’m in a semi detached house and the party wall is so bloody thin can hear everything. My next door neighbour is a woman with one DC and she’s just told me in passing that she’s pregnant. I’m already dreading the noise this will entail at night and feel quite stressed about being woken up by a baby then having to get up and go to work, I have a teenager who will be needing sleep for exams soon. She is a noisy enough neighbour already and I feel shit that it’s going to get 100000x worse when this baby is born. I’ve just started a new relationship with someone who is in a highly professional job, I was hoping he’d be able to start staying over at mine but with a screaming child next door who would want to? I’m privately renting and could move but there aren’t many affordable houses to rent in this area and I need to be close for my child’s school. I’m just dreading this already, I’ve lived beneath a newborn before in a flat and it was horrific. I know I’m being ridiculously U

So it’s ok for you to go through childbirth and have a bratty teenager but it’s not ok for your neighbour to that because the noise might disturb you??

Buy earplugs. Live and let live.

YANBU. I grew up in a semi in the 60's/70's but houses were well built in those days so neighbour noise wasn't an issue. First home with DH was a Victorian terrace, again well built with thick walls and minimal noise pollution. Current home detached. Sounds like modern builds are egg boxes and plaster boards. It would drive me mental too to be honest. Can you move to an older property that has actual bricks for walls?

Blimey, your neighbour is an inconsiderate arse having a baby - especially since your partner had a highly professional job.

I'm gobsmacked they didn't consult you first.

Best ring 101 - just to log it

Or buy earplugs, whatever.

U sound like an awful neighbour! U had a baby once! It neighbours had to listen to your baby! As for your boyfriend being highly professional? The relevance I don't understand??! What would the difference be of he was uneducated, non working citizen?! God love your poor neighbour, she won't be getting any new baby cards or friendly chats off u I hope!

Yanbu to worry. My last place had screaming toddlers next door, thankfully my bedroom was on the side that wasn't shared but the noise in general could be rough.

My old NDN said when I was pregnant, after I'd said we were looking for somewhere bigger but couldn't guarantee it would be before the baby is born: "If you could try please, as I have to be up for work each morning"

FWIW the couple who used to live next to me here, they had a newborn and I never heard a single cry in the 8 months until they moved out. Nothing.

I know how stressful noise disturbance can be, but I think in this situation you have the choice of ear plugs or moving, if you think you won't be able to stand it. Sorry

Well, aren't you a delight. Your poor neighbour.

My men had a baby a few years ago. I never heard baby in the night. I imagine your tantruming teen will make a lot of noise too

YABVU. Your child was a baby once.

Ok so you sound like you've had bad experiences with noise - which has made you even more sensitive to it.

You'll probably find that your new partner won't be bothered by the noise. Ask him. He may be more tolerant / less sensitive to noise than you are.

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Apart from

1. Self help / Pay for CBT. Change the way you think. Your neighbours are noisy but they don't (hopefully) make you feel unsafe. Many many people fear their neighbours anti social behaviour. Every time you hear a sound think "yes that was noisy BUT at least they aren't fighting / being aggressive / drunk / drugged up etc etc etc"
2. Move house and spend more on your monthly rent. IF the noise will affect your childs exam revision then the increase in rent could be an "investment" for your child's future.

The chances are she'll want MORE peace in her own house for naptimes and bedtimes. You never know.

Try and think positive. It could be much much much worse.

We have ‘white lied’ to our NDNs for six months about not being able to hear their new born crying at night. I really like them, it doesn’t bother us and we are the LAST thing they need to worry about - the fact they even mention it says a lot about them. Now I’m pregnant they are holding off on some building work until we are out of the early stages. Love those guys. The other side however...different story!!

I suspect your biggest problem is winding yourself up over something that hasn’t even happened yet.
Do yourself a favour and chill. Otherwise you will stress your daughter out over her exams far more than a baby next door will.

I love my neighbors. My dd cried non stop for 1 year at nights. She’s still a bad sleeper at age 3. They didn’t mention it once to me. But I know it was disturbing them and they all had jobs to get to ( not highly professional but a job non the less)
But there was literally nothing I could do.
She was a colicky, refluxy crying a lot baby.

I live in a flat and the people downstairs have just had a baby. It's not ideal but he's actually pretty good and only cries a bit in the night.

Not a lot I can do about it so just crack on!

Main issue has really been recently where we all have our windows open. Hey ho. It's a baby.

If you think you’re getting no sleep think of the poor mother, how ever tired you are I can guarantee she’ll be worse! Maybe offer to babysit and give her a break, you’re highly professional boyfriend might be the baby whisperer you never know.

your *

@gertrudethestag - I actually had a moment earlier where I thought what if she moves out before it’s born into somewhere bigger, it’d be roulette as to what kind of person moved in after her....

eggs exactly. We had horrendous neighbours. They were so bad we couldnt stand in the garden or on the driveway without feeling threatened(theyve moved away now). On the other side we have noisy kids, barking dog, slamming doors etc but they are lovely lovely people. Such good friends. I know which I'd prefer...

I am highly sensitive to noise and it took a while to retrain my thoughts with online CBT but I have made a huge improvement. So worth it too!

We had horrible NDN’s when my DC were babies. They would hammer or drill on the walls in response to their crying which only made it worse. I was so happy to move out.

If you don’t like it, move or soundproof your house.

I think you are insanely unreasonable & I hope she has triplets now

Op knows she is BU and my thoughts were after first post.
But the more I've read the posts... I kinda get the concerns.
However..... can't change this...need to move or deal with it.
for stealth boyfriend post thou!

Best get with someone less professional OP.

I totally worded the professional boyfriend bit wrong - i definitely wasn’t trying to stealth boast I don’t want to be specific about what he does but it’s a job that requires a lot of focus and long gruelling hours (average wage) and ideally a good solid 8 hours sleep. I know everyone needs sleep, I work full time too but it’s not as demanding as his job. My initial concern was “what if he sleeps at his every night instead of at mine because of the noise” but I guess I’ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

I do a 'highly professional job', OP... and I do it gasp LIVING WITH A BABY FULL TIME IN MY VERY OWN HOME... sleeping in my very own bed!

I'm sure your highly professional boyfriend will be fine sharing a wall with a baby a couple of nights a week

Although I'm not sure how he'll feel about sharing a bed with such a raging misanthrope