Affairs at work

[HeyThatsNotMyName]

How common are affairs in the workplace?

Now in my early 30s and before the last fortnight, I thought workplace affairs was something that happened very rarely or just in the media (tv, films etc.) Now, after learning not one but four colleagues have been having affairs at work, I'm not so sure.

Was I being naive this whole time?

Affairs in accountancy firms are rife! Expected to socialise with work colleagues, career climbing and being away on audits are the stuff to fund a marriage counsellors mortgage

The thing that worries me most about this is that I work in a professional job where I travel a bit (might be away a couple of nights per month), occasionally with colleagues, occasionally for work get-togethers where alcohol is involved (although I don't drink) etc.

I manage not to sleep with other people because I love and value my DH, yet the assumption, based on my job and being away sometimes, is that I must be cheating! 1 in 3, fucking hell.

I have been aware of it going on once or twice but they were total clichés. Powerful boss, junior colleague wanting to progress, yawn.

I don't really know how they do it, do they not feel any guilt? Maybe they just don't like their spouses very much.

I don’t think it’s everyone in these professions / industries radio. It’s not like an instant excuse for infidelity. Oh you’re a teacher / accountant / engineer / work in hospitality? Well that’s fine then! Shag away !

Fwiw, both dh’s and my industries have both been named on here and neither of us has strayed yet, (that I know of)!

And let’s face it, most industries have been named at some point on here.

Can I add emergency services? Maybe not now as they’re too busy! But years ago I heard affairs (between singles and extra maritally) were rife. Something to do with the closeness from working with someone in high stress, sometimes life or death situations.

I love and value my DH, yet the assumption, based on my job and being away sometimes, is that I must be cheating!
Except nobody is making that assumption...

Loads of us have said affairs in schools are common, but I'm not going to think 'oh affairs in school are common so people must think I'm cheating with my colleague when we do residentials together'.

I have been aware of it going on once or twice but they were total clichés. Powerful boss, junior colleague wanting to progress, yawn.

Cliches are cliches because they're true and they happen a lot. It might not be very surprising or shocking, but it's extremely common - that's why it's a cliche.

I met my DP, a fellow teacher, at work 16 years ago- we were both single. And we kept it quiet for a few months even took sickies together blush--before it all came out.

TBH the mutual sickies are more shocking than a relationship between 2 single adults. Were weekends, evenings and school holidays not enough?

It was rife at a place I used to work. Lots of different offices across the same city. Every works night out something new would start and continue for weeks and then fizzle out. Then there would be another staff social and ...

Can I add emergency services? Maybe not now as they’re too busy! But years ago I heard affairs (between singles and extra maritally) were rife. Something to do with the closeness from working with someone in high stress, sometimes life or death situations.

I’ve just remembered that my mum and dad (doctor and nurse) met in an ambulance! They were both training as young HCPs. They were together a very long time.

I don't think there are any affairs going on within my team even though its a big team. There might be singles hooking up but not affairs.

I know there is a married woman that clearly has a crush on another married man, but as far as I'm aware there is nothing going on. She just has a crush.

We knew our English teacher and a college tutor was having an affair.

In fact, a guy in our class kept taking the piss out of the English teacher because of it.

I think they are married now.

I felt sorry for his wife and kids though. I hinted that I knew but never outright slammed him for it.

I think so what you like but do not be surprised when people take you up on your behaviour.

It's rife. It's so rife. I probably know more people who have had affairs than are happily married, and my DH possibly comes onto that list! (No pun intended)

Oh yes noughties, we had something a bit like that.

A biology teacher, (not actually one of my teachers, but I heard all about it), at my school had an affair with the Duke of Edinburgh award mountaineering guide and left her husband for him. It was horrible and I ended up actually feeling a little sorry for her, as her 16yo dd, (understandably), stopped speaking to her. Then, when gcse results came out a few weeks later, everyone in the teacher’s class was deliberately upsetting her by asking how her dd did in her exams, knowing that she didn’t know. She got really upset and stormed out of the class, only it was one of those prefab hut things and there were no steps by the exit she’d stormed out of and she fell down a good few feet. Was just a really horrible thing. Affairs are so bloody messy for everyone when they all come out.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune
Students pick up on a lot (and also stir and speculate way too much at times)

I've overheard students discussing staff who most staff knew were sleeping together. The students were gossiping their predictions.

Most of the posts on this thread are just based on speculation and gossip. I hear it at my work too - Man X and Woman Y are getting it on. What's the basis? It's always "I heard..", which in my view makes it probably bollocks, not worth paying any attention to, and certainly not appropriate to repeat.

Yes, I'm sure some affairs go on work, but what's really telling is the number of people on this thread who say they've had workplace affairs - a grand total of two by my count.

If there was as much workplace cheating going on as many here claim, why aren't you fronting up to your own indiscretions?

I wouldn’t say it’s rife at my office. Lots of young single people hook up with each other at various staff parties. I only know of one affair - a manager was seeing someone in the office whilst engaged. It’s an open secret in the office - everyone knows. There’s about 250 people in the office though so hardly common.

At my boarding school if you woke up early enough you could sometimes see male teachers climbing out the window of our house tutors bedroom

Clutching every pearl I own here.
Such hanky-panky is unknown in my line (science... oh the innocence).

Yes, very common.

When I was at school there were a couple of very obvious teacher affairs one being the RE teacher who eventually left his wife

I’ve done it myself.

At my last place of work there were so many affairs it was ridiculous. And constant gossip about potential affairs.

No affairs at my current workplace. However there isn’t a single bloke

Most of the posts on this thread are just based on speculation and gossip

That's not my reading of it and I for one have only mentioned relationships I've seen clear evidence of. I agree there can be a lot of gossip but I don't listen to that because I've heard 'gossip' about people I know well and know aren't having a relationship. If a man leaves his wife and is snogging his postdoc at the next Christmas party that's pretty obvious though isn't it (especially if you've walked in on them having a snog in the freezer room 12 months previous when he was still with his wife).

If there was as much workplace cheating going on as many here claim, why aren't you fronting up to your own indiscretions?

Do you know how MN reacts to affairs?

It’s a chat thread. Posters are neither arguing a point to an academic committee nor making confessions under oath.

Our office is like the fucking set of hollyoaks.
So much drama / affairs etc it does my head in.
Come to work, do your work, keep your kickers on, go home. Simples

If there was as much workplace cheating going on as many here claim, why aren't you fronting up to your own indiscretions?
Maybe we haven't got any and it's hardly our fault if our colleagues are openly flirting and happen to be seen leaving staff dos together etc.
At a friend's school someone sent a suggestive reply and hit reply all. Unsurprisingly people started talking.

Statiscally there's loads of affairs, we see MN posts from people upset when an affair comes out but rarely a thread saying 'i am having an affair' (presuming that's because the thread will go one way)

People pick up on body language most often given away by trying too hard to keep things quiet

I’ve had an affair at work both of us involved another time neither of us both times we wanted to keep it to ourselves both times caught out

It’s always gone on always will the might of religion and God damnation, losing family, job and reputation and guilt hurting others has never stopped some (many) people when they feel attracted to each other acting on it all

Like others have said we are probably not designed to be monogamous just some choose to be I am not sure they are the majority

Age, maturity and lack of opportunity of course plays a part

Absolutely rife in the places I've worked, police & prison service

Never worked for a company where this wasn't the case. Also everyone knew about them.