Affairs at work

[HeyThatsNotMyName]

How common are affairs in the workplace?

Now in my early 30s and before the last fortnight, I thought workplace affairs was something that happened very rarely or just in the media (tv, films etc.) Now, after learning not one but four colleagues have been having affairs at work, I'm not so sure.

Was I being naive this whole time?

Off the top of my head I can think of 12 couple who met at work. All pre-date me, so I don’t know if any started as extra-martial affairs. Additionally, fairly junior girl and area manager had an affair a couple of years ago, both left their marriage/LTR. Still together, and she has been massively promoted.

Ok I am confused.

What do people mean by "affair"?

To me there are potentially two meanings-
a "love" affair- which can happen between two single people.

Or an "extra marital " affair?

Two different things.

I have had several "affairs" at work, but all of us involved have been single.

20 years and I've never noticed any affairs. Couple of relationships but no cheating.

I've probably been the perfect stooge

We never paid attention and didn't think it was a thing until one school Christmas service. A married mum from school entered alone and then a married man with wife and family entered and the longing the first woman had for him was so clear no one missed it. It started a discussion later that week about it which progressed to who else among parents and staff were having affairs which led to the "back rubbing" group (if they said hello and rubbed your back they were inviting you to one of their swap parties! If you knew/responded it went further if you reacted as though they were a little too intimate for a passing acquaintance then they backed off). The swap parties apparently 1/year turned into a simultaneous group sex/swap/orgy. We were shocked but so many people seemed to think it was common knowledge. Afterwards did hear about the parties and did see ALOT of very friendly groups at school outings!

Man at work (10 yrs my junior) spent a good 3-4 months recently what I can only describe as actively pursuing me. It was noticed by another couple of colleagues to who oddly became 'awkward' around me, with one saying I must have done/said something to lead him on! Anyway, as I have a Dp and zero plans to fuck that up, I confronted my admirer and basically said obviously we are just friends, but a couple of people have it in their heads you like me in a way that isn't platonic and that I am sure that isn't the case due to my position, and the fact I am older. He stunned me by saying he doesn't care about age and he is attracted to me anyway because apparently we 'click'!!!! I kept it cool with him, and bombarded my social media accounts with pictures of Dp and our Dc's. I can confirm he has eased of. Recently we went for dinner and drinks after work (about 8 of us) and he was perfectly fine around me, so at least it hasn't ruined a working relationship. I can see how work affairs very easily can happen though! Poor bloke barked up the wrong tree with me though.

Nowhere is immune. I know an ex-nun who was thrown out of her convent for shagging another nun

Went into my usual coffee shop this morning, started considering which staff members would be at it I have now pinned the assistant manager with one of the uni students

I work in a large school, but no-one is having an affair! There are several married couples there (all of whom married before working here), and a couple of singletons got together (which is lovely) but that's it.

Previously worked for a large local authority for years, and don't know of any liaisons there either. (Though sheer size means I only knew a tiny fraction of the employees, obviously)

I'm either too formidable or completely undesirable as no-one has ever come onto me at work either.

Academia comes up a lot. Would I be safe to say I think it depends on the department? I have honestly never heard of affairs within my physics department.

I work in a large school, but no-one is having an affair!

How on earth do you know that?

Trust me- schools are gossip mills, you can't keeo anything private!

I think it depends on the environment and demographic. I’ve worked in places where it’s rife and was happening at all levels. If there is a very active social scene I think it’s worse because there’s always lots of alcohol involved.

I’m trying to think of the people off the top of my head who I know have had affairs. I think most, possibly all, of them met at work. I think it’s fairly common. I knew for certain about one affair in my last workplace and I suspected a few more. One woman I worked closely with had a few flings with men in the office. She seemed to just be enjoying herself and she was single, so fair play to that, but not all of the men were single, so that occasionally got awkward. She had designs on a very senior member of staff at one point, who, unfortunately for her, was happily married! She got told where to go I think, which was a bit awkward, as he was very much her senior in the company. Cringe cringe cringe.

I don’t know about affairs within Physics departments but I do know of cross-departmental affairs involving Physicists...

I know of an affair between headmaster and school nurse (my acquaintance was the nurse). Such a cliche! It’s like a not-terribly-good Mills and Boon. They were both married, (she, very unhappily), at the time . I don’t know if the headmaster’s wife ever found out.

I work in a university and the PhD supervisor/student thing is rife. I know of at least 4 in my area who ended up married/together.

I used to work in hospitality and EVERYONE was at it. I met my ex-DP, and we were both single at the time, but there was a lot of extra-maritals going on.

There was a bit of a local scandal when the headmaster and asst headmistress at my school got caught shagging in a lay-by. Also, I know that one of the girls in my team (gay) had a one-night stand with one of the senior managers (straight woman) a few years ago. No-one mentions it.....

My ex husband had at least two affairs with fellow teachers (at the same school) and that is just two that I know of. He's had plenty of others as well. One teacher was engaged (they split up) and the other was married with a young baby. She has separated from her husband. Both ex husband and the married "friend" supposedly Christians .

I can think of a few instances at work, or where someone has left their husband or wife for someone at work. Probably more commonplace than is ever acknowledged.

I met DP in work. All above board

I'm the only female in something resembling an all male Jurassic Park though. I'm average looking - 28 - the majority of the men reacted like they'd never seen a woman before when I started

So no affairs in my workplace but if there were opportunities for my colleagues then I reckon the place would literally be "banging"

3 of the women in my friendship group are married. 2 of them are having affairs. One works in marketing the other in a school..

Pixel

An old school friend of mine married a CofE priest who had a very sordid affair with his trainee. It was in the papers in great detail etc. Very sad.

In my home town the male minister from a big, very happy clappy church has an affair with the headmistress from the church school. She got fired, while he got sent on a jolly with his wife, to America, for marriage counselling.

Being “Christian” seems to count for very little with some people!

I worked in tech companies for 20+ years (a lot of that until a few years ago at a big company you'd all be very familiar with). Over that time I was certainly aware of a number of affairs (and a lot more what could be considered EAs).

It's not surprising relationships happen. In tech/engineering its team based work, working very closely together for weeks on end, long hours, weekends, travel together, etc. Today these companies have guidelines on relationships between employees, and these guidelines are treated very seriously.

There is one consistent "issue" I've seen in tech area that might be different to general workplace. There is a large male-female imbalance. I've seen younger women (very well educated very well paid) often getting involved with much older colleagues. Seems like they often ignored their peer age group, very strange to me!

@xmaspost we are in engineering - DP is 16 years older than me 😂

HowIWish - I agree it counts for little. My ex' actions would be prime tabloid material as well (so much more than just affairs). I am grateful that it hasn't been played out in the press (like a few ex rugby players and their poor wives.) I can't think of anything worse. Even if it means not shaming the two individuals concerned. The only losers there are the DC. At least MN is a good place to vent anonomously.

I’m really enjoying this thread
I met my DP, a fellow teacher, at work 16 years ago- we were both single. And we kept it quiet for a few months even took sickies together --before it all came out.