Affairs at work

[HeyThatsNotMyName]

How common are affairs in the workplace?

Now in my early 30s and before the last fortnight, I thought workplace affairs was something that happened very rarely or just in the media (tv, films etc.) Now, after learning not one but four colleagues have been having affairs at work, I'm not so sure.

Was I being naive this whole time?

Its happened every place I've worked charities, government and public sector - singles getting together and marrieds having affairs. Ive stopped looking or thinking about it but Id deeply disapprove if a senior married colleague was at it.

And yet when a woman posts about being worried her husband might be having affair with a female work colleague, LOADS of posters always jump in all aggrieved at the idea that men and women mixing at work would be tempted to be less than professional ...

My ex had an affair at work, he left me for her. They are still together, she is still nervous he will cheat on her!

At my last job, someone referred to our office as 'one big happy dysfunctional incestuous family'... and it was pretty accurate. Although there was one sleazebag who always ended up going for the new women. And unfortunately a lot of the time it was reciprocated because he was traditionally good looking and charming. Many boyfriends and fiancees probably still have no idea

Years ago worked in an office of a reprographics supplier. Engineers came back with stories from workplaces all over... apparently, in those days. Woolworths was the hotbed of lust and desire. Every other person working at Woolworths was 'at it', we were told. Didn't see it myself, of course...

When I was a teen, I worked in a restaurant where the (married) manager was fired for having an affair with the barely-legal girl who had trained me. Not a great work environment though, as the replacement manager was fired for doing drugs on the premises, and HIS replacement was fired for sexual harassment.

When I got my first salaried job out of college, I discovered in the first week that my married boss WHOSE WIFE WORKED FOR THE SAME COMPANY was having an affair with a woman from another department. Mysteriously, the OW moved to Boss's department to work for him, and Boss's marriage broke down rather publicly (although nobody ever talked about why).

When I was 17 in my first office role, 20 years ago, affairs were rife.

The boss was screwing his secretary. Two of the directors were having affairs. One of the managers was too.

Almost all of them tried it on with me.

When it came to the office party, that was crazy, and when it came to the office 'holiday' (sales staff commission treat) everyone was at it, strip clubs, sleeping around.

Really opened my eyes to men being pricks, very early on.

(not all men, obviously, but all the married men in my office were pricks. I felt very very sorry for the wives)

I've worked for two massive companies, one of which virtually supported the town. Husbands, wives, brothers, sisters all worked there - nepotism was rife. As a newcomer into the company, I learned not to say anything to anyone as you never knew who was related to who and worse, who was having an affair with who! "Going behind the woodpile" was a euphemism for some lunchtime entertainment! Move on about three years and my boss was having an affair with his secretary from his previous department at another site 200 miles away. She used to ring him up every night at 5 pm. My boss (who was lovely actually to work for) used to insist I left dead on 5 pm. I wonder why!

The second large company had lots of people working away often on client sites. I know of one guy who had set up himself and his other woman in an apartment a good 150 miles away from his home. We always suspected his wife knew but as he was very well paid, decided to keep quiet and just enjoy his money. They are divorced now however.

In another workplace (family firm) the director I worked for was having an affair with two women at the same time. He would fall out with one and then the other one took priority. At the same time, his wife was pregnant. The two women knew about each other but I don't think the wife knew what was going on

If you're talking about dating/hook-ups among single people it's unbelievably common. I've been working for over 20 years, probably for more than 10 firms from global multinationals to start-ups and I can't think of one where I haven't known of at least one sexual/romantic shenanigan. I've had five separate workplace dalliances over that 20 year period, one of which was a multi-year relationship (never while married though).

Even full-blown affairs where one or both partners are married are incredibly common.

I'm surprised people are surprised by this, to be honest. Why wouldn't it happen? If you work full time you will spend more of your waking hours with your colleagues than you do with your immediate family. If you get on with them and like the culture and you're young and single it would kind of be odd for it not to happen.

The thing about not mixing business with pleasure is observed more in the breach than in the observance in my experience.

I work for the police affairs are rife!
Rumours of affairs are always circulating too, rarely are they wrong.

Yep, loads in schools.

Two parents from my son’s class are definitely at it. They’re nowhere near as subtle as they think they are

I’m a teacher. I met my DH at work. We were both single at the time though!

usernamefromhell, I can understand why single people meet someone at work but, in my opinion, it's awful that so many married people are having affairs.

I would find that often others thought it was quite funny but I certainly never did. My nieces and nephews (the oldest is 30) who work for the police all think it is awful how many are having affairs.

When I worked at the local council offices (lol) there was a sordid affair going on between an older married bloke and a young single mum. Source of much gossip.

Since then though I have worked in a school where there was one male teacher and let's just say I don't think he was the 'affair' type. Very dull.

I do keep wondering if parents from my kids school might have affairs with each other though. Nothing so far as far as I know though....

The 'affair type' may surprise you.

I didn't realise it was quite so common tbh. I know my first job the 36 year old, married manager tried it on with 17 year old me. Yuck! Next job there was 1 man who was very good looking and married. He regularly cheated with women at work. Worked in a school once and 2 teachers were having an affair, I think they left their respective partners.

No way in my current role, it's all women.

Tbh, given how rife it is, I'd say we're not really suited to monogamy.

There were loads at my last office (massive financial services company). Proper long-term affairs as well as lots of hook-ups at conferences etc. I found it quite horrid. No one was particularly discreet about it.

Another teacher who has seen a lot of it go on as in extra marital affairs and single people getting together. My first school was where I met DH.

Blimey, 25 years of working for many different companies and I only ever heard of about 2. I met my DH at work when I was single but I've certainly never had any offers as a married woman myself (apart from the occasional drunken "fancy a shag" comments which are so outrageously stupid I don't include them).

My friend had one when she was unhappily married though, saw that with my own eyes at her works Christmas party. Funny, this is behaviour universally abhorred, yet everyone seems to be at it.

Not me though. If I'm not doing it, does that mean by the law of probability my DH is shagging his workmate in the back of the van?

i dont know of affairs but i don know of at least three friendships where i'm pretty sure the partners of those involved would not be happy as there are lingering looks and sexual tension has been noted. i couldn't do it and hope to fuck my husband hasn't.

at work which is the head offices of a local/regional retail chain.

Put people together and some will start having sexy time with each other regardless of their relationship status and profession

I don’t think I’ve worked anywhere that someone haven’t been having an affair or have wanted to keep the relationship quiet (I did) it makes it exciting thinking no one knows truth is someone will have caught you looking at each other

Even at a hospice I worked in it was happening

I once worked in a university. Senior academic was having an affair with junior admin assistant. He went on lots of 'conferences' ie staying the night in the local Travelodge with the junior girl.

Unfortunately, he hadn't got the nous to pay cash and the transactions came up on the joint credit card statement he had with his wife. She hired a private detective to photograph him & his girlfriend emerging from the hotel. His wife then went all over the uni posting the photos and a statement to the effect "You bastard - I'll screw you for every penny you have". He retired shortly afterwards on health grounds.