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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be happy about at this and find it very odd - son's new teacher

115 replies

SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 20:52

My son (6) has a new primary school teacher for next year, I'd been told the name but it hadn't registered with me at all. Son had a day with her last week and seemed to like her. Today my mum was asking about her and he suddenly blurted out 'oh mummy she lives in your old house...' I was a bit taken aback and asked him what he meant.... he meant just repeated she lived in my old home before I moved out. Turns out she lives with my ex-abusive boyfriend who I left in awful and aggressive circumstances, basically in fear of my safety. We'd shared a house which he kept. He then obviously met this woman and now they live together (the joy of FB when I looked up the name after this statement). Whilst I've not seen ex for 10 yrs something sits really uncomfortably with me that this is the first thing a new teacher says to a child, and that she even knows its my old house and that she even knows he is my child! It was over ten years ago, we've moved 25 miles away and I'm married with a different name. I'm sure there is nothing in it, but it has made me feel really uncomfortable and I can't quite pin point why, and I really don't like that this was brought up with my son. I don't want to make things difficult for him, or potentially her in a new school - but seems so odd I feel like I need to broach it in the new term - WWYD?

OP posts:
Warpdrive · 26/07/2018 20:55

I totally understand why you would feel like that. Is there another form he can be moved to?

Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 20:56

No - it is a very small school - I've been very, very happy with both my children there

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2018 20:56

Yes, it is odd, and I'd flag it with the safeguarding team.
Why would she be telling him where she lives, and how does she know he is your child? have they been stalking you?

purplecorkheart · 26/07/2018 20:57

I would be making an request to switch forms, and would be making an appointment with the headteacher asap.

Tiredofit · 26/07/2018 20:58

I wouldn't be at all happy with this and would try to get in touch with the head before the start of the new school year.

Nagaram · 26/07/2018 20:58

As a teacher you are not expected to mention your personal life. Speak to the teacher

Nagaram · 26/07/2018 20:58

Headteacher that should say

Starlight345 · 26/07/2018 20:58

Is abusive ex your Ds ‘s dad ?

I would approach and say this is the past and where it needs to stay

Warpdrive · 26/07/2018 20:59

I doubt they can remove her from her post - unless it can be proven she isn't fit for it. I guess it will come down to moving school if you feel strongly enough. Tough situation.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 26/07/2018 21:00

How did she know where you lived? And how did she know who you even were, in relation to your son? Hmm

Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 21:00

Delphinium - I couldn't see why!! We broke up ages ago - I quickly met my now husband and haven't seen ex since, I've no idea what he's been up to, or had any inclination to think he's followed my life!! It's just made me feel really off kilter!

OP posts:
Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 21:01

starlight - no I met DH after and we had 2 dc's - we've a wonderful, lovely life!

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MrMagnoliasBoot · 26/07/2018 21:01

I don't know what to say apart from yanbu! This would really creep me out, I find it weird and stalkery! I certainly wouldn't know the names of my Dps exes new children! Who would even want to know?

She certainly shouldn't have told him and I think she has crossed a line. I would probably have a word with the Head.

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 26/07/2018 21:03

I would flag it up with the head, it's very unusual circumstances and it is odd that she would mention anything about your old house. Is she definitely with your ex?
What does your husband think about it?

MsJolly · 26/07/2018 21:05

I would certainly speak to school about it

OrchidInTheSun · 26/07/2018 21:06

That's really creepy. I would speak to the head too. It's hugely inappropriate for her to mention that to your DS

4cheekymonkeys · 26/07/2018 21:10

I can't work out how she would know who you and your son were to mention to him that she lives in your old house? It's really strange!

TorviBrightspear · 26/07/2018 21:11

I would certainly be speaking to the head about this. It may not be the teacher who found out about you, it could very easily be that your ex has been keeping tabs on you.

LesleyA · 26/07/2018 21:12

She is not meant to familiarise herself in this way especially in a way that could lead your son to ask questions that you dont necessarily wish to share. Also this would def create lack of trust as to what else she'd possibly share. I wdnt move your child its not his problem its hers. Poor her having your ex as a partner.

Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 21:13

FB suggests she is with him (pics etc) and profile pic is definitely of the old garden.
DH thinks there must be a logical explanation - i.e. ex mentioned me, somehow knows my DS goes to school, and she mentioned without realising context - so probably was a bit inappropriate but not malicious. It feels the most logical but then worries me that ex even knows that info.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 26/07/2018 21:15

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Excited0803 · 26/07/2018 21:15

That's very weird, I would feel very uncomfortable and the comment to your son is inappropriate. Another vote for speaking to the head. I'd be worried about how she knows and what role the ex has in this stalking, but I don't know how you can find that out.

Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 21:16

And I was all delighted last week because DS does rely on a good relationship with his teacher and easily rocked and he seemed to really, really like this new teacher. I've not mentioned or let on to him my concern.

OP posts:
TorviBrightspear · 26/07/2018 21:17

If there's no connection between your married name and your ex, ie you never told him you were getting married, then how could the teacher even know to randomly look up a new pupil's background. It has to be that your ex is the one who's checking up, and telling the teacher.

Original poster
SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 21:17

Iama the picture of her is taken in the old garden. and there are profile pics with ex...

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