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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be happy about at this and find it very odd - son's new teacher

115 replies

SigningPetra · 26/07/2018 20:52

My son (6) has a new primary school teacher for next year, I'd been told the name but it hadn't registered with me at all. Son had a day with her last week and seemed to like her. Today my mum was asking about her and he suddenly blurted out 'oh mummy she lives in your old house...' I was a bit taken aback and asked him what he meant.... he meant just repeated she lived in my old home before I moved out. Turns out she lives with my ex-abusive boyfriend who I left in awful and aggressive circumstances, basically in fear of my safety. We'd shared a house which he kept. He then obviously met this woman and now they live together (the joy of FB when I looked up the name after this statement). Whilst I've not seen ex for 10 yrs something sits really uncomfortably with me that this is the first thing a new teacher says to a child, and that she even knows its my old house and that she even knows he is my child! It was over ten years ago, we've moved 25 miles away and I'm married with a different name. I'm sure there is nothing in it, but it has made me feel really uncomfortable and I can't quite pin point why, and I really don't like that this was brought up with my son. I don't want to make things difficult for him, or potentially her in a new school - but seems so odd I feel like I need to broach it in the new term - WWYD?

OP posts:

Tomorrowiscancelled · 27/07/2018 20:05

I'm going to echo what a previous poster has said - if he was charged with domestic violence and/or abuse then it's a bit more serious from the school's point of view. As part of your dbs and the application process you have to disclose if anyone you live with has a criminal record. If she hasn't told them then it's possible she doesn't know about the abuse.

She did cross the line mentioning her home life to your son though. And there's no reason I can see that she should know who you are or where you used to live. Especially since you moved away.

Beeziekn33ze · 31/07/2018 01:15

I hope you can soon get an opportunity to tell the head what happened, It's very odd and I'd certainly be concerned in your position, the new teacher's behaviour is intrusive and unprofessional.

lborgia · 31/07/2018 03:25

Just another one that you're entirely reasonable to be uncomfortable at this. My violent ex suddenly appeared on my linkd in "do you know them?" list more than 15 years after we broke up... and we now live on opposite sides of the world. If we lived the same town I'd be besides myself..

RebootYourEngine · 31/07/2018 04:14

Hope the headteacher takes this seriously. I would be very concerned about this.

Mmer · 31/07/2018 05:26

I hope the school takes this seriously.

Fresta · 31/07/2018 05:38

If this house is 25 miles away the teacher has a long commute! It sounds more than mere coincidence she got a job in your local school!

incywincybitofa · 31/07/2018 09:01

Instead of or as well as, you should be able to contact the school safeguarding officer or your LEA Safeguarding officer for advice.
I hope it is cleared up before September x

MaisyPops · 31/07/2018 09:09

Fresta
It depends. I've previously commuted an hour to jobs (teaching and non teaching).

Some of my colleagues commute 90 mins to work at our school.

I think the head needs to know, but long commutes aren't uncommon in schools (especially if someone has taken on a TLR post).

Redbunn · 31/07/2018 09:24

I find this situation very concerning. I can't quite out my finger on the exact reason, it's all very stalkerish and creepy.

It's clear your abusive ex has been keeping tabs on you, even to the extent that he's sharing this information with his girlfriend. I wouldn't be surprised if he's made out to his girlfriend that you were the troublesome partner at the time. He's hardly going to tell her "She left me. I was horrible to her, I was abusive and she fled for her life at the end". Oh no, he'll have a very rose tinted version of events which he would have spoon fed to her about your relationship.

My abusive, controlling, aggressive, violent ex partner was exactly like that. Manipulative to the very core.

Please, get the school involved asap.

1099 · 31/07/2018 09:36

Hi Op - Whilst I agree that it is odd and you should look into it, you say it's quite a small school and presumably therefore a small village is it possible that another member of staff has mentioned it whilst talking with her, if she's a new teacher then she may well have told people where she is living and been told "oh so and so used to live there, her son will be in your class next year" she may not even realise there is a connection between you and BF. I know it's a long shot but maybe worth consideration.

incywincybitofa · 31/07/2018 12:38

The thing is 1099 that had the teacher heard it on the grapevine she either could put 2+2 together, because of how long he had lived in the house or asked her partner.
It can't really be resolved if there is an issue or not until the school become involved, and if there is a slight conflict it may be they need to swap class teachers over.

Notquiteagandt · 31/07/2018 12:50

Have you still got any mutual friends with ex? Or your fb etc?

Could someone of made a comment to them?

She says she has a new job. Friend asks where? Then goes oh OP's kids go there.

TorviBrightspear · 31/07/2018 14:31

1099 what you say might be plausible, except OP says she moved 25 miles away.

AveABanana · 07/09/2018 21:22

@SigningPetra How have things been this term?

covetingthepreciousthings · 07/09/2018 22:34

Been wondering about this thread now term has started again. Hope your mind is put at ease OP.

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