Work colleague commenting on my food

[LisaDav]

Hi all,

I've worked at my current job for around 4 years, and I enjoy what I do.

This past year, I've avoided eating in the staff kitchen area because of this one woman. She wonders around the office most of the time, and I'll be quietly sitting at a table eating what I want for lunch, almost every time she comments on what I'm eating. Whether it's a meal deal from Sainsbury's, or a McDonald's (I work in the city centre, so loads of food places) and she comments negatively on my food each time. It gets to the point where I just eat my food at my desk.

One time, I was unwell for 3 days and my first day back at work, I wasn't feeling anything heavy. So I went to the shop and got some bread to have toast for lunch as that was the only thing I could keep down. She walks in and comments "oh that's not very nutritious" and gives me a lecture about my eating habits.

Today, I snapped! I had a salad for my lunch and decided to eat in the kitchen, in again she wonders 'that's more like what you should be eating' I told her she needs to stop commenting and she took this to HR to report me.

So my AIBU question is, after all this time of her commenting on what I'm having for lunch, AIBU to tell her not to comment such negative things?

I'm concerned this will be a full complaint against me, because I was quite snappy (but didn't say anything horrible)

X

I think you need to explain to be why you snapped and if they are going to act on her complaint then make one about her

YANBU. Unless you looked at her aggressively and waved your fist you had every reason to tell her to stop commenting on your food choices. Just tell HR your side.

Be = hr

I think if HR have got any sense they might advise her to mind her own business.

I'm on your side, I had a colleague lime that, she put her normally healthy teenager on a diet because she didn't want her to become too 'chunky'... I almost called social services on her.

Go to HR yourself and say you have tolerated her making negative comments every single time you eat. You feel harassed and picked on. Do this ASAP. She sounds like a trauma.

You're calmer than me, I'd have told her to fuck off a long time ago! Go to HR and explain what she has been doing all this time. She is the one in the wrong here.

I don't understand why you haven't reported her to HR for harassment and bullying yet. Seriously why are you putting up with this crap.

She took you to HR to report you?

You definitely were not BU to tell her to stop her comments! She has pushed and pushed repeatedly - it's not like you lost your shit at one throwaway remark.

You didn't say anything horrible, so it sounds like you were just quite sharp. She needs to suck it up.

She submitted a formal complaint to HR because you said 'you need to stop commenting on my food'?

SHE went to HR?!

HR are going to be pissing themselves with this one.

Make a complaint about her to hr. I cant believe you've let her away with this for so long.

I almost wish I had the nerve of that woman! Nothing at all in life must faze her if she thinks banging on and on about a colleague's eating choices is fine but the colleague responding a bit snappily is HR worthy. I like to think HR will laugh in her face (and please do report back if that is the case) but either way YANB even slightly U.

Agree with the others, go to HR and complain about her. Explain it it terms of harassing behaviour, because it is.

Don't worry OP, it'll go down as a good 'un in the HR CF awards!!

Can't blame you in the least. YANBU!

"She sounds like a trauma."

Huh? What a weird thing to say, Maelstrop. I've never heard 'trauma' used to describe a person before.

I must say, I was pretty shocked when the complaint came through. She is the type of person who complains about the smallest things!! Some things she's complained about have been utter ridiculous!!

I feel, what ever I chose to have for my lunch, it's entirely up to me! She's commented enough on not just mine, others too!

This is what I said "oh will you just stop your negativity for once, it's draining here you give everyone the third degree about their eating, if you wanted to comment on peoples eating habits maybe you should of got a job with Gillian McKeith"

I don't think this results in a HR complaint but I won't be offended if you disagree x

YANBU she sounds like she has issues around food. I can't imagine noticing caring what my colleagues had for lunch and wouldn't dream of commenting on it. Very inappropriate. Surely you can explain this all to HR.

I imagine if she's a serial moaner HR will be sick of her by now anyway!

Haha I love what you said and don't blame you one bit for saying it.

But to her it has come out of the blue. She sounds unaware of her behaviour and is probably adamant that she hasn't done anything to warrant a public dressing down.

Surely HR will nip it in the bud fairly quickly.

Do you have a log of when she made her stupid comments? If so when you go to HR to make your own complaint share your log.

I don't have logs no, but have plenty of witnesses. I've got a discussion with HR at 3:30, so I'll let you know how it goes.

It's not just me she's done this to, it's a number of people, so I'm hoping it will be squashed quite quickly

Oh my god do we work at the same place? I’ve started eating lunch at my car as everything I eat is dissected by one woman!
“Why aren’t you eating the carrots?”
“Is that all you’re having?”
“Well that’s not very healthy”
I can’t win. I think it’s because they’re so fatally boring and have to fill any silence.

OP, I think you were very restrained under the circumstances!

It's rude of your colleague to comment on what people are eating, and if your HR people are any good they'll ask her why she thinks you said that.

She can lie and say she never comments on people's food (in which case you and others can disagree) or she can acknowledge that she has commented on your food repeatedly (in which case HR should tell her to stop).

Try not to worry too much about her complaint: you didn't say anything egregious, and besides she provoked you.