Work colleague commenting on my food

[LisaDav]

Hi all,

I've worked at my current job for around 4 years, and I enjoy what I do.

This past year, I've avoided eating in the staff kitchen area because of this one woman. She wonders around the office most of the time, and I'll be quietly sitting at a table eating what I want for lunch, almost every time she comments on what I'm eating. Whether it's a meal deal from Sainsbury's, or a McDonald's (I work in the city centre, so loads of food places) and she comments negatively on my food each time. It gets to the point where I just eat my food at my desk.

One time, I was unwell for 3 days and my first day back at work, I wasn't feeling anything heavy. So I went to the shop and got some bread to have toast for lunch as that was the only thing I could keep down. She walks in and comments "oh that's not very nutritious" and gives me a lecture about my eating habits.

Today, I snapped! I had a salad for my lunch and decided to eat in the kitchen, in again she wonders 'that's more like what you should be eating' I told her she needs to stop commenting and she took this to HR to report me.

So my AIBU question is, after all this time of her commenting on what I'm having for lunch, AIBU to tell her not to comment such negative things?

I'm concerned this will be a full complaint against me, because I was quite snappy (but didn't say anything horrible)

X

HR are just going to politely advise you to watch your tone in future, as she can be a pain in the arse, and I'd imagine they will sternly advise her to cease commenting on your eating habits. I feel sorry for some people that they feel the need to escalate things like this.

That's crazy. Why on earth didn't she just apologize and stop doing it. I can't see what she actually has to complain about.

Silly woman, sounds like the office mother hen, good luck with your meeting, don't get angry or upset.

I'd have snapped at her a lot sooner than you OP. I can't stand it when people comment on what I'm eating for lunch. It's seems to be quite common though - I've seen threads about this on here before. Why do people do it? It's so rude and annoying!

Surely 'office mother hen' would imply that she looked after/cosseted people and wanted to take care of them? Not, as it seems in this case, be a hectoring bully...

I think you've been amazingly restrained - I would have told her where to go months ago! Let us know how you get on with HR. As someone else has said, refer to her behaviour as harassment.

What an awful woman - fingers crossed HR are just going through the motions, she sounds dreadful.

You were absolutely not BU. I'm sure HR have got better things to do than deal with this sort of pettiness. Good luck for your chat at 3.30

Ugh I hate when people watch or comment on my eating but where I work we have no lunch room so have to sit at our desks or outside if it's good enough weather.

Every day my colleague says "what've you got" right after I take my first mouthful of food. I wouldn't mind but I eat the same sandwich every single day without fail.

I’m sure HR are rolling their eyes at the thought of having to speak to you about this
Poor you , she sounds like a nightmare

I admire your restraint in not upending the nearest bowl of food over her empty head.

HR?
Good grief surely they have something better to do with their time than deal with ridiculous complaints.
My only suggestion is that she may have been trying to make friends, just not very well.

Lisa I can completely relate. I had a colleague like this and it would drive me insane (mind you she did it to everyone.) it was the whole ‘what are you having for lunch today. She would also give you an unwanted nutritional/calorific analysis and to add insult to injury the woman was overweight and the least person that should be giving this approval or disapproval! In he end I would say oh nothing special just a sandwiche or salad and ask her what she was having thus focusing the attention back on her.
I feel your colleague going to hr is overly sensitive and a major overreaction. She could have easier have asked you why you snapped and if she had done something wrong. Sounds like she was being awkward with you generally and now has found the first reason she could to go complain. Sorry op and hope this gets resolved quickly.

Say to her "Christ you really are a food bore, aren't you?"

Ask her if she’s the food police and then let out a sarcastic laugh.

What does she eats that so great. Whatever she eats, don't eat the same, look how you will turn out!.

She sounds like a right PITA. I don't need think what you said was out of order.
I used to work in a hospital kitchen for my sins so we all ate lunch at the same time in the staff room. I used to bring a packed lunch as quite a few of the staff had questionable hygiene standards. I told them it was because of my food allergies when questioned.
I was dipping a celery stick into some hummus and was asked "What are you eating that for?"
It was a bit of entertainment for them to find out outlandish foods I'd brought for lunch. They'd all comment about whether they approved etc. Bloody annoying.

I snapped at a colleague who used to do this. The day I snapped I'd just started antibiotics for a painful UTI and was having a very bland, carby lunch and I just told her to fuck off

I then reported myself to my boss! In fairness the lady I snapped at took it pretty well. What you said was mild in comparison to what I said. I think your colleague was the unreasonable one, definitely. Good luck with HR.

I had this and replied in the end ‘what the fuck has it got to do with you!?’. He looked horrified as silence descended all around us. Nothing more was ever said though...good luck with HR hopefully they will see it sensibly

HR probably rolled their eyes when her complaint came in. You've got nothing to worry about. They just have to follow procedures.

Let us know how the meeting with HR went, as everyone says I bet they are rolling their eyes about the extra admin they need to do.

Going forward, eat in the staff kitchen - don't hide away - just keep a log of times, dates and the exact thing she says. You can turn it into a little amusement for yourself - you could even take a notebook with you to lunch. You haven't done anything wrong in standing up for yourself.

Op when hr have the meeting with you, tell them it’s funny that as you were actually going to log a complaint about her. Say you feel she is harassing you about your food choices on a daily basis and this has got to the point where you’re dreading your lunch.

It is intrusive and inappropriate to comment on another person's food choices, especially at work.
It could be seen as bullying too seeing as she makes a habit of it.
Make a counter-complaint -- she should definitely be pulled up on it.

I would have complained about her long ago. Start keeping a log and complain back. I hope you make it clear you feel harassed and usually eat at your desk to avoid her.

I think she's perfectly right to report you to HR.

Not for snapping, but for the heinous misdemeanor of pairing 'could' with 'of'.

(Some) Mumsnetters hate that...