Work colleague commenting on my food

[LisaDav]

Hi all,

I've worked at my current job for around 4 years, and I enjoy what I do.

This past year, I've avoided eating in the staff kitchen area because of this one woman. She wonders around the office most of the time, and I'll be quietly sitting at a table eating what I want for lunch, almost every time she comments on what I'm eating. Whether it's a meal deal from Sainsbury's, or a McDonald's (I work in the city centre, so loads of food places) and she comments negatively on my food each time. It gets to the point where I just eat my food at my desk.

One time, I was unwell for 3 days and my first day back at work, I wasn't feeling anything heavy. So I went to the shop and got some bread to have toast for lunch as that was the only thing I could keep down. She walks in and comments "oh that's not very nutritious" and gives me a lecture about my eating habits.

Today, I snapped! I had a salad for my lunch and decided to eat in the kitchen, in again she wonders 'that's more like what you should be eating' I told her she needs to stop commenting and she took this to HR to report me.

So my AIBU question is, after all this time of her commenting on what I'm having for lunch, AIBU to tell her not to comment such negative things?

I'm concerned this will be a full complaint against me, because I was quite snappy (but didn't say anything horrible)

X

Hi all!

Thank you for posting, I was worried before the meeting but you've made me feel a lot better.

The HR meeting went well, they are not taking the complaint any further. I said if this was going to be a full complaint procedure then I will have a counter complaint ready. They mentioned I should watch my tone on how I say things in future (I think they just have to say something)! The whole thing was ridiculous!! A lot of people in the office heard what I said, and thought it was comical!

I'm glad it's not going any further, and I think HR seen how utter ridiculous the whole thing was!

I can't believe people are actually like this on a day to day basis!
Xx

Watch your tone?
I am amazed they dare indulge the woman by following this up.
I know that they have to, but good grief. Maybe she will learn a lesson from this.

I’d be hugely pissed off to be told to ‘watch my tone’ with regard to this incident.

Watch your tone, what a cheek, have to be seen to be doing something. Ignore her silly comments and eat what and where you want.

I worked with someone who always did this. One day I just said to her. Could you stop commenting on everyone’s food please it is very rude. She never did it again. Couldn’t complain as polite request. So simple we were all kicking ourselves for not saying it sooner.

Make your complaint right now. Watch your tone indeed!!!

Well if she comments on your food again I'd make a complaint right away.

OP Id have been very annoyed to be told that
I wonder if she's been told anything

I was having a bad day when a coworker commented on my very unnutritious breakfast. So I didn’t suck it up as usual and just said ‘I didn’t realise I was sharing an office with the food police’.

No comments ever again. Success!

Perhaps I should have bad days more often?

Next lunch, sit down in the kitchen with your Macca's (make sure you have a Sunday for desert) have a nice new pen and notebook next to you. When she comments say please don't comment on my food choices, it makes me uncomfortable. Then write the time date, and exactly what she said in the note book. Even if you are not going to complain about her, it will like you are. It might make her worry and stop commenting.

I think you should take stinky sardines or salmon, with cauliflower on the side and lovely aged cheese for after. Be sure to heat it so the aroma is at full tilt. Take it tomorrow and see what she says. If she comments, tell her you're going to HR because she has offended you.

I would be asking them what they suggest is an appropriate tone to address someone badgering you every day!

I’d request another neeting to follow up on what they said so they cam clarify. To be honest considering that now you’ll have to “watch you tone” you’re better off making a complaint to nip this all in the bud.

You’ve done fine! I had colleagues that would do an environmental risk assessment on everything one was eating. (Prawns? Do you know that prawn farming is destabilising the entire third world... banana? I hope you’re going to put the skin in the composting bin....) It was draining indeed. And basically, downright rude.

I agree with you, I would have snapped too.

I also work with a self-appointed food officer, and she's big on getting her nutrition information from random facebook articles so who knows what kind of nonsense criticism you're going to get on a day to day basis. (She told me off for eating strawberries ones).

It sounds to me as if they were right to tell OP to watch her tone.

However, the food police should also have been told to keep her nose out & STFU about what people eat!

I agree with Zommum about the notebook - but don't make any comment; maybe taking a rise out of you is her weird form of social interaction - just gaze at her thoughtfully for a moment, then write down what she said, possibly repeating it as you write in a slightly baffled tone, then add date, time etc. Maybe a title on the front of said notebook, eg "Log fao HR" which she would see when you snap it shut?

I don't think there's any point pushing it any further with HR at this stage but be prepared for what happens next! If she does make further comments, definitely note down the details. If you have any colleagues who feel the same as you, make sure they also note down when she has been 'food policing' them. If you manage to get a list of incidents then take them to HR and point out that she has been warned but is still doing it.

This is awful. people should be able to eat in a relaxed manner, not knowing someone is watching every move at lunch.

I work in a male dominated enviroment OP and my office is like a fish bowl as its all glass fronted, i have one male colleague that always goes out of his way to make me feel guilty about what i'm eating and its made my past ed's resurface. At xmas i was sharing a pack of chocolate coins with my colleague and he came up to me and said "little pickers wear big knickers". Ok it might be funny to others but to me it really hurt.

Oh and not only did it hurt i've lost 2st since his comments, people dont realsie how much this can effect people

Make a complaint about her harassing you, to HR detail as many incidents as you can remember. They can't deal with her behaviour if you don't report it clearly.

To be honest, I think they were right to have a quiet word, and they probably would have had a word with the other woman too.

I've not snapped at people, but I have been curter than I would plan to be in a work context when pissed off. People on the internet may cheer you on for sass, but in the real world you have to be polite to colleagues.

We had workplace food police, but her main issue was telling me all the time that I could make the food I bought in at home. As if that hadn't occurred to me.

I bet she won't comment on your lunch today!

I'm Amazed that on AIBU - that we haven;'t had the usual GFers who'd come on to say yes, you were rude in response; poor woman was only making conversation and you are being unkind in not engaging in discussion about your lunch every single day....

I used to take a salad every day - whatever was in the fridge, basically. leftovers with leaves/peppers/cucumbers/cabbage/apples... - the office manager would peer over my shoulder and comment, although it was normally to (favourably) compare my lunch with the one provided by the canteen, which was normally shredded Iceberg, with sweetcorn, diced cucumber and tomato. And salad cream. It was annoying, but not every day. Every day would have been irritating to the max.