Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to ask how you deal with children's wanting and wanting and wanting?

142 replies

Pushpins40 · 25/07/2018 11:33

DS has total form for constantly asking for things. Has strong sense of injustice, so if he feels he's being denied, he'll add those things in too until you're literally screaming inside.

Today, despite a day of treats set up because it's first day of holidays...he has managed to still ask repeatedly for more things. Whether it's my time, more attention, things, stuff, doing other things.

I keep talking to him about it but it doesn't sink in. He's 8 and smart.

What do you do?

OP posts:

LadyPeacock · 26/07/2018 08:37

Your wrong I sure he gets attention but some children do want it so much to the point you can’t cook ect usually only children I have to say

Yes, just look at all the parents of only children piling on this thread to say their child is unbearably demanding.

JacquesHammer · 26/07/2018 08:42

Your wrong I sure he gets attention but some children do want it so much to the point you can’t cook ect usually only children I have to say

Ah why use fact when a sweeping generalisation does just as nicely 🙄

BlueUggs · 26/07/2018 08:54

My son is 7. He gets £20 of pocket money once a month. He's usually spent it on shit within 24 hours.
He is told every time we give it to him that it has to last him 4 weeks until "pay day".
When he chooses to spend it within .2 of a nanosecond the first day, we remind him he wont get any more money for treats until the next payday.
This way, he recognises it is his choice what he spends it on and also his fault he can't have something he wants as he's already spent it!
We pay for days out etc but he has to use this money if he wants a toy, magazine, souvenir etc.
When he asks for more, we say "you chose to spend your pocket money on shit that item, so now you can't have this item".
When I was a kid, my parents paid for stuff as I needed it (within reason) but I'm hoping this will teach my son to budget.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2018 09:03

LadyPeacock
As for the only child comments, did you realise it’s harder for us if our child has the type of personality of always wanting something else? Children with siblings have an added distraction - their sibling(s). It’s not all about the only child being spoilt. She’s not an only by choice.

My dd used to ask for loads of things. I am chronically ill so it was hard to say no as I literally couldn’t get her out of the shop and with me flagging and at risk of collapsing I did struggle. I got round this by saying she could have one thing when we were shopping of up to say £5. Shopping was infrequent as we have food delivered so I treated it rather like pocket money.

The taking photos is an excellent idea. What really clinched it for us was transferring a chunk of money to a bank account and showing her the money. She gets to see it going down if she spends anything then up when she gets a cheque for her birthday. I have just been too ill to remember to give pocket money - just another stress so this was an easy fix.

Now she’s older, she gets a good amount of cash for her birthday from family and friends so that sits in her purse. Sometimes she buys frivolous things and yet more smuggle crap - she got a bunch of smiggle stuff from us for Christmas. Other times she decides not to.

You asked how much. We give dd £30 spending money when we go on holiday - that would be for a week or so. She can spend it on an activity or stuff including any presents for her friends. Really it’s whatever you can afford. If you want to factor in trips out during the summer holiday, I expect you will need to budget for more but released on perhaps a weekly basis. IE we can do x this week or save our money for the next week or 2 and do y.

LadyPeacock · 26/07/2018 09:14

Mummyoflittledragon I have an only child?? Surely you also object to the suggestion that the demanding behaviours are due to being an only rather than personality?

I am not one of the people saying their child has never asked for anything. Just that he has stopped badgering for shit stuff since he has had to pay for it with 'his' money.

My DS is not demanding at all of time/ attention because he is a natural introvert who likes doing his own thing. That's just personality though, nothing I've done.

longwayoff · 26/07/2018 09:20

?? Saying no worked for me.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 26/07/2018 09:31

So, we've agreed, DS2 will pay for his Crunchie in his packed supper every day, the other £5 a month will be saved towards a toy, DD will get the same amount. I'm not being stingy, that's how skint we are.

RainySeptember · 26/07/2018 09:43

Your child will grow up appreciating everything they are given perfectly.

TheWitchOfShields · 26/07/2018 16:59

You are not alone.

I have one child. He is 9 in less than 2 weeks and he's like this all the time, despite firm 'No', removing privileges to make him see how lucky he actually is, advising he uses pocket money to buy things - he still wants more.

Today, he asked to walk round to our shops. I said no. We have tonnes of sweets in the house which I keep sharing amongst the kids in the street. 'I don't want sweets, I want stickers' - he was told yesterday that there is no cash in the house as I haven't been out to get any. He was told again today. He is currently sitting on stairs with a face like a smacked arse. I reminded him of a planned trip to Build a bear and Bella Italia for a mam and son treat next week.

He still has a face tripping him up...….. argghhh!!

What makes it worse is, that I work with children in a school, I can usually deal with children who do this, but my own child just drains me, there is literally no let up with him

User183737 · 26/07/2018 17:20

Perfectly i wasnt brought up with loads. But i appreciated everything. I have spoilt them and theyre ungrateful fuckers and i regret it now. They will take apart toys and leave them around to get broken, lose stuff, does my head in

RainySeptember · 26/07/2018 19:06

Witch presumably, at some point, you have given in to his whinging. If he had spent the last nine years knowing with absolute certainty that no meant no, he wouldn't waste his energy.

Whose idea was the build a bear trip?

Frusso · 26/07/2018 19:13

Say no. Mean no. Ignore the subsequent moaning.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2018 19:21

LadyPeacock
Oh I see I completely misinterpreted your comment as sarcasm and felt you were saying parents of only children are pathetic. But I get you now. It’s hard. We are actually on the same page.

elena7475 · 26/07/2018 19:22

My son was same. It was impossible to go anywhere with him since he was 1 year old. We set rules that he can have something if you do things e.g. achieve good grades in school or practice music. Now he 18 years old and he just finished his A levels and got good conditional place at uni.

Cassimin · 26/07/2018 19:28

When my son says "I want....."
I just reply I want a pony, that's not happening either!
Then refuse to discuss any further.
This is to a child with ASD. and ADHD so I find myself saying this quite a lot.
When looking after my niece she always asked for sweets. I would reply "great idea, how much have you got, I'll have some too"

ginexplorer · 28/07/2018 01:03

“I think it is the same with toys, presents, extra clothes, etc. If we use them as treats and rewards we set up an unhealthy relationship with consumption in general. I think this is a big part of why in our society we spend money we don't have on things we don't genuinely want. On the other hand (like food treats) little presents can be fun and joyful, as long as they are occasional, spontaneous, and unpredictable.”

This ^

My experience with my kids is that if I give an inch they expect a mile. Eg ice creams EVERY Day!
Deep down I find it very sad. I didn’t have much when I grew up but I was happy and I worked so hard for everything I have now and have much more money than my parents ever had. I gave my children opportunities I never had thinking I was I doing a great job. But they take it all for granted as they have not known hardship. They can only imagine what it’s like. And that’s only as they are now older at 10 and 13 they even have a concept. Before that - always a battle. I was so desperate once at their insane fighting over 5 different cereal options - I made them watch the children on landfill sites foraging for their breakfast. Perhaps I am a dreadful mother to do that. I find I have to fill the void with lots of activity to stop the boredom. Perhaps 30 years ago we were not so needy as we just went outside to play and have fun with all sorts of children whereas now it’s so structured and organised. Where does this need come from? I keep thinking it’s my fault— where have I gone wrong? I make them do chores now. I insist. It’s hard work but I’ve stuck to my guns and say we are a team and I can’t do it all. They have to pitch in. My 13 year old has the hang of it now and has stopped complaining - small successes - I even got him making a potato salad on holiday and he now does his ironing. The younger one - always leaves the task half done. I have to constantly monitor and chase up. Sometimes I feel bad for not being more laid back and always on the case but I think if I was to let up I’d be a total doormat and have a feeling my kids would be totally arrogant brats. It’s just a feeling. They are so demanding. I’m doing my best. I have no idea if it’s right/ enough/etc

Upsy1981 · 28/07/2018 05:03

My DD only went through a short spell of this. My answer was no. If she asked again, my response would be 'I've already said no. What was my answer?' And get her to repeat the word no and then ask 'why do you think I mean yes?' By getting her to stop and repeat the word no made her actually think about my reply rather than just continuing on her whinge.

Now she's older pocket money has helped. She realises how much things are and how fast money disappears.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6