To not want to go to colleagues family funeral

[mylittlehorse]

I work in a company with around 15 people.

My colleagues father has died and has understandably taken time off. While she is away our line manager decided that we all could take Friday morning off to attend the funeral. One of my colleagues has known this lady for decades and will be going. There are another couple who socialise with her outside of work a lot and want to go.

I do not want to go to a complete strangers funeral. My colleague who I work closest with is also not keen. We want to go to the extended wake they are having after work to offer our sympathies to our colleague.

My line manager is shocked that I don't want to go to the funeral and has said we should all be going to support her. AIBU?

I’m in Wales and have been to many funerals of colleagues’ parents. You go as a mark of respect and to show support to your colleague. Never go to the wake (bit afterwards) though as that is for family and close friends. It’s certainly considered standard practice here.

I've lost both my parents. It wouldn't cross my mind for colleagues to attend their funerals-maybe if I was particularly close to them and maybe knew one of them but that's it.

The only thing I'd expect would be a condolence card.

So when my DF died my colleagues should have travelled 2 hours each way to attend his 30 minute service at the crematorium? And which colleagues, the ones in my department, the ones in the whole office or the colleagues I worked with in other offices?

I have been to colleague's partner's funerals but I was friends with the colleagues as well. I think I would feel quite awkward being at a funeral of someone I didn't know and witnessing the grief of people I wasn't close to either. Not quite sure what support I would be offering.

I think Irish people have a much more relaxed attitude towards death and funerals. Irish funerals can be massive with the whole town turning up and lots of friends, family, colleagues all attending to support the living person they know or work with. It’s totslly normal to take a few hours off work to go to a funeral. I would be a bit shocked if my colleagues didn’t attend a funeral of one of my parents. It would mean a lot to me to know that they were thinking of me in my time of need.