How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

He is acting like a child that has to share his cake, after your cake dropped, sharing is caring. I think you are well able for him, give him a fright tell him to give it over or go. He is being silly.

Don't even think about not touching the inherited house when you divorce him because this financially abusive cunt will not be wanting to pay any maintenance. You have children. Take everything you are entitled to for their benefit.

You might be better off going to a solicitor...

Seconded. You'll be better off getting your own independent advice before you see a financial adviser. There are likely to be nuances, especially in family property proceedings, that need a legal expert to spot. A financial adviser, however good, is rarely a qualified SRA-regulated solicitor, required to stay up to date with changes in their field of practice.

Been there, done that, got the scars - real ones, but I came out the other side with what I'd fought so hard to get and keep.

If that’s the case please could someone help me out as to what solicitor?

I’m not very savvy with this kind of thing. There are several solicitors on my very doorstep but I googled them I don’t understand who or what I need ...

Quite simply, don’t let him pretend that this problem doesn’t exist. If he doesn’t come home tonight, tell him that you will be discussing it. Don’t let him avoid having the conversation.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole.

Op I have warning signs about this. If he is talking to his FA friends about keeping 'his' assets, it sounds almost like your husband is lining up to keep the house behind your back, and if he was doing this there would only be one reason why. I am not suggesting he is planning to leave you, but someone that is happily married and committed does NOT behave like this.

I would imagine he hasn't replied because he is on his way home now as we speak. Anyone reading a message like that would know to come home straight away and iron out whatever it is that is causing the problem.

IF he ignores you goes to a friend for the night, surely that says everything single thing you need to know.

If you know of anyone locally that can recommend a good divorce solicitor that would be best. A proper recommendation would be best. Otherwise perhaps choose that has many many years of experience and is well established. They are all good, but a fearless female solicitor with lots of energy is what you are looking for.

I'm sure he's not a bad person. But he is behaving badly. I'm really glad you, on the other hand, are taking this seriously and acting on it because it is by far the most sensible solution for you and your children to get this sorted and resolved now.

The fact he hasn't even had the fucking decency to reply to you is even making my blood boil. Assuming he isn't at home now reassuring you in some way?

it makes much more sense from a tax point of view if the family move into it or sell it and buy a house together as the current set up is like burning pound notes every day in both income tax and capital gains tax terms

I can't quite get past this aspect either but maybe I'm missing something here in terms of benefits/tax credits etc.

What would be the difference in your outgoings and income living in the house from what they are now? If you were eligible for tax credits before he got the rental income, would you not be eligible for some support to offset the increased council tax when living in the house less this rental income? Have you checked for sure what the new council tax bill would be?

I'm sure he IS a bad person.

There’s very little difference. Honestly it’s absolutely ridiculous that we (we?! Ha!) haven’t sold the house.

He has text and apologised. I’m still going forward with regards to getting advice on this and not letting him brush this under the carpet.

half the inheritance is not nec Ops. It will depend on how it is treated - ie if the money goes into a joint account and goes out on family expenses it is seen as a family asset - and will be treated as such in a divorce. THE STARTING POINT for discussions on finance is 50% - it can be more so eg. if you are the one left with three kids to support then the % might be more.

Oh sorry ignore my ‘very little difference’ I mistunderstood what you were asking.

I will re-read

Good well I am glad he has apologised, it changes nothing in terms of you protecting yourself and the children with knowing where you stand financially. This is good housekeeping anyway even if this all turns out to be okay in the end.

There is very little difference whether is IS a bad person or just behaving like one they are pretty much one and the same

I was asking because the reason for not moving into the house was the more expensive council tax and the idea that you couldn't afford that.

I'm wondering if you actually had done a proper outgoings v income comparison for your current set up and the option of living there.

I can't believe planning permission would make that much difference to the sale price to justify continuing to rent for at least year whilst owning, mortgage-free, a habitable house but maybe I'm wrong. Like the pp said, though, of your three options this really seems to be the one that is like burning money.

I couldn’t agree more.

And I told him this over and over again. He pretended to listen and take on board what I was saying? Only to ‘change his mind’
at the very last minute.

I say change his mind but he’s been making all the decisions all along and I’ve had no say in it at all.

You have done the right thing by bottoming this out now.

I hope to god he has not responded because he has seen the light and is coming home to beg/plead and apologise.

If not, I hope you have the strength to follow through for the kids (as well as your own) sake

🤦🏽‍♀️ Missed the update
What the fuck is he going to do beyond “apologise” to change things

You could ask him to add your name to the house and see what response that gets
But I get the feeling you are a bit past that point...

Ok I’ve emailed a local family solicitor who specialises in this kind of thing. It’s late now so hopefully I will hear back from her tomorrow. I’m hoping it’s maybe possibly less than £250 an hour.... but I’m not holding my breath.

I’ve also messaged DH ago calmly tell him what I’m doing. I told him I’m not being financially bullied and that I’m serious about putting my foot down this time. I always say “this is the last time” when he’s being an arse but this really is the last straw. I’ve always been very blood independent and never needed anyone for anything and I absolutely refuse to do this now.

You’re amazing OP!

It’s so nice to see a woman standing up for herself and telling/showing her husband that she’s not going to take any of his shit!

You’re a wonderful role model to your children.

I am not trying to be disrespectful here but I am going to say it.

That is not enough money to make it worth throwing one's family away for.

It's not exactly millions, is it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as poor as a church mouse that's on the verge of bankruptcy and that is a decent bit of money but enough to risk not seeing your children, nah, no chance. That is nuts.

It sounds very much like it has gone to his head and he has developed a mental money hard on, thinking it makes him Daddy Warbucks and it's messing with his reasoning.

He might get past it but you've may have to give him some serious home truths in the mean time. I see you are strong and already attempting that though. Ultimately, it's up to him if he wants to listen and keep a loving wife and adoring children. He's the one who will end up alone, eating cold baked beans and wanking into a sock for comfort.

Best of luck sorting it out. Hope you can bring him round so you can all be happy.

That's great that you've contacted a solicitor. I'll scrub what I've just typed up! If you decide that solicitor isn't for you, the Law Society have a solicitor search facility.

As people have said upthread, being armed with knowledge gives you strength in negotiation with your husband. I do hope things work out the way you want them to.

Salty, I think you are missing the point, its not the money.

I’m not throwing my family away for money.

I honestly don’t understand how I’ve even begun to give that impression throughout this thread.
I’ve said I won’t put up with what feels like bullying. And beating me with his “I pay all the bills” stuff all the time.
I’ve even said I don’t want anything to do with his house and I wish it never happened and we were happier before any of this stuff happened.
What we have as a result of this, is not a happy marriage. If that continues, I’m not staying in it.

I’m not trying to get out of my marriage to make money.

I think the comparison is, If OP wins the Lottery would she keep it as personal money ? I imagine DH would have something to say.