How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

Good luck OP

You sound strong and sorted OP. I hope that your DH appreciates that you opinion and feelings on this are valid.
Would you/he consider telationship counselling to provide you with a neutral space to discuss this issue?

People need to stop telling the OP the house is half hers. It doesn't work like that. As I said I went with a solicitor to get a view on this specific question with a friend who's H is absolutely terrible with money and she was concerned that inheritance coming her way would be half his and get blown rather than being spent on the wellbeing of their children. It was suggested in their case he would actually be entitled to very little of it were they to divorce. The OP's case is different but it is great that she is going to get some independent and professional advice on this.

One of the things my friends' H does is equate money with emotions. Do not get sucked into that OP. Either you are a family unit and this sort of behaviour stops dead in its tracks or you are not and he can sort himself out.

If you do decide to work together as a team, it should be on the basis that you are making equitable decisions about the family finances and this includes you having an equal say on whether the house should be moved into/sold and you going to see a financial advisor together to discuss that (but very good that you are going to see someone on your own first)!!

As stated by previous pp, I have t read the full thread, but, OP is not entitled to half the house. It is his inheritance and not a marital asset!!!!

The stupid thing is OP (and I'd be pointing it out to him) that if he didn't want to be legal equals with you having access to "his" money, he knew about the house before the wedding. He could have called it off when he realised he was going to be such a fucking high-roller billionaire supporting his poor deprived pauper wife (I may exaggerate a tad...). He's not a stupid man (I assume), he surely knows assets are split in a marriage?

That’s why I need financial advise.
Thanks for your help.

For what it’s worth, DH is friends with a financial advisor. I wonder if he knows full well I’m not entitled to 50% until he sells and buys a new property with me. Which as I said upthrwad has been my main concern as to why he didn’t just sell it.

Hope he comes to his senses OP but if not it seems that you are better off without him well done for putting your foot down now

Ok so it’s not clear cut , but it seems ridiculous for people to stare categorically that inheritances are not marital assets.
www.bbc-law.co.uk/legal-news/inheritance-and-divorce/

What was his justification for not selling it when he doesn't even like your current rented flat?

That we couldn’t afford the council tax bill on it each month. This much is true, we really couldn’t.

And that it has a large bit of land and if we sold it with planning permission then we could sell it for more (possibly) and this takes time. That he didn’t want to pay a huge chunk of tax if he sold it now (I know, this makes absolutely no sense.).

Yes, as per the advice I sat in on from that link:

"depending on whether the other assets are sufficient to meet the couple’s or family’s future needs, the needs of the family, especially where there are minor children, will be the overriding consideration and if the only way to meet those needs is by transferring inherited assets or assets deriving from them, to the other party, the Court may do this" - you've got to think it would be very unlikely to leave the children in rented accommodation (which is obviously less stable than mortgage-free ownership) whilst the other parent rented out a house for over £1k a month

Ok, and how long is the tenancy he's agreed?

I dont' think anyone is stating categorically that inheritances are NOT marital assets. The point is that the issue ISN'T unambiguous, explicit and the same in every case. So the OP should obtain advice (which she is doing) to see what would likely apply in her case. Bearing in mind that whatever she is told, it is possible that a lawyer acting for her husband in a divorce might seek to argue differently.

OP, hope it doesn't come to that as you love your husband and want the marriage to continue. Well done on setting out your stall to him in your text. Hope the conversation goes well and - in the meantime - plan and prepare your exit strategy.

"WhatAnAbsolutePenis

For what it’s worth, DH is friends with a financial advisor. I wonder if he knows full well I’m not entitled to 50% until he sells and buys a new property with me. Which as I said upthrwad has been my main concern as to why he didn’t just sell it."

That's what sprung to my mind as well. It says a lot about what he thinks about your marriage and you that he's so determined to keep you, his wife and mother of his children, from benefiting from the house that he's rented it out and you've lost your tax credits which he basically is blaming you for. Dafuq!?

Cuz there isn't really a logical explanation for not selling the house and using it to buy a place of your own together, when you're renting, and he hates the flat you're renting.

Time thanks I emailed them as well.

You didn’t quite mirialis but concise certainly did

Yes I agree. It doesn’t look good, does it?

In English law as on the link above the house is highly likely particualrly in this case where there is no other property owned to be part of the marital assets. Obviously currently it is in H's name so he could sell it tomorrow and gamble or hide it all away and I think she cannot register it as the matrimonial home either so he is being quite careful over this probably deliberately. And currently it is not in her name but if they were to split there is a good chance she would in fact get more than half of it to house the children in and see to their financial needs. That said it makes much more sense from a tax point of view if the family move into it or sell it and buy a house together as the current set up is like burning pound notes every day in both income tax and capital gains tax terms. She should also check he has declared his rent to HMRC and ask to see a copy of his tax return to confirm that.

He agreed to 1 year tenancy.

I know he declares it. He’s self-employed and does his own tax returns. He absolutely does declare it, of that I am sure.

Bloody HELL.
Both of those financial people have emailed me back. One of them quotes £250 an hour!
I stupidly set myself up for spending £100.
But £250?!

The other wants me to call them which I’m about to do now.

You might be better off going to a solicitor...

Ok, so you have a year to go TOGETHER to get professional advice from estate agents etc. to get the planning permission sorted and get the house on the market with the aim of it being sold in 12 months...

He’s already got advice from all those places totally without me. I had no involvement whatsoever.

I just spoke to the other people (that was linked on here) and gave them a load of details (the lady was sympathetic!) and they will arrange a free 30 minute consultation and go from there.

DH hasn’t replied. I doubt he will now.

One of two things is going to happen.
He’ll either go to his friends house after work (which is planned to do at one point this week anyway) and stay there until late and come home when we are all asleep and leave for work again before we are awake then come home tomorrow like nothing has happened.

Or he will come home tonight as though nothing has happened.

He does this with all issues and all arguements. The following day it’s all forgotten about and acts like nothing has happened and all those words weren’t said and absolutelt fuck all gets resolved. He might at a stretch, agree that we need to discuss it. But will never actually discuss the issue. Ever.