How do I stop my husband being a financial bastard?

[WhatAnAbsolutePenis]

Back ground - we’re married, 2 kids and live in a rented flat. He inherited a house from a friend which he decided to rent out. That’s been rented out for about 3 weeks now and he gets over 1k a month for it.
He works full time and I’m a student in the NHS, including placements and full time uni all year round and I work as well.

Before he inherited this house, we had a shared account for bills and rent. He put in about £600ish a month and I put in £400 and we used to get tax credits.

We are no longer entitled to tax credits.

He has a few weeks ago thrown in my face that he pays for everything. Food, bills and rent.

We had an argument today and he’s done it again. Obviously he puts a significant amount in now because he gets the rent and has to replace the tax credits that we are no longer entitled to.

We just had an argument about the front door (he loves to bitch about the flat. I’ve lived here for years before we were married and he makes it clear that it isn’t up to his standards, the Windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door etc eyc) and yet again he threw in my face that only he pays the rent.

I told him fuck the fuck off and don’t come home tonight.

I’m perfectly fucking capable of paying the rent without him. He can move out. Problem solved.

What exactly does he expect me to do, ditch my degree and my career, somehow inherit a house just so we can be on an even keel with money?!

What kind of absolute bastard throws this in their wife’s face every time they have any argument?

The house has only been rented out for 3 weeks, is this it now? This being thrown in my face every 10 seconds?

Your full name and DOB, same for him
Address of owned property and your rental
Your occupation and employers and salary
Rough idea of other marital assets eg pensions, savings, cars,

I don't think you should have a claim on his inheritance, just as I don't think he should have a claim if you inherited. His friend left the house to HIM, not to you. The inheritance would probably become more of a marital asset if you had both had it for years, but if he was to leave you now then I think you would be wrong to pursue half of it. The wishes of the person who passed away are very important, and his friend would have left half of his house to you if he had wanted you to have it. Be careful, as he is more likely to leave if he senses that you want to get your hands on his house, and if he leaves you would probably have to go back to work full-time and study via distance learning, and I'm guessing that you probably don't be keen on that.

Hi Yes, when I said £100 is was "ballpark" and didn't include the VAT so that sounds fine.

Ignore "harshbuttrue" - you are doing the right thing in going to find out exactly where you and your children stand. That's all.

yes have a list. I saw a lawyer 6 months before I decided to divorce, just for an hour and had my list of questions and concentrated on those eg would I lose the children on the divorce - for me my no. 1 question. Stick to your list and make sure you get through it in the limited time. Keep any moans about him or how you feel for girl friends. Make this a business meeting with precise technical questions asked and write down the answers on a typed list you take with you.

OP you worded it perfectly.
YANBU at all.

I don't think you should have a claim on his inheritance, just as I don't think he should have a claim if you inherited. His friend left the house to HIM, not to you. The inheritance would probably become more of a marital asset if you had both had it for years, but if he was to leave you now then I think you would be wrong to pursue half of it.

WTAF?

They're married and they have children. He is now griping because his decision to rent out the house he inherited and continue to pay rent on the property they live in means they are no better off than before, because the rental income means they are no longer entitled to tax credits. Basic schoolboy error.

He throws this in OPs face as though it's her fault, and humiliates her by going on about how much more he contributes financially. If he hadn't been an idiot, they could be rent-free AND getting tax credits.

And now you are honestly suggesting that if they split up the OP should wave goodbye to a secure home for their children and hello to years of penury while she lines the pockets of a BTL landlord? The wishes of the testator are irrelevant, she is no longer alive. If she had wanted OP to keep the property all for himself, she should have left it in some sort of trust that couldn't become a matrimonial asset.

I'm sure it won't come to that anyway. Hopefully he will stop his childish goady whining and grow a pair, and together they can find a way of making sure that they can find a way of ensuring that this inheritance benefits the whole family.

For what it’s worth, I’m not seeing a solicitor because I want a divorce and take 50% of his inheritance.
I’m seeing a solicitor so I can gather information and say to him “stop being a complete penis, we are legally equal, so shut the fuck up about paying all the bills.”

A way of bringing him back down to Earth, some home truths. Some bloody equality.

And the inheritance was for him yes. But she clearly stated in her will that she would like it if it became our family home. Unfortunately because of logistics this isn’t possible but we intend to make a family home from it.
So yes it’s for him, but it’s intention was for us.

harshbuttrue1980

Did your husband come home last night, OP? did you and he have a sensible discussion at all?

What is the barrier to making the inherited house your family home? - you say 'logistics', but are they barriers that could be overcome? Rent-free, mortgage-free, no CGT in the event of a sale and the possible reinstatement of tax credits seems like a massive incentive to move and increase commute/change schools.

Don't you believe inheritance is ring fenced it's not if the judge needs it to make sure each parent has a home.

Don't you believe inheritance is ring fenced it's not if the judge needs it to make sure each parent has a home.
Eh?

PearTree he did come home yes. Acted as if nothing had happened which is always what happens. Which is a good thing for now.
I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with a solicitor so I’m hoping to be more informed and I intend to talk to DH afterwards.
Although, if I do end up with few rights, then perhaps there would be no point because I would be basically letting him know that he is the boss of me, financially speaking.
I hope to god that’s not the case.
I want to be of equal partnership or this will absolutely kill our marriage.

The logistics are that we are about to become a family of 5 and it’s a two bedroom house.

DS1 is about to start secondary school in September, and I really really don’t want to uproot him to change schools. If we were to live there, all the school runs for all children would be down to me because DH works early until late.
Plus I moved from the city that the house is to a lovely quiet, clean, picturesque town that I absolutely love. I really really don’t want to move.

In English law the judge can award inheritance to the other spouse on a divorce in many cases. In Scottish law it may be different.

Within the marriage each spouse has a legal duty to support the other financially but not to share all money whilst still married with the other. That is one reason child benefit when it came out to replace child tax allowances was paid to mothers as so many rich couples you would find the husband worked and earned a lot and he didn 't even give his wife enoug to feed the children and at least child benefit paid to the mother meant she had some money coming in for food.

if we break up I want nothing to do with his house. He can keep the bastard thing and everything it earns him
Just noticed that and wanted to pre-empt your solicitor in saying 'Don't be silly, dear.' You have children. You need everything you can get. Pride says 'He can keep it.' Common sense says 'If it's mine, I want it.'

The main point for him is that it makes no sense to keep things as they are as he will have capital gains tax when he sells the house buit not if you and he bought a home together and he will have to pay 2-0% ot 40% tax on the rent he receives plus you've lost the tax credits. I think he needs to sit down with a calculator and work out why he thinks it best to keep the house separately and rented out when that does not protect it from you on a divorce anyway in my view.

Oh it’s too late for that.

His tennant has signed a years contract.

Tenant's contract is another question for your list for the solicitor.

The thing is, this is a family solicitor or specialises in a particular area. I don’t know if he will have the answers to everything.

But as I said, I am really inexperienced with this kind of thing so I’m just guessing.

Sure, he won't be an expert on tenancy law (maybe someone reading this is) but I have had my landlord break a year's contract after 6 months (with ample notice but viewings did start whilst I was living there) because he wanted to sell and I have done this to my tenants too (they found somewhere quite quickly so in fact I didn't really look into the legalities as they were friends and knew I wouldn't boot them out until they were settled). So I'm thinking it's possible (don't know what the T&Cs are on your current rental contract) if it were desirable. It might not be (either desirable or possible) but good to get as informed as you can.

The tenancy might have a six month break point in it.

thsi is the problem - usually if one spouse does not put the spouse on the home the spouse registers their rights at the land registry to ensure no sale without notice of their interest which would stop a husband selling the place later and giving the money to a mistress. www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1 However the right only applies I think to the matrimonial home.

My ex did this.
It's why he's my ex!
I was tired of "I pay the mortgage."
We put 50% in to the deposit, he paid the mortgage, I paid childcare. Same cost every month but because he specifically paid the mortgage it was always thrown in my face.
Couldn't be happier now I'm not with him. I'm skint, but I'm happy! Peace of mind is worth a lot.

Funny that you should say that Firefly but I pay all the childcare as well.

He forgot that little nugget until I reminded him.

I think it's depressingly common Fiirefly! That's why it's good that OP is getting her info sorted now so she can nip this in the bud.

Suggest you both go 50 /50 on the mortgage and child care to help him organise his thinking.

Hi OP... sorry that your DH is being such a nob.
When you see your solicitor please ask him about the tax on disposal of a domestic property because i have this nagging feeling that as you, as a married couple, do not own your own home, you would not have to pay tax on the proceeds of the sale of this inherited house, this might have the caveat that so long as they are used to for the purchase of another home but then I don’t think that this is even the case... one for the solicitor definitely.

If you can resolve things with your DH and he can grow up and be sensible human being I think finding out about planning permission to build on the garden or redevelop the site would be eminently sensible as properties with planning permission for substantial improvement do attract higher prices and improve saleability too rather than those with potential to develop. It will cost to get outline planning permission but an expense well worth incurring if it does have good potential. Talk to local agents and do research on the area first of course though.

Good luck with completing your studies and with everything generally... you are strong and resourceful woman and no doubt a great mum and role model to your children.

Thank you @PlainlyCrackers. That first bit about the tax disposal, please can you explain that again like you’re talking to a toddler because I’m not sure I fully understand you so I wouldn’t know exactly what I am asking.