Posted thread yesterday about EX using my car! Have received the texts now! Need all the MN advice please!

[cheaperthebetter]

So my lovely MN this is the text I received 5 mins ago for ignoring his 5 calls; EX does not even know any of DD & DS friends ever!
Please help on the perfect reply

(My name) its pathetic, u gna hav to talk to me, grow up was jus gna talk about kids, its stupid , oviously there somthing else going on , cant b assed with the childish games injoy ,who ever it is, when u decide to grow up ring me need stuff. Am not putting my life on hold anymre i did best , u hav to many issues an u cant adress any, u have just lost the man who loves u , sometimes people go on an on an pick faults with there loved ones ,then realise when they gone that they had it all an thats whats gna happen to u, i tried to help u but u cant do it u need to c someone about way u are from the past ,coz u cant c way u are, ring later about kids , an also am gna ask (my single hairdressers name)if her kids want to spend time with (DD) over 6 weeks , an (DS) friends as am gna move in my own home an get my life back an somone that apreciates me. U cant c who i am ur to messed up,i deserve to be happy ,ring at lunch 4 kids

Mediation is not usually recommend in the case where DV was a factor in the breakdown of the relationship- as is the situation here.

It's too open a concept to be manipulated by the perpetrator of the abuse.

Using a solicitor is the way to go here - no messing about and being as low contact as possible.

I'm pretty sure that a history of DV rules out mediation- the abuser will just take the chance to further abuse their victim.
He's in a proper panic and will try anything to claw back his control (and your cash!)OP. Don't let him- get proper legal advice and follow it to the letter.

Yes, it looks like his control is lost and the gravy train dried up, he is trying to engage you in conversation on the pretence it is about the children, but it is so he can tap you up for more money, fags, food, car etc.

YANBU on calling this relationship to an end, for his illiteracy alone.

Is he just thick or is there something medically wrong?

Dla is for the childs care needs, not so his dad can take him out. It goes towards say, water bills when theres an increased use due to incontinence etc

Exactly @User183737, can't agree more! Its not to pay for days away!

CB/Tax Credits are all in the parents name, DLA is the one benefit that is in the childs name only it is controlled by the parent. DLA is to support the child's disabilty needs. Not dad's need to pay maintainence!

Listen ain ringing for u , i have alot to discuss about kids an we need to go amideation, to talk about kids an i need my own contact with the school ,an the kids money when i have them so i can decide what i feed them or do with them an also (DS sen) dla i will want half so can take him out etc ,i will provide all the receipts to show that it was spent on kids an not on me or me useing it to pay my bills , ill exspect the same from you , just want whats fair nothing else u have evarything else , dnt want to argue just want to be nice to each other work as a team for kids, its important we dnt curse each other infront of them ,even on a phone to anyone ,ill take (DD) swimming an (DS sen) y u sort (DD2) out tomoz , need to get stuff from hovse need it washing dnt have anything clean ,also protein , dnt hav no food,fags spent last my money on fishing.hope u sort urself out. Lets be nice 4 kids ok ,bY

See all that?

No.

Just. No.

No to everything.

No to the kids' money. No, he's not fucking having it.

No to you washing his things.

No to you giving him food.

I don't know if you've noticed, but despite him ragging on about "You're spoiling it for the KIDS, let's be nice for the KIDS!" - he's only going into details about how you're spoiling everything for HIM.

He's got no money and wants the kids' money (lol, so much NO)

He's got no fags (good)

He's got no food (if he had friends they'd feed him, I could call in so many favours I wouldn't starve for a month)

He's going to bang a hairdresser (probably not)

He's moving into a nice house (not with no money, he's not.)

We should be nice to one another (YOU. You be nice to him, he means. He has no intention of stopping being a useless piece of shit)

This, dear cheaperthebetter, is called an extinction burst. This means that this is his last ditch wild attempt to MAKE you look after him and do what he wants.

NO.

You don't have to reply but you must keep in your head. NO. he's not doing this for the children, he's using the children's names to make you do what he wants, trying to make you feel like you're doing a bad thing to THEM. You're not. You've successfully scraped of a fucking leech, well done.

So because you're not going to provide him with money, he's now moved on to the kids' money? He really is something else isn't he?

Don't reply at all, it'll drive him nuts.

Remember OP - DONT respond!

This is all hot air, don’t give it weight. He can bleat as much as he likes, makes no difference. Saying no will just encourage him.

Just make sure contact is clear, simple, appropriate. Only contact around this.
Solicitor if necessary.

There are no question marks within the text, therefore no reply needed

So he doesn't want anything bad said in presence of the kids?
Well why did he phone the fm in front of them and spout about not being allowed to use your car ( which he referred to as THE car.)

It sounds like he hasn't got the message that he is your ex and financially now responsible for himself. Hopefully he'll get this eventually, if you don't give into him.

OP agree with everyone else. also why do u have him on ur car insurance. Get him off it. Ur car not his. I left my ex and like that he was living in my house, driving my car etc. Got him out of house and took him off my insurance. He kicked up a storm... I need car to take dc out on day off... I kept repeating to myself. NOT MY PROBLEM! I needed my car when my dc when with him so I could go somewhere and destress/unwind.

I’ve reread your other thread from yesterday. I thought you said he gets the child allowance. Or did I dream that? Now he’s getting a job, I think it’s time to get that money for your dds. You 8 yo dd has made it crystal clear she doesn’t care much whether or not she sees her father.

Only action I might be tempted to do is contact your friend the hair dresser who he said he would contact to arrange a play date with the dc.

Chances are he won’t but in case he does you don’t want him spouting something dodgy/untrue/odd to her - eg suggesting that that you had said they should meet up or that you didn’t want to see her or whatever, nor do you wanting him catching her on the hop.

If she knows on the other hand, when he calls, she will be able to say that you already have plans/ she doesn’t want to meet up for a play date with him and the dc.

Do not give him a penny.

On your other thread, did you say he claims child tax credits, or you do?

If he does, please ring and get a claim in for yourself and get the tax office to cancel his.

You are entitled to the money as the children live with you. He should be paying child support but I'm guessing he isn't

He’s a piss-taker. Give them an inch... you know the drill.

The only way to deal with people like that is keep them at a distance - physically, emotionally, financially. Grey rock, in other words.

Of course he’s going to send you barely comprehensible texts telling you that he’s just trying to do his best 4 da kids and you’re a big meany. So what? It’s not true and the people that count know that.

To ineptly quote a long dead bloke, it’s a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

At least it shouldn’t be so hard to say no to him now.

Wot a sponging toerag

I actually can't believe that someone exists who would ask for their child's DLA money and his ex partner's benefit money. Absolutely unreal.

He should be paying you money. Get onto the CMS.

Also, bag his stuff up and text him to let him know his things will be outside on day/time. What happens to them then is his problem.

How can he afford to take the children swimming tomorrow if he cannot afford food?

Do not let him in to do his washing. Do not let him in to steal the expensive protein foods from your fridge.

I would not even respond to his message at all. Totally ignore.

Maybe if you felt a need to respond to his offer of child contact "I will drop DD and DS off with you tomorrow. What time do you want them and when will you drop them home?"

Obviously he is expecting to rock up at your house, get money for swimming from you, raid your fridge and have you do his washing while he swims. He is hilarious. So that would be a NO then.

He's first class berk, thick as sh1t!
Change your locks so he can't get in, text him with a new email address for communication re childre, tell him his clothes etc are in bin bags outside the gate and block him.
Call the police if he comes round and kicks off

I'm still amused with the part about hitting up the hairdresser. Is that supposed to be some sort of threat? That he's going to 'get with' your single hairdresser to make you jealous? If she's like most hairdressers, she's already heard about him from you and wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

I still say ignore.

OP if you are claiming tc as a couple, and have split up you need to inform them immediately. If you signed you are just as responsible as him.
The rp is to claim as a sp for tc and other benefits.
You can be prosecuted and imprisoned for fraud for not telling them.

If he is claiming as a sp you need to get this changed, it's the children's money, not his.

Christ, his nonsensical texts are all too familiar and make me ragey. Then right on cue - Big Mantrum at how deluded/selfish/horrible/unreasonable you are for not wanting to continue a relationship.

Yay you for deciding not to take any more shit!