Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not move from this seat?

281 replies

Namechangerr2018 · 23/07/2018 09:53

Hi all, I’m a regular poster that’s nc because I don’t want people to find me irl.

So today I was traveling into work on the DLR and the front seat became available (you can see where this is going). I took my chance and sat there because it’s quite frankly fun.

Next stop a family gets on and the DS starts having a tantrum because he can’t sit there (bear in mind it’s getting really full up).

His DM asked if I could move but as my hip was hurting I replied that I could not as I can’t stand for long journeys.

WIBU? Hmm

OP posts:
CherryDrizzleCake · 23/07/2018 13:33

TheHalfBloodPrincess

Yes, I remember the finer detail now. That does put a different complexion on that particular situation. I suppose I've just picked up from several threads that giving up your seat for someone isn't really seen as required good manners any more. As a teenager I'd have just done it without a pause for someone much older than myself, whether or not they looked infirm.

Backstabbath · 23/07/2018 13:35

The OP didn't have a problem with her hip when the front seat became available... seemed to move ok then, but when asked to move so a child could 'drive' suddenly the hips the main issue. Also points out the train was filling up... not full, so not having to stand.

Boulty · 23/07/2018 13:36

Why do parents ask people to move for their children? Strange that some parents have to bow down and meet every little demand of their children. No wonder some children struggle with no/can't do that etc.

YANBU - the parents were

Tara336 · 23/07/2018 13:36

That’s so cheeky to ask! The child needs to learn that he can’t have what he wants all the time and parent needs to learn to say no. If he was perfectly healthy there’s no need for him to sit or sit there in particular especially if by some miracle on the DLR there’s another empty seat he can use that one.

Leesa65 · 23/07/2018 13:36

DarlingNikita

I have done the same re the button at the crossings . My DCs are either adults or teenagers now but I do remember how they loved pressing those buttons.
Saw a little boy trying to get there before I pressed it , pulling his mums hand, of course I let him press it , its fun to them.
If I am on the front seats on a bus (don't get the DLR) and a mum and child get on, or mum and children, and seats are available, I see the looks on the DCs faces and offer the seats to them . No biggie.

In this situation though, YANBU OP.

BolleauxtoBankers · 23/07/2018 13:37

For those of you saying that the OP had had her go and should have been an adult about it, it's not clear whether by the time the tantrumming toddler/child had their fit, there were still seats available for the OP who has trouble standing because of hip pain.

TammySwansonTwo · 23/07/2018 13:42

Christ. Seems like a lot of the adults crying foul here are the “snowflakes”. If a parent making a request is enough to ruin your entire day, you have bigger bloody problems.

Miserable bunch of bastards.

OP, ywnbu to refuse, but holding the request against the mother and being so vile as many are here is beyond ridiculous.

RiverTam · 23/07/2018 13:44

Aw, I’d give up my seat there for a little kid, it’s the DLR!! You get to drive the train! I certainly wouldn’t on any other train but I would make an exception for the DLR, it really is a treat for the kids.

Was she cheeky to ask? I dunno - don’t ask, don’t get, I guess. She asked, you declined, neither in the wrong. Her son needs to learn though that just because his mum asks a favour, she might not get it and you don’t throw a strop about it.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 23/07/2018 13:53

I would have moved if there was another seat for me to move to. I wouldn’t move if was no other free seat.

amusedbush · 23/07/2018 13:54

I think I was on the carriage with you this morning and if so, the mum asked you to swap seats rather than give your seat up and in my opinion ywbu to refuse.

Ooh, it’s getting interesting Grin

Lockheart · 23/07/2018 14:03

It’s a generous thing to do to offer a seat at the front to a child, but it’s by no means an obligation.

I’m also in London and I’ve happily moved for (obviously tourist, judging by the maps/rucksacks on the parents) children when sitting at the front of the top of a double decker. But if it’s busy or my ankle’s playing up and I couldn’t easily get another seat I’d stay put.

PurpleTrilby · 23/07/2018 14:06

I agree she was really cheeky to ask and I agree it's intruding on someone's day and guilt tripping them, as a pp said. I will always offer my seat to someone who clearly needs it, but I'd be furious if it was on a commuting route and everyone's knackered on a packed train, just for the precious offspring of someone like Palepinkswan and you'd know it from my (lack of) response and my eyes doing the thousand yard stare. I'd be wondering why you're even on a commuter route with small kids at, you know, commuting time.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 23/07/2018 14:07

Hugs DailyMailReadersAreThick. Please don't feel like shit - that mum was being awful to you!

Thank you Flowers

I get that from her perspective I was a fairly young person who took a seat before she could get to it with her vulnerable little girl... and I could have told her I was disabled. But I wish people would not put others in that position!

BottleOfJameson · 23/07/2018 14:32

Why do parents ask people to move for their children? Strange that some parents have to bow down and meet every little demand of their children.

Don't be so grumpy. If you're not in London often it's exciting to get to "drive" the DLR - it used to be a highlight of DC's day when they were 5; I still remember doing it myself at that age - it's a great memory. Most normal people don't mind moving to a different seat so the kids can make memories. I'd also be happy to accommodate an adult if a little effort on my part could make a big difference to them - in fact I once changed tables mid meal because a couple had had their first date at this table and wanted it again for their anniversary. Little effort from me made a big difference to them. It's nice to be nice.

Frazzledmum123 · 23/07/2018 14:39

Jampatsy, no I didn't but you obviously missed the part where she was asked to swap, not stand. She didn't have to of course but I think she was miserable not to

OneForTheRoadThen · 23/07/2018 14:45

Oh for God's sake! When did everyone on Mumsnet become so bloody miserable and pompous - going on about entitlement and cheeky fuckery. He's a child! And no, sitting at the front of the DLR once won't make him grow up to be an entitled 'snowflake' or anything else you've called him.

I live in London and if I was on the DLR and saw a child who looked like they wanted to sit at the front I'd offer my seat. Why not? Some of you are really vile.

amicissimma · 23/07/2018 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alcina · 23/07/2018 14:52

Frazzledmum, the OP didn't say she was asked to swap seats. It was another poster who suggested that ("I think I was on the carriage with you this morning and if so, the mum asked you to swap seats rather than give your seat up and in my opinion ywbu to refuse"), but obviously that could have been an entirely separate incident, not involving the OP at all.

TrudeauGirl · 23/07/2018 14:55

I live in London and if I was on the DLR and saw a child who looked like they wanted to sit at the front I'd offer my seat. Why not? Some of you are really vile.

Looking like they wanted to and throwing a tantrum is different.

Also the OP was in discomfort so she had every right to remain in the seat she'd chosen.

If I wasent in pain, i'd let a polite child go on the front seat, but i'd be less Inclined to do it if the child was throwing a tantrum and the mother had asked me because of it.

Frazzledmum123 · 23/07/2018 14:56

Alcina no maybe it was, but she did say it was filling up, not that there weren't any seats left.

JacquesHammer · 23/07/2018 15:04

Meh. I would have given up the seat. Maybe he was having a tantrum. Maybe it would give the mum a bit of a helping hand. Maybe he’s an entitled little horror and my actions would be condemning him to a life of over-entitled behaviour.

Or maybe doing something kind is just ok.

HellenaHandbasket · 23/07/2018 15:05

I'd happily move if there were alternative seats, I don't think she was unreasonable to ask. If there were no other seats then she was being more unreasonable.

I wouldn't ask myself due to the reactions seen here, but wouldn't object to humouring a small child otherwise.

lovethesethreads · 23/07/2018 15:13

Nope, YANBU! The DC needs to learn that the world does not revolve around him and sometimes we don't get what we want!

Backstabbath · 23/07/2018 15:20

@lovethesethreads

Give it a rest with that argument, it's been done to death.

Hopefully we all teach our children that life comes with disappointments and sometimes we do not get everything we want, but the kid wanted a fucking go at pretending to be train driver for 5 minutes.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 23/07/2018 15:28

I would have given up the seat. Maybe he was having a tantrum. Maybe it would give the mum a bit of a helping hand

That's exactly how I'd think about it. Maybe I'd be helping out a mum having a nightmare day. Maybe she would never usually ask, maybe she hated asking but was stressed and trying to calm an upset child. Maybe it was the last in a long line of straws. Who knows what their story is?

I always try to give the benefit of the doubt and be kind when I can.

As I get older, I realise that the odd act of indulgent kindness is unlikely to condemn a child to a lifetime of being a complete shit.

Swipe left for the next trending thread