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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP hasn’t come home from stag do

148 replies

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:16

He’s just got pissed and stayed at a mates, hasn’t he?
He’s over 40, hardly ever goes out unless it’s for a meal with me or the family. The stag do was basically a local pub crawl with 18 men last night.
We have 3 dc including my ds15 and our 2 ds together ds2 & ds4.
We’ve been together 12 years.
I texted him to ask where he was at 4am and got no reply, it’s now after 7 and still nothing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be worried? Surely one of his mates would let me know if he got hurt or something?
I’ve texted him again and am waiting.
I feel quite relaxed and don’t think he could be hurt. It’s just I’m not used to him not coming home and not telling me where he is.
AIBU to think everything is fine?

OP posts:

THEsonofaBITCH · 22/07/2018 10:15

Brie, glad he made it home safe and sound. You sound like a great couple, enjoy each other and laugh about the occasional goof, especially since he is clearly apologetic and respectful of you and knows what he put you through.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 22/07/2018 10:16

I know he’s said sorry but you must tell him how worried and upset you were. He also needs to know that your DS was anxious and you needed to lie to him as you didn’t know what was happening. He needs to accept responsibility for putting you through unnecessary stress.

I’m happy to be married to someone who is teetotal because I just don’t understand why people need to get drunk to have a good time. I expect I’ll be told that I’m a miserable old bag, but alcohol seems to cause so many problems that I would like to to become as socially unacceptable as smoking.

Magicstar1 · 22/07/2018 10:21

It sounds like a one off. My doh was at a whiskey tasting day and actually fell asleep standing in the street...luckily a friend of his was walking by and brought him home.
You’ve got the right attitude op...he sounds like a good one

Jghijjjoo · 22/07/2018 10:35

Laugh with him at this one but make it clear that you'd be most upset if he doesn't contact you in the future, so it's drummed into him "must contact wifey tonight". This lack of contact is a one off only.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 22/07/2018 10:37

Glad he's home suitably shamefaced . Obviously he doesn't need to be hauled over hot coals for this but it is amazing how it's nearly always men who do this.

I was a right twat a year or so before having dc and did this a couple of times to dh. But NEVER once I had dc. It's just a different mentality, surely?

timeisnotaline · 22/07/2018 10:43

Undercoverbanana a Mum should absolutely be able to go out and sleep in, not have to be up at 6 because she has dc.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2018 11:05

Glad he's home. Wouldn't bother me if DH stayed out but it would bother me if he hadn't text to let me know.

I worry more about my teens going out drinking now, than DH.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2018 11:06

DH has never had an issue with me going out … that shouldn't change just because you're a mum!!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 22/07/2018 11:11

Good that he is home and apologising but HWBU to organise going to a stag do and a family bbq back to back!

adoggymama · 22/07/2018 11:15

@Brieonabagel Personally I would be incredibly annoyed- as I know my partner would be with me too if I was the one that had stayed out all night and morning with no contact.

I think getting so wasted you can't even make a coherent phone call to your wife who is single handedly caring for all your children so you can go out and get pissed is very unreasonable. Hope you're doing okay OP

The first thing that came to mind though when reading this post was that he had slept with someone else.

adoggymama · 22/07/2018 11:17

@Undercoverbanana totally agree! Women get cut no slack. Can imagine if it was the other way round he would be giving her a load of shit when she got in!

InsomniacAnonymous · 22/07/2018 11:27

I've only just seen this thread so am so pleased there's a happy ending.

villageshop · 22/07/2018 11:31

So glad he's home, OP. I had to skip to the end of the thread to make sure all was well. Have a lovely day.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 22/07/2018 11:33

Tbf, I probably go out more than DH does. (although that is still maybe only once every 6 months)

And I absolutely roll in at 3-4am, get left in bed till 11 am, then my Dh wakes me up (and my friend if she stayed over) with a bacon sandwich.

He has never given me shit. Well, he may shake his head at me a bit if I wake him up coming in but that is it.

None of this "women get cut no slack and have to be up at 6am" If that is the case, you are married to a dickhead, who is a dickhead all the time. Not just when you go out.

I missed a family christening once as I was so hungover. Got in 6am that time. But there were extenuating circumstances for why I was out with my friend then.

TemptressofWaikiki · 22/07/2018 12:15

If he hadn't got back by now, I would have had him declared dead and start a profile on OLD site...

VickyEadie · 22/07/2018 12:26

My ex-H once came in so rat-arsed that he threw up all over the bathroom. And went to bed leaving it all for me to find the next morning.

He certainly never did it again...

Excited0803 · 22/07/2018 12:38

Glad to hear he's home and had fun. Hope you have a good time at the BBQ!

NewYearNewMe18 · 22/07/2018 12:42

Some of you must be in odd relationships. There's certainly never been any control over me if I want to go out. No double standards in this relationship whatsoever.

But not to put too fine a point on it, DH is just as capable of parenting as I am, neither of us need the other in attendance.

FuckMyUterus · 22/07/2018 13:15

I agree bears as if it's another man's fault that they're married to controlling bellends!
Within reason, both parties of a relationship should be free to come and go as they please, although yes, they should keep their partner informed. If my partner stayed out all night, I'd tell him sternly that he could buy me a Chinese to make up for the worrying I'd done and it'd be my.choice of evening TV, and apart from that, no more would be said!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/07/2018 15:56

I'm glad he's back safe. 😀

MrsMozart · 22/07/2018 18:07

Good that he's back and that he's suitably apologetic. Did you get to the BBQ?

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 20:00

@MrsMozart I took the kids to the BBQ and he stayed home. Definitely for the best as he wasn’t fit for anything.

@adoggymama him sleeping with someone else was the furthest thing from my mind. If anything I was worried there might have been some trouble in one of the pubs and he’d somehow got involved.

OP posts:

MrsMozart · 22/07/2018 20:15

Glad you got out and hopefully had a good time lass

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