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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP hasn’t come home from stag do

148 replies

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:16

He’s just got pissed and stayed at a mates, hasn’t he?
He’s over 40, hardly ever goes out unless it’s for a meal with me or the family. The stag do was basically a local pub crawl with 18 men last night.
We have 3 dc including my ds15 and our 2 ds together ds2 & ds4.
We’ve been together 12 years.
I texted him to ask where he was at 4am and got no reply, it’s now after 7 and still nothing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be worried? Surely one of his mates would let me know if he got hurt or something?
I’ve texted him again and am waiting.
I feel quite relaxed and don’t think he could be hurt. It’s just I’m not used to him not coming home and not telling me where he is.
AIBU to think everything is fine?

OP posts:

Devilishpyjamas · 22/07/2018 09:23

Has he phoned? I’d be pissed off by now.

Laiste · 22/07/2018 09:28

I think it's usual for first contact to be at around 11am in these circ.s OP.

I think i remember one where the DH finally rang home at 2 in the afternoon.

Bloody annoying, because as much as you can doggedly get on with 'having a lovely day' without him, it isn't lovely at all having low level worry nagging at the back of your mind

LyndseyKola · 22/07/2018 09:28

I wouldn’t give him a hard time when he’s back in a nasty way (and i’m seriously concerned for all of these people in relationships where it’s somehow okay to cause harm to someone for disappointing/worrying you :S wtf) but I’d make it clear once the hangover has passed that it’s completely out of order. When you’re in a committed relationship living together, let alone parents, you simply don’t just go out and not bother coming home without letting your partner know. Who would tolerate that?

DannyWallace · 22/07/2018 09:30

My DH almost never goes out either (doesn't drink) and TBH I would be fine with him staying out.
However, it's getting to the point now that I'd be expecting to hear from him....hope he's in contact soon OP

FuckMyUterus · 22/07/2018 09:33

OP hope he comes back soon with a raging hangover :)
On a separate point, why do some women on mumsnet insist on treating their partners and husbands like fucking children? Talking about punishments and giving a grown adult a hard time for his actions?!
All a situation like this needs as a one off, is a simple 'please don't make me worry like that again, I was genuinely concerned for you', maybe a little guilt trip sad face. Honestly, if my partner tried punishing me for something that happened once in a blue moon, I'd tell him to get to fuck.

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 09:33

He’s home! He called me back as soon as he came round woke up on a mates armchair. He then got a taxi straight home. He’s currently sat eating toast and drinking tea whilst recounting the events of last night.
They all had a good time it seems!

OP posts:

Fivelittleduckies · 22/07/2018 09:37

Oh good! I’m quite the worry wort myself so glad to hear that all is well and he had a good time

BirthdayKake · 22/07/2018 09:38

Aww you sound like a good wife Brie!

RJnomore1 · 22/07/2018 09:39

Ah sounds like he might even be capable of the day!

I know some people think it's a cardinal sin but as a very rare occasion nodding off in a friends chair after a few too many isn't really awful.

Hope you have a good day Brie.

Laiste · 22/07/2018 09:39

Ah! :)

An hour and a half sooner than average. Good going :)

FuckMyUterus · 22/07/2018 09:41

That's brilliant, sounds like you have a good one there! Hope he had a good time, and tell him he owes you a big bar of chocolate or similar for the worry ;)

Undercoverbanana · 22/07/2018 09:42

Glad he’s ok.

Bloody men. Can you imagine if a woman did this?

If a woman isn’t up with her DCs at 6am she’s a shit mother. Can you imagine if she was out all night without telling anyone and rolled home at 9 in the morning?

Double standards much.

PrivateDoor · 22/07/2018 09:43

Glad all is ok!

SerenDippitty · 22/07/2018 09:44

All’s well that ends well!

Secretsquirrel101 · 22/07/2018 09:47

Sounds like he had a good night! do we ever really grow up? 😂

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 09:50

He’s just told me he was walking home with his friend and his friend insisted he came into his house and stay there. (Apparently his friend did suggest he phoned me but dp doesn’t remember) He would have been walking for about another half an hour alone if he hadn’t gone in with his friend and says he can’t remember anything after getting in his friends door. So I’m actually really glad he didn’t try walking the rest of the way alone!

OP posts:

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 09:52

@FuckMyUterus oooh yes, I’ll be thinking up some appropriate compensation

OP posts:

MissusGeneHunt · 22/07/2018 09:52

Has he actually said sorry for worrying you? Think that's required!

specialsubject · 22/07/2018 09:53

good news. Just been reading again about the poor woman whose partner was one of the many drunks who are found days later in the Severn so glad all is well. and he has a good mate too.

bit tragic everyone accepts the shit phones that die in hours, though - and had he been conscious he could of course have used someone else's.

Slartybartfast · 22/07/2018 09:56

what story is tht @specialsubject?

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 10:05

@MissusGeneHunt yes, he must have said sorry about one hundred times so far

OP posts:

TheEternalForever · 22/07/2018 10:06

I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine - him and his mates got more than hammered last night and they all staggered off to the nearest person's house to sleep it off. They'll all be lying on sofas/the floor clutching their heads in their sleep.

I know it's not completely the same, but when I first went to uni my mum asked me to text her each night when I got home. I'd never lived in a big city or away from home before, and she works herself up a bit watching those police shows on TV. One night I went out dancing, got completely battered and slept over at a friend's house. Completely forgot to text, didn't have my phone charger and my battery died. The next day we got up late and went to the theatre. I got back to my halls that afternoon to find a note under my door from the uni security. Apparently my mum had freaked out when I hadn't text or responded to her attempts to contact me the next day, and had gone so far as to find the contact info for the uni security and send them round to my flat to see if I was there. They spoke to the one flatmate I hadn't seen in a while who said she didn't know where I was and for all she knew I hadn't been home in a week, and then called my mum to ask her if it was possible I'd just found someone to cop off with while I was out

My point is I'm sure your DP will be fine, he'll feel very guilty for causing you so much worry and he'll probably never forget to let you know he's okay again! I certainly take my phone charger everywhere with me now

TheEternalForever · 22/07/2018 10:07

Oh - I should've FTFT before I posted. Glad he's back and had a great time!

Original poster

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 10:08

@specialsubject his phone battery was almost full, he just passed out fell asleep and didn’t call!

OP posts:

honeyishrunkthekid · 22/07/2018 10:13

I love a happy ending :) handled perfectly by you OP and a lovely DH it seems

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