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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP hasn’t come home from stag do

148 replies

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:16

He’s just got pissed and stayed at a mates, hasn’t he?
He’s over 40, hardly ever goes out unless it’s for a meal with me or the family. The stag do was basically a local pub crawl with 18 men last night.
We have 3 dc including my ds15 and our 2 ds together ds2 & ds4.
We’ve been together 12 years.
I texted him to ask where he was at 4am and got no reply, it’s now after 7 and still nothing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be worried? Surely one of his mates would let me know if he got hurt or something?
I’ve texted him again and am waiting.
I feel quite relaxed and don’t think he could be hurt. It’s just I’m not used to him not coming home and not telling me where he is.
AIBU to think everything is fine?

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 22/07/2018 08:06

I'd say worst case scenario, he's lost the phone but will contact once he wakes up and cops that.

Ginger1982 · 22/07/2018 08:07

If he misses the BBQ though I would be very annoyed!

Deathraystare · 22/07/2018 08:07

My gut instinct is that he’s okay but ds4 wants to know where daddy is!

Daddy can explain when he gets back. He can also explain why no text to tell you he was staying over.

Imagine if you left him with the kids for a night out and did not come back that night. No explanation!!! He would have a few things to say alright then.

Grobagsforever · 22/07/2018 08:08

I'd give it til 10 then start contacting ppl that check.

Coco2891 · 22/07/2018 08:22

My husband hardly goes out either but did last night and came home 4:30! I'm pissed off coz the kids (3&4) want to go swimming and he's in bed with a stinking hangover 😠

DaphneDiligaf · 22/07/2018 08:27

I don't think you need punish him, anything you could do or say will pale into insignificance compared to his hangover! That's not to say you tiptoe round him and obviously you need to hoover and crash about a bit.

WindyWednesday · 22/07/2018 08:33

I’m sure he will turn up soon. Stinking of a brewery and tired.

He will be asleep somewhere. Leave him to wake up, sober up and get a shower.

gandalf456 · 22/07/2018 08:33

Enter Sandman, Metallica. Put it on when he gets home

sagasleathertrousers · 22/07/2018 08:33

Probably lost his phone or run out of battery!

flumpybear · 22/07/2018 08:33

Yes probably sleeping it off on someone's sofa! Wink

Attic14 · 22/07/2018 08:35

I’d do the same as grobags

user838383 · 22/07/2018 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkAvocado · 22/07/2018 08:37

Everyone here is a lot more reasonable than me. I’d be worried (I’m a worried anyway) and annoyed that he hadn’t let me know or got so out of control he couldn’t. Going out and staying out wouldn’t be the issue. Hope you hear from him soon.

asri · 22/07/2018 08:41

It is funny how women don't seem to do this as much. They don't have a default carer looking after the kids and home of course.

Hope you hear from him soon OP. Have a good afternoon just you and the kids!

Dogstar78 · 22/07/2018 08:42

When my other half stays put it is nice to have the bed and to be honest he never comes to family stuff so that wouldn't bother me. I would be worried if he didn't answer his phone at 4am simply as I would imagine he is still up drinking. Sometimes I am thoughtless and just put myself first. So when he does it is cool. We have busy pressured lives and it is nice to just let loose. He'll be totally fine. Tell the little one Daddy stayed at a friend's house and he'll be back later.

EdWinchester · 22/07/2018 08:42

Yes, a version of this thread pops up on here regularly and the missing bloke always turns up.

You’re being very level headed OP. I’m prone to thinking the absolute worst and I’d be really furious too.

Coco2891 · 22/07/2018 08:43

boopsy I agree , why do *some men never feel as responsible for the kids/home as women do. I think it's selfish

JacquesHammer · 22/07/2018 08:43

Ugh. Can’t bear thoughtless behaviour.

Don’t let him check out of family plans; why should he?

I’m sure he’ll be ok and sleeping it off on someone’s Sofa. It’s dickish behaviour

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 22/07/2018 08:43

I would be 3% worried but 97% sure that he was sleeping it off face down on a grotty sofa somewhere, drooling slightly and emitting beer fumes. He probably won't be his most desirable self when he drags himself red-eyed through the door, either.

Rocinante1 · 22/07/2018 08:43

I would be worrying. His friends wouldn't necessarily know of something bad had happened. How many times so you see on the news that someone left their friends at 2am to get a taxi, but then never made it home. The friends just assume they've made it home fine and don't know anything till a worried partner calls them in the morning.

There's only the tiniest chance that something has happened, but that's where my head would go if they absolutely do not normally behave that way. I'd have been texting round the friends he was out with by now and if no news by 9/9.30 then I'd call the police. Although not sure how they'd be able to find him!

MrsMozart · 22/07/2018 08:45

I'd be mildly concerned. Miffed that he hadn't sent a trxt to say he was staying over (what he'd ecpect from me), but overall mainly annoyed about him not being fit for the bbq.

I reckon as a PP said (sorry, can't remember name), he'll rock up sometime after eleven.

Celticlassie · 22/07/2018 08:45

would hope he wouldn’t want to ‘punish’ me if I did similar.

This, OP, is one of the most sensible things I've read on MN!!

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 22/07/2018 08:46

Of course women do it! I've been known to do it myself once or twice. I stayed out all night (at the casino until 6.30am then crashes at my mate's flat) but I did text him to tell him (at 6.30). He even came and picked me up from my mates at 8.30am!

I could tell he wasn't happy but he's quite laid back so didn't give me a hard time.

HopefullyAnonymous · 22/07/2018 08:47

I’d be worried by now, particularly if this has never happened before. I’d be contacting friends at this point.

KateGrey · 22/07/2018 08:48

Oh god, he’s probably going to be quite hung over. Very thoughtless but he was probably smashed.