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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP hasn’t come home from stag do

148 replies

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:16

He’s just got pissed and stayed at a mates, hasn’t he?
He’s over 40, hardly ever goes out unless it’s for a meal with me or the family. The stag do was basically a local pub crawl with 18 men last night.
We have 3 dc including my ds15 and our 2 ds together ds2 & ds4.
We’ve been together 12 years.
I texted him to ask where he was at 4am and got no reply, it’s now after 7 and still nothing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be worried? Surely one of his mates would let me know if he got hurt or something?
I’ve texted him again and am waiting.
I feel quite relaxed and don’t think he could be hurt. It’s just I’m not used to him not coming home and not telling me where he is.
AIBU to think everything is fine?

OP posts:

PaulRuddislush · 22/07/2018 08:48

I'd be really worried and wouldn't relax until I knew he was ok. I don't think there's any harm in trying to find out he's ok. If I was the bride in this situation I'd be happy if I could put your mind at rest

Coco2891 · 22/07/2018 08:49

Illhavealargeglassofred - would you do that with 2 small children at home though?

adaline · 22/07/2018 08:53

This is selfish behaviour and it frustrates me when people defend it and say "well, it's not all the time/he just got drunk and fell asleep somewhere/his phone died".

He's a parent and has a four year old child at home. If he wants to go out all night and not return until late the next morning, he needs to clear it with his child's other parent first. Not just assume that his wife is happy to give up her Sunday morning while he sleeps off his hangover.

I'm sure he's absolutely fine but that doesn't mean his behaviour is okay. When you're a parent you need to consider your partner and child - he was supposed to be home and he as a 4yo he's responsible for. Why on earth is it okay for him to go out all night and not be home for his child without prior agreement?

JacquesHammer · 22/07/2018 08:54

Great post adaline

mn101 · 22/07/2018 08:56

I'd be thinking all sorts of things by now !!! I'd definitely be worried and fuming !!

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 22/07/2018 08:57

Probably not Coco. And probably not if I knew we had something on the following day.

I'm not sure though if it's always pure selfishness on the mans part. Stupidity - yes.

ballstoit · 22/07/2018 08:57

I'd give it til 10 and maybe look to contact the bride then. DH has only done this once, very similar circumstances (we have also got old ). His phone battery had died, slept on a friend's sofa and it took him til 10 to wake up and be sober enough to think that I'd be worried.

As I've also been a little worse for wear or occasion and DH has also been kind to me when I have (removed my shoes and tucked me into bed with water and a bucket ), I also treated him with kindness. He's generally a kind, thoughtful husband and I try (mostly) to be the same kind of wife.

Ex-DH is a whole different kettle of fish but luckily for the op it sounds like her DH is not!

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 22/07/2018 08:58

But if this is such a rare occurrence I'd be inclined to let it go. Especially today. Maybe give him a hard time tomorrow and let him know you're not happy.

And don't force him to join the activities if he's hungover. That won't make anyone happy.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 22/07/2018 08:59

Can you contact his friends?

I’d be worrying too, even though he is likely at a friends with a dead phone battery.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/07/2018 09:01

He's fine.

timeisnotaline · 22/07/2018 09:02

It’s a one off, I’d forgive. But I couldnt help being a bit worried so would tell him off! I could totally see it happening to me as a lightweight if I hadn’t been out in a year - he knows the op is there so doesn’t have to be stone cold sober at 6am, and it’s 1 beer, 2, 3 beers oops 10. When I first went out after having dc I was paranoid about getting a hangover (I’m practicalh allergic and if I drink too much will start vomiting the day after and keep going all day -could still be in bed dinner time. It’s never a crazy amount of alcohol) given I had a 9mo. Even knowing that was NOT an option and I had to be on the train home I had a sore head at 6am...

numptynuts · 22/07/2018 09:07

I hope he's ok. I'd be very worried but it would turn to anger once I knew he was ok. He might be sleeping it off but what about how you're feeling?

MissusGeneHunt · 22/07/2018 09:09

I'd be as nice as pie (through gritted teeth) when he tips up, but mentally notching up the favours he owes you!!! Hope he's OK, sure he is, but it's nobbish behaviour....

peppersprayfirstapologiselater · 22/07/2018 09:10

I'd be very worried at this point!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 22/07/2018 09:13

Has he turned up yet?

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2018 09:13

He’s 99% sure to be fine. I understand why you’re concerned. Do try to get on with your day.

Notsureibelieveyou · 22/07/2018 09:14

Does he have whatsapp? It will tell you when he was last online. And if he has read your message or not.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 22/07/2018 09:17

I would be a little bit worried if it was my DH as it would be out of character (and I am a worrier anyway). Can you get in touch with anyone else in the group just to check where he is?

I would also plan to be out today, maybe arrange something nice with the kids for a few hours. Spending the day at home with a hungover DH is not my idea of a pleasant Sunday.

havingiraffe · 22/07/2018 09:18

My neighbours husband rarely went out drinking, on one occasion he had too much, made it home but lost his keys and phone somewhere. He didn't want to wake the house up by ringing doorbell so slept in the greenhouse. He passed out and the wife found him snoring away with a bag of compost for a pillow! OP if you have any sheds or a greenhouse maybe check those!!

BlueJava · 22/07/2018 09:18

You say he doesn't go out often, so probably he's overdone it not realising he can't drink like a fish anymore. He'll be back later. Meanwhile go out with kids and forget about him!

OnlyBaBaBiss · 22/07/2018 09:18

He’ll be back soon with his tail in between his legs telling you he can’t handle his beer like he used to

And I wouldn’t do any of these silly punishment things either just because he fucked up a little bit - the hangover will likely be enough
When I’ve gone out and miscalculated how much I can handle DP has always undressed me/put me to bed/cleaned up any sick, whatever needed doing, basically just took care of me and I try to do the same (I can’t clean up sick though, makes me sick too, but I generally go and get a McDonald’s breakfast for him) because we’re partners and care about each other and don’t expect each other to be perfect all the time

Trialsmum · 22/07/2018 09:18

Is he back yet?

WonkyWay · 22/07/2018 09:20

I wouldn't be at all worried and I wouldn't be pissed off. I guess I'm a 'cool' wife after all 😂. I wouldn't dream of telling him off or punishing him. I'd hate that type of dynamic in a relationship. I'd feel like a parent scolding a teen.

I'd get pissed off if he didn't contact me before the BBQ though.

I'd hope he had a good time!

Obviously I wouldn't like it if he did it often or if he stopped you from doing the same.

Cheerbear23 · 22/07/2018 09:21

Text or FB message one of his mates to see if you can get an idea of what’s gone on. I wouldn’t text the bride tbh.
I do think this steaming drunk crashed out sinewhere.

noselimit · 22/07/2018 09:21

He is probably fine, just drunk and crashed out.

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