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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP hasn’t come home from stag do

148 replies

Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:16

He’s just got pissed and stayed at a mates, hasn’t he?
He’s over 40, hardly ever goes out unless it’s for a meal with me or the family. The stag do was basically a local pub crawl with 18 men last night.
We have 3 dc including my ds15 and our 2 ds together ds2 & ds4.
We’ve been together 12 years.
I texted him to ask where he was at 4am and got no reply, it’s now after 7 and still nothing.
I don’t know what to do. Should I be worried? Surely one of his mates would let me know if he got hurt or something?
I’ve texted him again and am waiting.
I feel quite relaxed and don’t think he could be hurt. It’s just I’m not used to him not coming home and not telling me where he is.
AIBU to think everything is fine?

OP posts:
Original poster
Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:44

@speakout

*Also leave a pile of cutlery underneath the base sheet of the bed.

*that made me giggle Grin

We have plans! We’re supposed to go to a family BBQ this afternoon, looks like I’m taking the kids and leaving him here to sleep it off!
Hopefully he’ll at least be home by then.
Seriously, what time do I start actually worrying?

OP posts:
Gottokondo · 22/07/2018 07:44

He got really drunk and his mate dave let him crash at his place to sleep it off. Dave is drunk too and didn't think of calling you. Wait till they wake up with a hangover.

thedancingbear · 22/07/2018 07:45

Also leave a pile of cutlery underneath the base sheet of the bed.

I think this is a great idea, provided you don't mind you DH assaulting you when you've done something wrong.

For fuck's sake.

jarhead123 · 22/07/2018 07:46

I'd be worried too. I hate this feeling, where you know they're probably OK but still it's niggling at you.

I agree with others, probably asleep somewhere but I'd be annoyed too for not letting me know. Hope he is back soon xx

Original poster
Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 07:46

@Candyflip we just tend to go out more together, and usually for meals rather than drinking, unsure why. I think maybe we’ve got old Confused

OP posts:
Candyflip · 22/07/2018 07:47

Over 40 is not old! Live a little OP! Maybe you deserve a huge night out next weekend as he had his tonight?

Bibesia · 22/07/2018 07:47

Do you know the partners of any of his mates? It might be worth a quick check with them.

TrudeauGirl · 22/07/2018 07:48

I think this is a great idea, provided you don't mind you DH assaulting you when you've done something wrong.

Exactly if the genders were reversed and people were saying "Leave cutlery under her sheet Or "Text her to let her know ypu expect her too have hoovered and made dinner" There would be uproar.

Honestly it's a one off, not need for any of that. (This is not directed at you OP)

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 22/07/2018 07:49

Nice to see some sensible responses on this type of thread for a change. Normally it's filled with "LTB - he's obviously been shagging the stripper"!

Of course he's overdone it and crashed out on a mates sofa! Why do they do these things? Grin

TrudeauGirl · 22/07/2018 07:49

Sorry for all the typos in that post Blush

NC4Now · 22/07/2018 07:49

Sounds like a one-off keeping up with the lads. I’m sure he’ll turn up with his tail between his legs.
Just tell DS that he went to a party and stayed over.

RJnomore1 · 22/07/2018 07:50

We are the same Brie.

We do have and spend time with friends at the gym, football matches whatever but a big night out drinking is a rare thing now.

I'd wait til 10.30/11 and maybe try Facebook or twitter to see if I could message one of the guys who was going.

CharltonLido73 · 22/07/2018 07:50

I'd be both worried and angry by now. He really should have flagged up in advance that he might be staying out all night. There's no excuse for such thoughtless behaviour in a grown man.

I hope he gets in touch soon to allay your worries, OP.

cricketmum84 · 22/07/2018 07:52

I would be pretty angry and worried by now too. Getting trashed and not coming home isn't really a big thing as a youngster but at 40 with a wife and 4 kids at home? Just plain irresponsible. I would be roasting him for not being in touch when he gets home, dinner would be in the dog Grin

wellBeehivedWoman · 22/07/2018 07:56

If something had gone wrong you would absolutely have been told already - it's still quite early, I am sure he will be on a mate's sofa and both him and the mate still asleep. It's not at all surprising that you are worried and annoyed (I would be too!) but I'm sure he is fine and will be waking up guilt-ridden soon!

Snowysky20009 · 22/07/2018 07:57

They were probably still drinking at 6am! Seriously I'd give him to at least 1pm. Bet he has a raging hangover today!

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 22/07/2018 07:57

I'm sure he's sleeping it off on one of his mates sofas. Hopefully he'll be in touch soon.

twiglet · 22/07/2018 07:58

He will still be asleep on the floor/sofa/spare bedroom of his friend's place.
Yes it's unusual for him but if he doesn't usually go out you can garentee that he wouldn't of been in a state to get home and probably his mates wanted to avoid getting in trouble with you so went for the easier option!
I doubt he will rise before 11....and then he will have a killer hangover. Just have a good day with the family let him know when you are leaving and ask if he's still alive and roughly what time he will be back.
When you get back encourage your DC to jump all over him on the journey back.........

Original poster
Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 08:00

I’m only feeling slightly worried, my gut says he’s passed out on a sofa somewhere and will be mortified when he wakes up.

I’ve told ds4 he’s on a sleepover and he seems content with that.

I’m reluctant to be too mad at him as he’s normally very good at keeping in touch. I’d love to leave the note requesting he does housework/dinner but then I feel like that’s a punishment and I would hope he wouldn’t want to ‘punish’ me if I did similar. Indeed, I’m thinking a night out of my own is in order Grin if I could stay awake

OP posts:
THEsonofaBITCH · 22/07/2018 08:00

sheesh, I bet he got trashed with mates, told stories about how wonderful his DW and DC are, kept on drinking and was too intoxicated to text or call. He will wake approximately 3 hours past his normal time and have a raging headache and will take an hour to get stable and then get his ass home. So if he normally wakes at 7 he will be waking around 10 today. There is a lot of pent up anger with people on here - I don't think you should be angry or annoyed (or worried yet). As you said he doesn't normally go out, loves his family and went on a pub crawl. All of this seems very reasonable given it all together. If this was normal behaviour then I would say LTB! Grin

Original poster
Brieonabagel · 22/07/2018 08:02

@Lethaldrizzle I texted him at 4 because I woke up and realised he wasn’t back yet.

OP posts:
lizzybennett1926 · 22/07/2018 08:03

I hope he's ok. I wouldn't be angry either, you've said it's rare, a one off, he's just made a misjudgement. Hopefully he's sleeping at a mates and will call, you embarrassed and apologetic soon.

TheyCanGoInTheBucket · 22/07/2018 08:05

I wouldn't be worried until late afternoon, it would take him that long to sleep it off.

I also wouldn't punish him. I'd be annoyed about the lack of text to say he was staying out but it happens, he's human.

Like you say, go to the BBQ and then plan your own night out Grin

He will turn up

Ginger1982 · 22/07/2018 08:06

He will be sleeping it off but he's being very inconsiderate. My DH was away for work a month ago. They went out one night and I didn't hear from him. I was annoyed. Took until 11am the next morning for him to contact me. I told him that seeing as I hadn't heard from him since the morning they went out all I would have needed was a quick text saying 'night' and one saying, 'morning' and I would have been happy. As it was he got up and went to work the next day without bothering to contact me until later. I knew he was ok but it was more the inconsideration. I was at home with DS to facilitate him being able to go away and enjoy himself socialising at night for a week. He did apologise the next day though.

It seems to be a man thing. I would never go out and a) get that drunk anymore and b) not keep in touch.

Excited0803 · 22/07/2018 08:06

His friends would have found a way to contact you if there was anything serious, but his phone battery will have died by now. He'll be sleeping on a floor or sofa, I'd say call the bride-to-be if you don't hear from him by 10.30/11am. Unless she's a very close friend, in which case I would probably text and ask now if she knows what floor he is sleeping on to just reassure you that he's ok.