DH doesn’t respect me

[Mummytowooter]

DH likes to go out with work friends every now and again. I have no problem with that but...
He always comes home in a state!
In addition he’s the boss and I really think he should ensure he maintains his professionalism!
When he comes home he;

1. Absolutely reeks of alcohol
2. Usually wakes DD (she’s 5)
3. Vomits loudly (sonic she isn’t awake at this point she now will be)
4. He’s such a state with a hangover the next day he cannot function and as a family we literally lose the entire day!
5. He knows my mum was an alcoholic when I was very young and I struggle when he’s in a state as it brings back horrific memories for me (the smell triggers something in me)

I admit in the past I’ve had issues with jealously following him kissing another woman and i’ve worked really hard on myself to move past it. I do trust him so that’s not an issue. He has asked me previously not to bug him while he’s out-just a text here or there and I’m ok with that but still communication on his part is non-existent. It’s 23:21pm and I still don’t know what time he intends on getting home! He said he would call “in a minute” and that was an hour ago!!! I need to know AIBU?

mn is collectively happy to spread its legs for drunks ' as long as it doesnt happen too often'. the op has higher standards, good for her.

normal people can have alcohol without getting into this filthy state.

sorry for you,op . tell him to choose - getting disgusting or having a marriage.

To be fair, before you give him that choice OP, have a long hard think about whether you want to spend your life with him. He sounds like a sleaze.

See all you fuckers on here berating the OP and telling her she is being controlling... piss off.
You've clearly not experienced the anxiety associated with the situation she describes.
Her DH at 40 has a proven track record that demonstrates his inability to drink responsibly.
She has to live with the fear that he may come into danger when he is out of control. Danger that could have a lasting impact and affect their family unit's safety and security.

She would be having these fears regardless of her history with her mother.

OP I completely get where you are coming from. I could have written your post!

I have recorded my husband when he's been pissed simply because he couldn't comprehend how his behaviour wasn't acceptable. He had to see it to believe it!

Thank you so much for understanding it means so much. I know I have traits that make me a bit nutty at times. I’m working on that. My husband is a good husband and father but when he has a drink (which is every few months) he is out of control and I do worry (massively!). It causes me horrendous anxiety because I’m partly waiting up for DH and partly ensuring I’m awake if something happens. X

Your DH is a problem drinker. Just because our society has quite a lot of problem drinkers doesn't mean that he isn't one. It just means that our society has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Going for a night out, and having a few drinks, no problem. Going out for a few drinks, no problem. Deliberately going out to get paralytic drunk? Problem drinking. Depressingly common, but still problem drinking. If it were any other drug, everyone would be appalled.

He is showing you a total lack of respect op, and a total lack of basic kindness.
Ignore all the drunken male apologists on here. His behaviour is vile, barely excusable in a 18 year old let alone a 40 year old.

You have reasonable standards of how an adult and a parent should behave, and he is not meeting them. I would seriously think about whether you want to stay with someone who just refuses to take your feelings into account.

He and I will be sitting down after dd has gone to bed. X

BastardKitty, recovery position is standard advice for safe management of any intoxicated person

Unbeknownst to me op is a nurse.That was disclosed after my advice
I’m not advising she set up a IV fluids, simply position him to maintain safety.

It’s the right thing to do

@Mummytowooter how did your discussion go with your dh?

It was ok still much to talk about because dd woke up from noisy neighbours