DH doesn’t respect me

[Mummytowooter]

DH likes to go out with work friends every now and again. I have no problem with that but...
He always comes home in a state!
In addition he’s the boss and I really think he should ensure he maintains his professionalism!
When he comes home he;

1. Absolutely reeks of alcohol
2. Usually wakes DD (she’s 5)
3. Vomits loudly (sonic she isn’t awake at this point she now will be)
4. He’s such a state with a hangover the next day he cannot function and as a family we literally lose the entire day!
5. He knows my mum was an alcoholic when I was very young and I struggle when he’s in a state as it brings back horrific memories for me (the smell triggers something in me)

I admit in the past I’ve had issues with jealously following him kissing another woman and i’ve worked really hard on myself to move past it. I do trust him so that’s not an issue. He has asked me previously not to bug him while he’s out-just a text here or there and I’m ok with that but still communication on his part is non-existent. It’s 23:21pm and I still don’t know what time he intends on getting home! He said he would call “in a minute” and that was an hour ago!!! I need to know AIBU?

"I admit in the past I’ve had issues with jealously following him kissing another woman and i’ve worked really hard on myself to move past it"

I think you are doing too much work in this!

Can i ask how often it is. If it is like once a month could he get a cheap hotel room and stay out all night? If it is weekly then I think it is too much.

It's really up to you if you can cope.

Could he just go out, and come home, no texts etc and no where are you etc, or would you simply worry about him?

I’m a nurse. Worked in A&E before so it’s one of my specialties

You know the drill then
Recovery position,analgesia,hydration

I worry lots. It’s every few months.

You're being a doormat he's a pisshead you don't trust him yet on a normal day he's perfect have you any self respect.

Very true about getting no sense out of him if he’s drunk, and yes keep him safe.
Recovery position, analgesia, hydration AND a bloody good talking to tomorrow about how you feel, your concerns and how you’d actually like to spend your weekend with DD and him

Will do! 👍🏻

And no on a normal day I’m not a doormat and I’m not one now. Looking for support not a put down

Harsh much eleven?

I'd stay up and find out what time he actually gets in, he's only going to wake you if he comes in as shit faced as you say he does. If he's blind drunk/ falling asleep naked on your bathroom floor I'd film/ photograph him so tomorrow, when you get up nice and early, making lots of noise like he does when he gets in you can show him how unacceptable his behaviour is and don't accept his hangover as an excuse that you & DD miss out on family time, he's way too old to be acting like a student still.

I think there’s a few of us staying up to find out what time he comes in!

Sammy why would someone film their partner to humiliate them,that’s awful
If a woman posted her dp filmed her intoxicated,and used it to berate her there’d be uproar

Aint not harsh honest, my sympathy is with the DD who has no choice.

Point taken Eleven

Lipstick I don’t think the idea was to post it, just to let him see what a state he was in

He’s walked home. He’s nearly her and yes I lost my shit with him on the phone. I woke DD and that’s on me. I’m getting her back to bed and she’s fine. I’m calm now I’m with her but I’m fuming with him 😡

Is he in yet?

This is a shitty shitty night

I know she wasn’t talking posting it,but filming someone without their consent to obtain collateral to berate them with, just no
And as I said if a woman posted her dp filmed her intoxicated mn would be outraged

X-post, sorry

Lipstick I'm not saying to upload it but maybe he needs to see what a state he's in after these nights out and how unreasonable he's being, he should be embarrassed when he's waking their DD up and upsetting OP who has tried to address this issue before and it's fallen on deaf ears.

I don't think people realise just how horrible it's to be around drunk people if you have this sort of background- the knots in your stomach and everything.

Does your husband actually get it? Could you describe it in technicolour detail when you're both calm?

There will be no filming. The hangover will be punishment enough in the morning I expect

Sammy you don’t film intoxicated partner without consent,irrespective of point one is trying to make

mummy contain your fury! You must have been raging to wake DD!
There is no point getting angry with him.
Take the higher ground (he won’t notice that either)
Try to stay calm anything you say tonight will be a waste of breath

Seeing my mum drunk when I was little really affected me. When I smell it on DH especially after he’s been sick it really gets to me. I can’t even describe what mine and my brothers lives were like when she drank. It was a very traumatic childhood tbh