To dread this holiday to Italy with a friend

[needtimealone]

So my friend invited myself and ds to Italy with her and her twin boys. She has a house out there and is going to stay there.

I'm nervous generally anyway but I've come to absolutely dread it.

I'm naturally a tom boy, hair pulled back and a little make up, I actually think I look OK.

When I went round my friends house on Monday she spent the time telling me that I have to go shopping to go to Italy because the people there will be looking at me and judging me, that even people she hasn't spoken to in years will talk to her just to see who I am and they will pass judgement on what I wear. (she is Italian if it makes any difference).

She's told me that while I'm there I can't pull my hair back as "were on holiday after all".

I'm not one for doing all my hair and make up and wearing very girly clothes. I'm dreading going now and just feel like what's the point. Ds and I are very adventurous and I'm an introvert, I don't even know how I'm going to get some time alone. I already feel stressed. It's ds (6) first time abroad and at first I was excited...

Gosh my English is terrible when I write posts.

Anyway she's saying she is excited but according to her Italian people care alot about what you wear and look like and I HAVE to make an effort.

:( I'm never untidy or anything

She doesn’t sound very nice really.
Last thing I want to do when on holiday is worry about faffing with my hair and makeup and getting dressed up!

Just tell her now that you won't be dressing up or wearing your hair down if you don't fancy it. Bloody hell.

How well do you know her?

You know what? I'd just tell her you've changed your mind and go and do something you'll enjoy more. You don't want to be feeling as if you're being judged all the time and she's going to be a right pain in the arse telling you to dress up all the time.

She sounds really really rude. You’ll be fine as you are, ignore her.

p.s. I've stayed in Tuscany with a friend many times and there was definitely no pressure to dress up, She and her family were definitely in the dress down category as well.

Ive known her for about 3 years and there's always the odd dig that I'm "not a woman" because I don't know how to walk in heels and all that. To be honest I love jumping on a mountain bike and going on long rides... That's who I am. I'm tempted to tell her ds passport hasn't arrived and then not go. It's causing me nightmares 🙄

I’ve been to Italy a few times and I look like shit mostly. No one pointed or stared...yes they tend to be appearance conscious but not to the extent she is implying.
Are you staying with her?
Take your son and go off for the day under the guise of “giving her some space”.
The other option is to be honest with her and explain how you feel. Depends how well you know her.

I think I agree with Flyme. I would be having second thoughts about going tbh.

Is pulling out an option?

Nightmares? Don't go.

"When I went round my friends house on Monday she spent the time telling me that I have to go shopping to go to Italy because the people there will be looking at me and judging me, that even people she hasn't spoken to in years will talk to her just to see who I am and they will pass judgement on what I wear."

She is talking utter, utter bollocks. Just do what makes you feel comfortable. I have holidayed in Italy several times over the last few years and haven't noticed that the Italians are particularly smart, or smarter than anyone else really.

Where in Italy are you going?

Really? I have been to Italy many times & no one seems to be that interested in appearance. Unless you are going to Milan which is more fashion conscious. She is being ridiculous.

Have to say I went to Milan once and everybody looked simply fabulous. Gorgeous hair, expensive looking immaculate clothes, beautiful accessories, all slim and lovely looking. I'm not sure what they do with all their frumpy people......maybe they bus them out to the countryside or something.

Anyhoo, I looked like I usually do a hot mess and I didn't feel judged in the slightest. Who knows...maybe behind their designer sunglasses they were having a good old judge-fest but if they were I wasn't aware of it.

Just go as you are OP and have a nice hol with your DS x

I don't want to give the location away as it may out me, but it's about an hour away from Venice and a bit rural.

Thing is, she's more bossy than me and I'm more reserved. When I was around there on Monday I said no about 5 times to her doing my hair but she wouldn't have any of it. Ended up curling all my hair to which I left promptly after and brushed it all out.

I may have to tell her but then I dread that conversation too. I just want to go and relax but it feels like such a pressure on me. I just want to get up and go out.

Another issue is that ds broke something around her house, she doesn't care and wouldn't accept payment but said I can watch her ds's while she does some cooking for her youtube channel she's about to start. This is fair enough in theory but I feel this may take about 4 hours and they're young so I don't know, maybe I should pull out

Just to say we can get on like a house on fire. The pressure being loaded on like this is new and I'm not liking it. Thank you for the positive memories about Italy, its really helping

Don't go. You'll be worried and miserable the whole time about what you're wearing. When I go on hols I don't take any make up or hair stuff, if it's hot it's the last thing you feel like.

She doesn't sound very nice. If she's your friend she should accept you as you are.

Fuck that, i’m in Milan and Italian and I go out in shorts and Birkenstocks when I’m not working or at a party. She sounds she’s from a provincial town, they often overdo the dressing up for the struscia (passeggiata) which is a source of some hilarity from the Milanese. I can assure you no one will be looking at you if you dress like a tomboy, one of my friends is never out of jeans and has a boyish crop, never wears make up etc., and no one gives her a second glance.

Have you paid for flights?

I think you need to be really honest with her and tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will be mortified and STFU.

She sounds really very unpleasant. Tell her that you judge women who wear high heels, make up and fanny about with their hair for ages. ask if she feels she's not naturally good looking and that's why she needs all this styling.
Then tell her to shove the holiday

Can you get different accommodation? I couldn't bear that kind of pressure. She sounds like an arse.

I've been to Italy a handful of times, and yes SOME people (by no means ALL) look very chic in the cities when going to work or going out, but are just as casual and relaxed as we are in holiday mode. If you dressed up for the beach, they'd think you were trying too hard!

If your friend is embarrassed by your appearance, she isn't your friend and can fuck off.

Don't go OP.

For her to have even mentioned those things means it's really important to her (shallow bitch)

You'd be on tenterhooks the whole time.

Don't do it.

Take no notice. If she's known you for 3 years she knows what you're like. You don't have to dress up to look good. Take shorts and explore the countryside, go cycling, enjoy this opportunity.

I think that if you went, you'd spend half the time arguing, and the other half in silence with her quietly seething at you for not looking good enough. What sort of holiday is that? I'd seriously consider cancelling.

Just tell her that maybe Italian people do care about what they wear & appearances (and this is something that I have heard said several times) but you are not Italian so it doesn't apply to you. The comment about knowing how to walk in high heels sounds a bit 1950s to me. I think you might need to tell her this is making you uncomfortable and it is not the type of holiday you planned for you and your son.