Is this a racist thing to say - (...not by me.....)

[WhatThePuck]

“Generally Mixed race children are the most adorable”

As the parent of a mixed race child, I hear this kind of comment quite often. It's generally kindly intended, but I do find it rather odd. It isn't as if mixed race kids are one homogenous group with common features. However, I don't go looking for reasons to be offended, so I usually just nod and smile, and then keep going about my business!

I expect what they were trying to say is many mixed race babies have beautiful features associated with both races so therefore, best of both worlds.

But it just sounds... odd.

No and it's not true all babies are fucking ugly

This! I was convinced I’d given birth to a goblin when DD arrived.

I don’t know if it’s racist. It could be offensive though. It sounds like one of those awkward comments people make when they’re not sure what the right thing to say is.

I think Scrubs and MeToo have it (although not about Keanu MeToo as he is obviously the most beautiful man ever, I digress).

But yes, it's said by white people, to signal that they have noticed the difference and it's acceptable, nay, adorable. So not only slightly racist but a bit fucking patronising too.

butlerswharf

I don't think it's racist. I also have a mixed race child if that's relevant.
but it’s definitely odd and othering I just could t imagine going up to an Asian mum and saying oohhh Asian children are so beautiful
I may say you child is cute but why would I mention their race

I think we live in a society where being seen to be racist is one of the worst things you can be. We're hyper conscious of race and racism.

I think things like this are said, almost like verbal diarrhoea, to try to convey that the person saying it is not at all racist. They want the person they're speaking to to know that they're not like that and they're fully on board with BAME and mixed race people. I think whoever said it would be horrified to be thought of as racist.

I don't think it's said with any bad intent but it is a bit of a weird thing to say... often said, I believe, without actually thinking through what they're saying.

Many mixed race kids are cute. Many kids are cute.

This is eye opening!

I am mixed race. My siblings and I are all different shades of brown.

My husband is mixed- from a different group of ethnicities. My children are very mixed- there isn’t a box to tick that covers it all.

I love when people comment on my children and their features, because I think genetics is fascinating. Not because I think they are better or worse than anyone else. And honestly, I do think I find adults and children of mixed ethnicities more striking. I didn’t realise that this could be perceived as racist. I will certainly be careful who I share my thoughts with in the future!

Didimus

It sounds like one of those awkward comments people make when they’re not sure what the right thing to say is.

That in itself is an odd to say, why should it be an awkward situation to meet a mixed race child?

I’ve got white kids, am I’m pregnant with a mixed race child..

Babies are mostly ugly, but mine have grown into good looking kids (biased I know...), I’m sure my next offspring will be equally ugly then gorgeous 😊

I also have mixed race nephews (various races) and while they are beautiful too, they are no more or less than my white ones 🤷🏻‍♀️

rocketpocket
Agreed not racist but twatish

That in itself is an odd to say, why should it be an awkward situation to meet a mixed race child?

I didn’t say it was an awkward situation. I said it was an awkward comment. People do it a lot, it’s part of being human. You want to say something, in your haste/need to say something you get it wrong and it’s awkward.

Ilikeyourhairyhands I would imagine some people are slightly surprised when they meet a white mother with mixed race (dark) children.

Not necessarily because they're overtly racist. For some people I think it's just not the image they have in their heads.

So they immediately end up saying something like "mixed race children are always cute" or whatever before they've even thought about what they're saying because they genuinely are "ok" with mixed race people but were just taken aback when reality didn't match up at first...?

It's sort of an unconscious bias, in a way.

ILikeyourHairyHands

Didimus

It sounds like one of those awkward comments people make when they’re not sure what the right thing to say is.

That in itself is an odd to say, why should it be an awkward situation to meet a mixed race child?exactly why do you need to say anything about their race I have lived for 30 odd years and managed not to approach any mothers about their child’s race

" If they are the same race, then their child isn’t mixed race. Finnish and Belgian are their nationalities."

but we are all the same race aren't we? (clue -"human")

rocketpocket

Ilikeyourhairyhands I would imagine some people are slightly surprised when they meet a white mother with mixed race (dark) children.

But we have tellys we know that mixed race people come in all shades Obama’ wasn’t exactly light skinned and he had a white mum

And as a black women if I say a white lady with a dark skinned mixed raced child I wouldn’t feel the need to say anything because mixed children come in all shades

Not racist just a really daft thing to say

You don’t Metoodear but not everybody is socially confident or capable and they say dumb things and have no idea why. You can bet your bottom dollar they’re facepalming themselves as soon as they’ve walked away.

But Didimus, you're admitting yourself there that a person that says this is a bit confused and unsure what to say when coming face to face with that incredibly rare species the mixed race child.

Unless you've been living in an incredibly closed community, it's hardly a noteworthy thing to happen.

Metoo: agree with you but I'm just trying to think what comes over some people that makes them feel the need to say this.

I know that in the past I have had white work colleagues who have had mixed race children and before I met them I didn't actually know they were mixed race so I suppose in my mind I didn't picture them to be. Luckily my brain works fast enough that I don't end up with verbal diarrhoea and feel the need to mention it. I can see how it's done though, I think.

If I was making characters up for a story I'd create them in different shades etc but when I'm not really thinking about it too much I just picture everyone as "like me" (a white middle class woman in her thirties with a husband and a mortgage and 2.5 white children)

Well that is exactly what I didn’t mean but go ahead and read between the lines and then some.

People say stupid stuff. That’s it. People say stupid stuff to anyone. Some people get confused and flustered talking to anyone and that’s my point. It happened to be a mixed race child in the OP but there was clearly no malicious intent, just a misjudged comment where the speaker’s intentions didn’t get put across in a wholly appropriate way.

Didimus makes a good point. Some people are just awkward and scrabble around for something/anything to say. It's something obvious, right in front of their faces and they just say it.

I don't know exactly why, but I don't think it's racist or meant with any bad intent. Just a bit weird and probably annoying to hear.

I'm not saying it's malicious Didimus, but why should it cause fluster? It shouldn't.

The very fact it does is indicative.

(I have two children, by the same father, who look wildly different. One is the brown face peeping out in a school photo, the other, peaches and cream), I know it causes fluster.

I've had people asking me if they have the same father (there's 15 months between them. Why the fuck would you ask that?).

I have had these comments from people of all races, had black women make some horrible comments about being brown my hair my freckles. The Bob Marley documentry touched on this relating to some black people seeing mixed race people as outcasts when he was growing up.
The belief that being mixed race intitles
me to privilege without working hard. My brown mixed looks got me to where I am not my skills and brain attitude.
Slave generation mentality is still alive and well keeping people oppressed today some Black people still do face prejudice to a higher degree than mixed raced people and it is so wrong. Even the Christian God the older generation were taught across the empire is depicted as White churches owned slaves and in order to not be a savage you must leave your so called primative religion's and join the one true white God a high percentage of the British church goers in the UK are from former colonized counties im not saying belief in God or any religion is wrong but I do find it ironic that it has been a tool for oppression in those same cournties and the desendants still exalt it and forget the rich history of Africa not just Egypt. Africa always seems to be portrayed in a negative light along with Africans and even African history was forgotten in colonized schools the very history of the pupils being taught. Learning about WW2 in my school made me feel very proud of the people that fought for our freedoms. If a group doesnt have access to its History it is lost in the negative connotations put on it.
It is still deeply instilled in many black people over many generations that White is divine and black and dark is not. Popular board games white goes first or you have to illuminate black its not coincedence.
This entrenced belief in some that being even slightly whiter must me better than being fully black. I am not generalizing this has been my personal experience I want people to love and embrace their heritage and culture not see it as a disadvantage. Even calling each other the N word I dont see many other Races using degrading language to one another as a term of endearment and is promoted by youth music and gang culture black and mixed race women are seen as nothing but bitches for male gratification is this the vision of the black and black mixrace community I want to see? No but gang culture sex drugs and violence sells more than positive messages about being black or mixed loving learning your own African culture.
The beauty industry plays to this too and I feel a pressure on ethnic minority women to fit in with western beauty ideas marketing straight hair weaves from China all the way to sinister skin bleaching products sold all over the world. Natural Afro hair seems rare now I would love to see more of it Iam glad for the natural hair movement starting to gain pace, because mixed race people can have afro hair too and like me have felt under to pressure to iron out the curl from both white and black family and friends I tell them my hair my rules!! Its always 'oh I bet your hair would be so long and shiney if it was straight. I love my curls too much and even for us mixed race girls with curls I would like to see the curls embraced more. People should have a choice but we should be free to express our identity, schools have sent home children with dreadlocks and braids as they deemed it a extreme hairstyle tied up not in anyones way I dont see anything wrong they are a expression of Asian and African culture freedom of expression ,gluing bits of chinese hair on your head for a wig
lace front can be seen as extreme but as it fits in with European beauty standard its fine.
I learnt to not always make this presumption that it is just White people who because of Brexit UKIP and EDL are racist. Being from a diverse background I think there are racial tensions between all the races and even within their own race.
I have found some White people somewhat misguided like the all mixed kids are pretty comments but I have never found it malicious as Im mixed as is OH and thus our kids at least its something that tends to be complementary all be it a strange untrue generalisation that I soon correct them about and thats the key Im honest when they say some things I dont just nod along racism is mainly lack of understanding. Many people dont seem to get you can't put mix race people into a single category as people cannot instantly tell what race we are everyone is mixed in some way.
People have said some racist comments to my OH regarding Black people as they think he is White when he isnt and will be of the same vile racist mind as them. I get comments about my DD as she is blonde and blue eyed but if the child is fair skinned with European features I get this assumption that as someone brown I could never have a child lighter than me. As I have two DC my ds looks like me same skin tone dd looks like her dad but fairer skinned than him. Many times people have asked am I her childminder I even had some old lady thinking she was Madeline Mccann which is ridiculous in it self as Maddie would be wayyy older than my DD but just because she thought it was strange that I could have a fair child.
Its just misguided you cannot expect acceptance from everyone. I think more understanding will come in time and the UK is so diverse that more couples will face possible race issues with their children. I just don't think it is always intended to racist and nasty.
I think people are so preoccupied with skin tone when you speak to the person they may not be the racial sterotype they appear to be. My DM is Pakistani and British. Pakistani people tend to presume that Iam full Black and are shocked that I can speak Punjabi and grown up around Pakistani culture. When I have had to attend Mosque for family events and wear a headscarf people have presumed im Arab or a African Muslim. Race and religion seem to be intertwined too even white Muslims face some prejudice perhaps from their parents or within the Asian community. My mum did and shes only mixed it took a while for her dad to accept a black man and a non muslim marrying his daughter but he married outside his race and culture so how can he really say anything is it marrying a white woman is better than marrying a black man? I think it was the fact he was black more than a non Muslim than anything as he never pressured him but he put all that aside and I have been lucky to experience so much.
There is also a stereotype I have seen put on younger white mothers that if the have a mixed race child daddy must not be around. My friends have had this unfortunately. Its all stereotypical racist clap trap we need to move on from race and looks now and learn to be more culturally aware. Sorry for the essay im just passionate about this there was a post on here about being mixed race can be draining and some of the above is why.

@rocket

If I was making characters up for a story I'd create them in different shades etc but when I'm not really thinking about it too much I just picture everyone as "like me" (a white middle class woman in her thirties with a husband and a mortgage and 2.5 white children)
ahh I see

Well quite MeeToo, I would suggest you have a limited outlook Rocket...