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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain about TA comment

500 replies

dungandbother · 19/07/2018 13:42

Dd was told off by a (strict) TA to untuck her PE T-shirt because it didn't look right.

I am outraged that she would comment on the appearance of a child and how they choose to wear their PE kit.
Yr 6 if it matters.

DD always tucks her shirt in because she doesn't like the feel of the waistband on her skin - no matter which uniform she's wearing.

Should I write and complain ?

OP posts:

crazychemist · 20/07/2018 18:21

I'm with petrolpump. Assassination is the only way forwards from here.

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:22

TA is being paid peanuts and is basically a teacher on one third of the money.
Get over yourself.

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:23

But would you have commented on how a child wore her PE kit when there was no rule saying she couldn't wear it tucked in ?

because she is clearly a miserable old cow.

If it had been Mr Trendy down with the kids TA however.......

Liliuk · 20/07/2018 18:23

Why are these answers so deamining? I agree it's not worth complaining because teachers have way more pressing matters to deal with, but it is an annoying and silly remark from the TA. And OP doesn't deserve all that amount of judging.

youarenotkiddingme · 20/07/2018 18:23

Some people are just rude.

It appears most are on this thread and 1 is a TA in your DD school.

No - an adult with authority shouldn't be telling your dd she looks weird with a t shirt tucked in. Especially nowadays with all policies and guidelines around boosting MH and increasing body image self confidence in girls.

I wouldn't complain though - I'd be glad she's getting out of there.

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/07/2018 18:26

petrolpump28

So anyone that is not happy with their pay gets to comment on things that are not rules ???? The school doesn't have a rule which states your top must be worn outside of shorts. If they did then the TA would have been correct to say what's he did.

Toomanydecisions · 20/07/2018 18:27

I wouldn't bother complaining. The situation is over and done with. I don't think it would be classed as bullying (even if a child has said it) and I do think a complaint is an over reaction. You have no idea what your DD looked like in PE kit, she may have had her shorts pulled right up under her arms....

TA shouldn't have said 'stupid' maybe meant 'silly'. But your complaint will go no where.

buttercup54321 · 20/07/2018 18:27

You sound ridiculous. Ffs stop being so precious over ickle diddums and get a grip.

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:34

heres a thing.....theres something called authority....its boring and tedious but hey thats how it is. It will come at you thick and fast in Secondary school and work so suck it up.

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:36

1.bully
a person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

dragonara53 · 20/07/2018 18:36

Unprofessional my arse.

Beeziekn33ze · 20/07/2018 18:39

Still waiting for the answer to the riddle.
How high IS a ponytail?

Carriecakes80 · 20/07/2018 18:39

Bare with me, but I feel for your girl, she must have been a bit embarrassed, but she will be ok. Its not bullying, its a teacher being a teacher, in charge of a load of kids, having to say the same things time and time again, it happens.

If any of my lot came home and told me that a teacher had told them not to wear their shirt a certain way, I would have shrugged it off, and said 'Teachers eh!' and it would be forgotten.

Don't bring your kids up to take umbrage at every comment they don't like...smile, shrug it off, ignore and save your outrage for the bigger stuff, and everyone will be much happier!

Boulty · 20/07/2018 18:40

OP (originally) says

"untuck her PE T-shirt because it didn't look right"

not stupid, or silly or anything else... it just didn't look right.... suddenly this TA without the parent actually hearing it is a bully/is ridiculing a child... etc etc

Seriously

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/07/2018 18:41

petrolpump28

I have one child at primary and one at secondary. I don't think we should teach our kids that they have to 'suck it up' when adults behave wrongly. My kids have respect for their teachers but I also teach my kids that adults including teachers are not always right. Not questioning authority, ever, is dangerous, it's what allowed awful things to happen to many children in the past at the hands of people in positions of power. Just look at the huge amount of historic abuse cases we are dealing with.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 20/07/2018 18:42

I wouldn't bother writing about it, I'd just remind my daughter that she's perfectly at liberty to wear her sports top any way she fucking likes

FaveNumberIs2 · 20/07/2018 18:44

I think you should complain. I’m deck of seeing untucked kids’ shirts in schools. I’m sick of schools telling me that they are “getting children ready for business life” and ten telling them to untuck shirts. In fact, I think everyone, teacher, student, working adult should tuck their bloody shirt tails in!!

Ffs.

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:47

Abuse,secrecy is vile. A person in public telling a child to adjust his/her clothing is just that.
GET A BLOODY GRIP.

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/07/2018 18:51

petrolpump28

If you read my post you will see I never said it was abuse, obviously. But you said:

heres a thing.....theres something called authority....its boring and tedious but hey thats how it is. It will come at you thick and fast in Secondary school and work so suck it up.

I just stated that it's dangerous to never question authority. Being in authority doesn't give a person the right to make up rules and pick at things. That's all.

DiWoo · 20/07/2018 18:52

As an isolated incident with your DD about to leave the school, I wouldn't write a letter. If the TA said something that was personal rather than because your DD wasn't following rules then no, it's not right but the TA is human and at the end of term, no-one's perfect all the time.
If this is yet another incident with this TA, (but with your DD still about to leave) I would maybe have a quick word with someone, as they may be gathering information to build a case (for want of a better expression), I would however have already spoken to someone about the TA if this was the case. I would also be half expecting not to have been told the full story by my DD

petrolpump28 · 20/07/2018 18:54

yes but we have to apply some common sense. A lot of abuse is in secret and targeted, very sad.

Not a TA telling some body in public to sort out their clothing.

Theflying19 · 20/07/2018 19:03

The most important thing is for your child to understand that the TA was in the wrong and adults in positions of power are not always right. I'd encourage my child to wear the t shirt as she likes and give my child some appropriate words to say if ta says anything again. You have the Summer ahead of you. Relax and reassure
If it happens again in September I'd be in there like a shot. Not angry but seeking to understand the situation. If there's nothing more to the situation than the TA making personal comments then I'd be livid.

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/07/2018 19:07

petrolpump28

Again, I didn't say this was abuse. My comment about abuse was purely in answer to you saying we have to accept authority regardless of circumstances.

In OPs case I have already said that I wouldn't bother to complain but I would use it as an example to my child of how adults including teachers can be wrong. The TA in authority made up her own rule, seemingly for no reason, so I concluded she's just a miserable cow.

Lizzie48 · 20/07/2018 19:09

It was definitely a completely unnecessary telling off from the TA. Why does it matter whether the shirt is tucked in or not? And she really should have told her this discreetly rather than in front of her mates.

Image is important to 11 year olds, and being told she didn't look right in front of everyone would have been humiliating.

Personally, I would just reassure my DDs that there was nothing wrong with the way they looked, and teachers are human and handle things badly sometimes.

It's about picking your battles.

whiteroseredrose · 20/07/2018 19:13

I despair. If you want to complain about this god help us when something actually happens.

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