To complain about TA comment

[dungandbother]

Dd was told off by a (strict) TA to untuck her PE T-shirt because it didn't look right.

I am outraged that she would comment on the appearance of a child and how they choose to wear their PE kit.
Yr 6 if it matters.

DD always tucks her shirt in because she doesn't like the feel of the waistband on her skin - no matter which uniform she's wearing.

Should I write and complain ?

Rolls eyes.
Gives up.

Yep, i feel the same reading this

‘Targeted’ in what way was your dd Targeted?
For one comment?
What did the TA say? As you’ve said two completely different things.

Who is doing PE this close to the end of the year 🙈 (England based) what year 6 class has a TA for PE?! (England state based)

Let it go OP

I have no doubt about the fact the child was told their t-shirt didn't look right.

But what I do question is

1. why the fucking hyperbole over the comment? Y

2. what do you hope to achieve by complaining?

Fluffy the child was told not to have her shirt tucked in. How can a tucked in shirt be too scruffy??

Honey I imagine she’s in PE kit because of the heat.

Squeaky This thread surely demonstrates that teachers and TAs can do whatever they like, if anything - most people think this is fine!

River tam... it's been hot for 2 months. Summer uniform.....

I’ve just read on here that on hot days kids have been allowed to go in wearing PE kit. DD is at a non-uniform school so we have none of this nonsense, she’s been in shorts and a t shirt for the whole term!

It's an odd and probably unnecessary comment to make, but justifies no further reaction other than rolling eyes privately and dismissing it as trivia.

I have experienced a complaint over something originating in something so trivial. Teenager in non uniform trousers. School in uniform clampdown. Ask why she is in non uniform trousers. Recieve lengthy Vicky Pollard "yeah but no but" style response. Request she untucks her sweatshirt from her trousers to make it less obvious that trousers are non uniform by hiding detailing on waist. Further channelling of Vicky Pollard in response. Detention issued for the arguing, trousers referred to in comments.
Complaint recieved that I am regularly picking on daughter and insensitive to the circumstances leading to non uniform trousers. Hours wasted on going through detention records for girl and class to prove that I am not picking on her and detentions issued were reasonable and meeting held with parents, daughter and senior staff. HoD recalls being involved in previous incident where girl had disrupted an assessment over a trivial issue and escalated by non complience with staff. Outcome of meeting: uphold school's policies, which is what I was doing anyway

I'm not suggesting that OP's daughter is involved in any secondary issues, but complaints over trivial matters (especially when darling children omit significant details) are major time wasters and add significant stress to staff who are already over worked, and quite honestly make the parents look daft.

This is not unconnected with the serious recruitment/ retention problems in teaching. (OK it's a TA in the OP, still underpaid for the workload/ aggro as a profession)

Except you're making the story longer and unnecessary Urgent.

Darling child didn't omit any details. Darling child didn't embellish any details. Darling child stated her feeling were hurt and she was embarrassed. That is where darling child's story ends.
As her mother, I don't find it acceptable.

The TA is a 60yr old woman. One of her tasks is to lead friendship groups for the girls.

She is a total failure in my eyes.

OP - everything you are saying makes sense. My mind was boggled reading the comments. A lot of the comments lack perception, glad you can see that.

"It has everything to do with an adult ridiculing a child in a loud and accusatory tone. Yes my DD did use the phrase sharp to describe the TA's tone. Yes she was hurt. No she didn't show it. Yes she did as she was told." - TA clearly failed, what she did was completely unnecessary.

DS(14) was given detention as his top button was undone on his PE polo shirt.

Goodness, if a school gives detention for that, what on earth does it do to the unfortunates who forget their homework or uniform, or turn up late? Is it hanging, drawing and quartering?

I'm just baffled as to why you've enabled this alleged behaviour by not reporting her before? It seems it was OK for her to be sharp until your daughter was "targeted" shame you haven't spoken up before and saved your daughter the upset imo

You really are ' that ' parent.

It always amuses me when people on MN think all parents should spend their lives in dread of being "that" parent. If a bunch of teachers or indeed other parents want to be so unprofessional and petty as to stigmatise a parent in that way purely for registering that a TA with a history of acting unprofessionally has done it again, so be it.

You're going to have a lot of letters of complaint to write when your child reaches secondary school.
They might even send one back to you regarding your overzealous accusations if you have a tendency to overreact to things!

Life is unfair. We all at some point have people in positions of authority over us say things in tones we don't like or say things that we think are petty.
Unless you are independently wealthy, its something we all have to deal with. And dealing with that involves learning to choose your battles.

Life is unfair. We all at some point have people in positions of authority over us say things in tones we don't like or say things that we think are petty.

And that’s when you go over their heads and those people are disciplined. That’s when those people learn that their behaviour is not ok. That’s how things change. Or you can just do nothing and let these people carry on being horrible. Why would you though?

The TA is a 60yr old woman. One of her tasks is to lead friendship groups for the girls.

Is it?

What does her age have to do with it?

And what did you do in the end?

Any chance your dd misheard? Perhaps the TA was trying to be helpful and make her comfy in the hot weather and actually said: 'it looks a bit tight'? I mishear things all the time! And no, I'm not suggesting that there's any weight issues either.... Just a thought.

But I will comment on her un-professionalism to the class teacher.

If you must complain, please get your dd to talk to the teacher about it. She needs to learn to be her own self- advocate. I do understand, one of mine has sensory issues and I am already dreading yr7. However the new school are fully aware, she has been told to accept any comments initially but then go to her contact person at break time who will sort things out (If she has been unfairly treated due to her issues). The key thing is though that throughout yr6 I have been encouraging self-advocacy. She is now good at self-advocating. Sometimes she will come home and say 'X, y and z happened but I spoke to my teacher and I have sorted it out.' If it was something really important (which hadn't already been addressed) then I would still send an email/ talk to the teacher but would say that I had told dd to talk to them and let dd bring it up. I did speak to the teacher at the beginning of the year to set it up. It is really important that she is able to self-advocate as she has a number of disabilities and I am not going to be running around after her forever!

Secondary school is a different world she will have to stand up for herself there. You won't even know who the PE teacher is and your dd won't appreciate you going in every five minutes to complain.

Not sure what her age has to do with it, but if anything it suggests she's a highly experienced member of staff. If she has been given this pastoral role as well it indicates the school rates her approach.

Strictness is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm known for being strict with my pupils but it doesn't mean that I'm not also kind. Pretty much every single child I've ever worked with will have been reprimanded for something at some point by me because I set and maintain high standards. They understand this. They respond to it well because they know I also praise and reward good behaviour / results. I bet she does too but the power of a negative term (as you determine "strict" to be) negates that.

My pupils are much younger than the DD in this case (year 2). Of course I have said things they don't like, but that doesn't make me unprofessional; it is me communicating that they need to correct something so they have to deal it even if it seems trivial. In the 15 years I've been a TA I've never had a complaint.

School is far beyond just ABCs; it is also a place where we learn how to deal with authority, comply with rules and develop resilience. Use this experience and the overwhelming MN response to your reaction to teach your DD these things rather than seeking to get someone disciplined unnecessarily.

I think you should use this as an opportunity to teach your DD some resilience. Fine, acknowledge her hurt feelings but help her brush it off. Mum can't challenge everyone who hurts her feelings can she?
I seriously don't see you doing your daughter any favours by jumping in on this one.

seeking to get someone disciplined unnecessarily.

But really, the DD was 'disciplined unnecessarily'. This does seem hypocritical to me. The TA was wrong. Yes, as stated in my previous post, I would not bother with complaining in this instance. Because lots of teachers will be wrong but sometimes the least impactful way to deal with it is to forget it and move on. There are contexts where this would not be as possible, though. Picking on the wrong child like this could have a more devastating effect. Some children really are not capable of the same resilience. Added to this teaching resilience does not validate bad interactions between educational professionals and children.

You don't know that for certain. You weren't there. You have no idea what the true circumstances were. No matter how well mannered and polite this child is, I assure you that children of that age are well equipped to turn a story to their advantage to justify their embarrassment at being told off. My own well mannered and polite children have done as much themselves.

I assure you that children of that age are well equipped to turn a story to their advantage to justify their embarrassment at being told off.

And so are adults....

OP "AIBU?"

Whole of mumsnet- Yes

OP chooses not to listen and then changes story from "doesn't look right" to "stupid" in the hope someone will then agree with her
I don't think you are the one who should be rolling your eyes frankly. If the backstory of this TA is so important perhaps you should have explained that in the original op as now it looks like you are drip feeding in the hope you can justify your overreaction. You have linked your reaction to this one incident which is why people think you are being ridiculous.