To think chivalry is dead?

[CrispyBanger]

Got the train home today from London at rush hour. It was packed, not a spare seat to be had. At the front of the train there are always a few unreserved seats, including 3 sets of priority seating and 2 tables. I sat in a priority seat. Of the other priority seats, 3 were taken by men with a further 7 men in the table seats.

Obviously pregnant lady (with a baby on board badge for extra measure) got on and stood in the aisle as it was so packed. I looked around expecting someone i.e. a man to offer their seat but no one did. I stood up and she took my seat.

Now, obviously there's a slim chance that the other people in the priority seating had non-visible seating needs but it's unlikely they all did. Am I showing my age or is it no longer the done thing to offer a seat to the elderly/pregnant ladies etc?

Incidentally, when I stood in the aisle a man sat at the table offered me his seat . So he didn't feel like he should offer it to a heavily pregnant lady but he did to a an obviously non pregnant lady?

if you were out with your husband or on a date, or with any man for that matter, and there was one seat on the train and he just plonked himself in it, you are honestly saying you’d be fine with that?

Just sit on his lap, problem solved.

I don’t know, maybe it’s an age thing and you’re all much younger than me? I’m 41 and DH a few years older.

I'm 51 next month.

36. Bf 49

I'm 92 soon.

(not really, just being chivalrous to make the ladies feel younger, and hoping someone will give up their seat for a doddery old git)

I’m not sure there is any such thing as ”normal” though, it’s just what’s normal for you. I never thought DH and I are unusual at all really.

Torn 😂

I don’t know, maybe it’s an age thing and you’re all much younger than me? I’m 41 and DH a few years older.

I am 36 and dp is 39. My
Mum and dad who have a similar attitude are 64.

So no it's not age. I suppose I just have a family where people do things for eachother because that's what we do. We don't categorise it into genders.

I'm 46. The only man I've known open a car door for me is in his 80s and is a baronet. I didn't argue. (But it does show how much chivalry is bound up with codes about class and gender).

Actually an lovely man opened a car door for me once.

Serves me right for leaving my keys inside the ignition.

#AAManStoleMyHeartAndCostMeAFortuneTheCheekyGit

😂

at "why can't he break the habit"?! What sort of Neanderthals are people used to these days that anyone with a modicum of grace and good manners would be accused of being a misogynistic arse who could break the habit of behaving well if only he tried hard enough?
God love you...

I was thinking earlier (on the tube)! that it’s quite easy to be kind of gender neutral in London today as most people work in offices or shops where neither sex could be said to have an advantage or disadvantage. People (including me) are quite cushioned.
Where I grew up (in another country - quite basic by London standards), there were more distinct roles because it was more about survival, in a way. I don’t mean we ever starved, but men did the outdoor work snd women were mainly around the home and nobody ever quibbled about sexist roles because it was simply about the necessity of getting stuff done in the quickest way. There wasn’t really time to ponder the ins and outs of who did what and why. Women were never seen as weak because we’re not, but people just acted out of necessity.

misogynistic arse who could break the habit of behaving well if only he tried hard enough?

If you actually read the thread, that was in response to a poster saying it was ingrained behaviour and just how he was brought up. I simply said he could change it if he wanted to. He doesn't. That's fine.

If you read the thread we aren't talking manners. We are talking about chivalry

It isn't always so easy to change something we're conditioned to believe from a very early age.
It needn't be misogyny though. Often it's the opposite. It's conditioned into some men that this is the way to show respect for a lady.

Of course, there are many other (and better) ways to show respect than to perform what is essentially a ritualistic gesture, but many very decent men were taught by fathers and mothers alike that this is an honourable thing to do. Unlearning that can take a lifetime.

Of course I get in the car by myself all the time. It’s just if I’m with DH he’ll get the door for me generally. I think you’ll find most husbands would do this

They really don’t.

They really don't. It's an overt gesture that might be used on a special occasion, but park in Tesco for 20 minutes and see how many car doors are opened for a woman. A big fat 0.

Generally when DH and I go out it’s in his car which is very low. It’s hard to get out in heels (or any shoes tbh) if there is a kerb so this is why he would help me. Same with taxis etc and until this thread it never occurred to me that anyone would think this is misogynistic. It really is not.

I drove a low 2 seated soft top. You can get out in heels. I would never made it into the office if I hadn't have been able to. Heels and dresses.

Mind you, it was an old one. I used to have to open the door for Dp. It only worked from the inside

well you offered the pregnant person a seat, so that the other people there did not need to.
What's the problem?

Pregnant person?

I have spent my entire adult life trying to hammer nails into the coffins of outdated, patronising concepts such as ’chivalry’.

I earn my own living, own my own house, pay my own way, drive my own car and am quite capable of operating the doors myself.

Either we are equal to men or we are not. It is incredibly irritating that in 2018 some women still only want equality when it suits them.

If we are equal, then we should give up our seats for those who need them more, not just wait for someone with a penis to do it first.

yes pregnant person, what is wrong with that?

You mean pregnant woman. Men can’t be pregnant.

Vashna
You're really rather strange