AIBU to think 'get it all over with' instead of 'space it out'

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Am 6 months pregnant with first child. Pregnancy has been great in some senses, but I struggle with anxiety at night. I had depression in the first couple of months but it actually helped me to make some important life changes. In the evenings I hate being pregnant, in the day it's mostly fine though I'm not up to doing as much as before and haven't been throughout.

When the baby comes I won't be breastfeeding and DP will be the main carer. I will also be at home and only work about 4 hours a day.

Ive always wanted a big family. My DP wants one too, probably about 6 or 7. I'm 28.

Now I'm thinking just have the next one close together with this one (think immediately pretty much) despite disliking being pregnant.. And have as many as I can in quick succession. To grin and bear the pregnancy thing and the stage where they'll all be young just for the benefits (as I see it, a big family is a benefit) later? In about two years or so we will be able to afford a full time nanny and a part time one.

What do you think? Am I crazy as hell?

Most people do not go through that though vast

I think you are seriously deluded, not only to consider just popping them out inspite of depression etc; but even the notion of bringing 7 kids into this screwed up world.
You will need a minivan, a massive house.......
Children are not puppies.

200k approx 10k a month, your childcare bill could easily be 5k.

I think the big, happy family thing is very difficult and you have to love kids OF ALL AGES. Older kids/ preteens/ teens are harder work than babies. And a lot of emotional investment. They don't just all get asking happily because they're close in age! You will be a constant referee from the ages of about 3-18. Good luck!

It sounds like you’re a perfectionist. It isn’t normal to be planning for another 5 or 6 children before the first isn’t even born. You need to experience parenthood first. Take one step at a time otherwise you risk missing out on the wonderful experience of a new baby. Planning for the future and trying to control the unknowns is making you more anxious, not less. I know that’s hard to believe. Living in the moment is amazing.

When I was pregnant I had all these ideas about returning to work etc once a baby is here your priorities change! I would wait until you have given birth and deal with the sleepless nights etc before you start planning more........

Whatever you decide make sure you have a back up plan should your finances go tits up

Not sure if that comment was aimed at me @candyflip and if so why it's a ridiculous statement. I think most parents would agree that it's hard to divide your attention between two young children, practically, emotionally etc. I didn't say you stop enjoying your first born when a subsequent child comes along, I said I enjoyed giving my first all my attention for the first 6 years before dd came along because it's true in my experience. I still enjoy both my dc, but my younger one, a toddler, demands more of my attention. Fact. My older child is better able to deal with this because he's old enough for me to reason with and understand why I can't immediately get his dinner because dd is throwing a tantrum or sticking her fingers in a socket.

Seven babies with two-year gaps means the youngest goes to school when OP is around 45 years of age. That's the bit I find hard to take in, unless my arithmetic is wrong, that there will be babies then pre-schoolers at home until 2035, by which time there will be teenagers at the other end, and she will be perimenopausal.

Regardless of income, the emotional and physical toll will be enormous.

OP, are you basing your idea of a lovely large family on any paticular families that you know personally or have seen on tv?

I'm staggered by this post. Having children is the most stressful thing I've ever done. Quite how you can make decisions about having 6 or 7 when you are struggling with the first pregnancy and with MH issues is beyond me. I suggest you see how you get on with the first and take it from there, It took me three years to even consider doing it all over again.

I think that possibly your depression is making you look at this the wrong way. Having children isn't meant to be something you"get out of the way" and the realities of the benefits of a big family may not be what your thinking!
And I say this as a mother of 4 who earns enough to support us all working 3 (long) days a week whilst DH is a sahd but no nanny's etc.
We didn't set out to have a big family but took it as it came and when we thought we could manage another one started to try. There are 2-4 years between each child and even with us both at home a lot it's hard to meet their emotional needs never mind finding time and money for clubs and activities.
Take it how it comes. Maybe you will have 6 .maybe you'll stick with one. Neither is a achievement or a failure. The idea is that you stay happy,enjoy life and you give any child you have the best possible start you can. Take care

I think you should not be making any decisions on future family size until you see how you cope with the first one. As you have a history of depression, there is a significant risk of you suffering post natal depression, and the stress of trying to manage a large family may not be advisable.
There is also the environmental argument to consider. Our planet is already overpopulated, with consequent strain on the environment and pressure on natural resources. Having more than 2 or 3 children could be viewed as selfish.
Particularly as wealthy western children consume far more resources in their lifetime than third world ones.
Why do you feel you need so many kids? Surely a smaller number would be just as happy with their lives, and will have friends the same age to make up the numbers for playing games etc? Children often get on better with friends than they do with siblings in any case - there’s less competitive squabbling!

What are you going to raise them on, fresh air? Also what nobody tells you is that after multiple kids you will be incontinent later on!

Haha I love how you base your decision on pregnancy being bearable. You haven’t had the baby yet! Wait and see how you feel after they’ve been born. Birth/ recovery and actually having a baby might change your mind. Or it might not. Good luck with whatever you decide.

This is your first pregnancy. Wait till you've experienced the realities of being a parent before you start planning 6 or 7 babies. You may feel quite differently about it a year from now.

I have 6 children between the ages of 4 and 16, am a single parent, and work 4 days a week on a wage that's sufficient support us all (no benefits). It is possible! Oh and I bottle fed

Why would you need a nanny with one parent at home full time and one working very few hours? If it's to give you all a break or you think all the children will be too much work, perhaps consider a smaller, more manageable family.

So you're just popping the kids out and your dp and nannies are looking after them? Sounds delightful.

Ooh - sudden thought - OP are you one of those vlogger/YouTube people Zoella by any chance? That might explain the short hours and large income (and I agree with pp - you are going to need £200k pa plus for this to work).

Your first baby is a massive shock to the system and even for those of us who feel we were destined for motherhood, it is a huge learning curve. Took me six months to feel anywhere approaching normal again . Lack of sleep and hormones are a killer. I was 28 and tiny when I had my eldest and my new post birth body was something I had to get used to.
I always said I wanted three kids but stopped at 2.
Wait until you've done a year as a parent before you make any decisions..

We always had a notion of 2-3 kids. My body made a meal out of pregnancy and birth. We had a 2yr gap between the two DCs which was the minimum my body needed to recover from SPD and a CS. A repeat of SPD and a tough VBAC took even longer to recover from. DC2 was 3 by the time I felt physically able to repeat the process, but I was pushing 35 and feeling older than when I started. DC1 was starting school, DC2 was beginning to emerge from the whirlwind of toddlerhood and life was getting a bit simpler and more spontaneous again so I couldn't face resetting back to trashing my body and nappies etc all over again. We'd got a nice lifestyle with 2, we can satisfy their needs and reasonable desires without too much compromise. 3 would have changed that balance.

Had I have started earlier and/ or physically found pregnancy/ birth easier, we may well have had more children. But those were the circumstances we had.

Modern lifestyles are very loaded towards a maximum of 2-3 children. Any kind of enrichment becomes expensive and impractical. Holiday options for example become very limited. Family tickets for days out tend to be for 4 people. Pool ratios are 2 children per adult. More than 3 children is very unusual without a good support network because it is physically, mentally and financially difficult to meet modern expectations on child raising beyond that point.

Every child is an individual too. You really can't definitively plan a large family in advance as there are too many unknowns.

OP.

Personally I think having 7 kids regardless of age gap is rather selfish. It's not good for the planet or environment, if you care about those things? www.independent.co.uk/environment/children-carbon-footprint-climate-change-damage-having-kids-research-a7837961.html

It's great you are so well paid for short hours but I also wouldn't think any internet business has guaranteed longevity, so would be v wary relying on that as your only income source. Can you save a lot while you work? It sounds like you don't have much saved if you can't afford a nanny already?

Finally, like others have said, wait and see how you get on with this one first.

Having pregnancies in close succession puts you and the child at risk. It takes about two years for your body to replenish the lost nutrients from a single pregnancy so lots in quick succession definitely puts a large strain on your body. It also increases the risk of preterm labour.

I think it will be very difficult to provide that number if small children the attention they need. My DS still woke in the night as old as 3. Also dealing with a one year and a newborn during the night would have been terrible. What about when all the babies are crying and the toddler is throwing a tantrum? How will you get them all around (to the park, to playgroup). Who will be reading with the five year old after school when there are three or four young children crying in the house? Will you be able to cope if one or more of the children have disabilities or additional needs?

It doesn't get easier the more you have...

My judgement here is zero to do with working mothers and SAHD.

Literally I am working and my husband and I split the staying at home 50/50. I think it's wonderful when Dad's can be the main caregivers and women can have careers.

My call "poor kids" here is because OP doesn't actually sound like she gives a shit about these 6-7 babies she's planning on having.

She thinks her job is just to do the pregnant part, then palm them off to her DH and other paid caregivers. I just don't see the point in being a parent if you have the luxury of only having to work 4 hours a day if you don't want to seemingly spend any time with the kids?

If you're not going to enjoy them and see it as something to "get it all over with" then why bother?

The troll call is because I can totally imagine a 13 year old writing this as a pretending to be a grown up type post. Earns enough in 4 hours to sustain a household and 2 nannies. Wants 6-7 kids. Presumably has an imaginary 8 bedroom house bought with the 4 hours wage....

And if you're not a troll OP and this "internet business" is an MLM and someone upline is telling you that you can earn £100k on 4 hours work a day and in 2 years you'll be on £500k then the reality is probably they're lying and in 2 years time the business won't exist anymore.....