AIBU to think 'get it all over with' instead of 'space it out'

[NameChangedForThisQ]

Am 6 months pregnant with first child. Pregnancy has been great in some senses, but I struggle with anxiety at night. I had depression in the first couple of months but it actually helped me to make some important life changes. In the evenings I hate being pregnant, in the day it's mostly fine though I'm not up to doing as much as before and haven't been throughout.

When the baby comes I won't be breastfeeding and DP will be the main carer. I will also be at home and only work about 4 hours a day.

Ive always wanted a big family. My DP wants one too, probably about 6 or 7. I'm 28.

Now I'm thinking just have the next one close together with this one (think immediately pretty much) despite disliking being pregnant.. And have as many as I can in quick succession. To grin and bear the pregnancy thing and the stage where they'll all be young just for the benefits (as I see it, a big family is a benefit) later? In about two years or so we will be able to afford a full time nanny and a part time one.

What do you think? Am I crazy as hell?

Just see how you feel after having one.

ebay 😂😂

So what if your 'Internet business' wanes and your income is cut drastically? Your plan would not seem so idyllic then.

I agree with some pp, have one baby and then see how you feel.

My best friend wanted 7 children, she’s a real earth mother type, loved pregnancy, loved giving birth, adores having children. She has stopped at 4 (and is struggling with that number) as it’s all just so exhausting.

I went for space it out. I wanted time with each of my babies to really get to enjoy and bond with them. Having 5 years between felt like I got to do a bunch of 'firsts' all over again with DC2 which was wonderful.

I was part of a large family and never really had that with my parents so didn't want to repeat it with my own children.

I have 2 kids and want a big family although maybe closer to 5. I also feel like the younger kids are the less fun they are. Babies are boring. Toddlers are better but harder. The older they get the better they get.

But I had the first 2 18 months apart and I’m now planning the third for when my second is 4. Not just to get a good break from pregnancy to stop being fat but also because I have these two beautiful kids and I want to spend some time with them before spreading the attention thinner!!

User has echoed my thoughts. A large family is a great idea for many but my goodness they are time consuming and expensive as they get older. Think about after school clubs for 7 children. The cost and the commitment involved. Sometimes people don’t quite consider far enough into the future

Jaxteller - it depends who the reader is! It's odd on an anonymous forum to announce a fairly 'debatable' course of action such as deciding to not even try to bf and not explain why.

This argument relies on the idea that not breastfeeding at all is a 'debatable' choice (I'm assuming you mean the term in the sense of being questionable and strange rather than thinking you have a right to debate another woman about what she does with her body). That perspective in itself is a bit of a strange one, given that it's an entirely mainstream decision in the UK. About 25% of mothers don't initiate breastfeeding.

I appreciate that many on MN won't know anyone who was in this position, because it's so closely correlated with social class and this forum has a particular demographic, but 25% is a great many women. Or OP could be on one of the several medications that contraindicate BF (especially with the MH issues mentioned) or any number of reasons. In any case, it's about the least strange piece of information in the OP.

How much do you earn?! Working four hours per day you'd need to be making at the very least £60p/h JUST to afford your nannies and that's if you had very cheap nannies. That's not including the cost of seven children, mortgage, bills etc. Do you live in the UK? My husband and I are both fairly high earners and couldn't reasonably afford 1.5 nannies with two children. We could afford one at a stretch with him working ft and me pt.
So either you're living in a fantasy world, you're not real or you're more of a millionaire than a "high earner".

Heh. Have the first two, then report back. Good luck ;)

Do you not want to get to know your baby first? That’s a real little person in there, with his/her own personality. Not just “1 of 7”. I think that’s what’s getting to me about your post.

I recon see how it goes with the first, enjoy them, and then see if you still want 6 or 7!

First see how you feel once you've had the first one, then take it from there, it's a personal thing and only you can decide if you think it will be better for you and your family if having them all very close together is best.
FWIW though, I'd personally recommend having kids close-ish together would be better long term because I reckon it can be quite draining constantly being in the 'small child' era. My DM had 6 all spread out over 18 years, and that has meant that her whole adult life she has had young children, so less time to be herself and do adult things, almost 30 years of constant childcare, less time to be able to enjoy the older kids as older teens/adults because she's always had younger children that are more dependent on her etc.
Don't get me wrong, she's been a brilliant mum, and me and siblings are all very close, but I do think she is exhausted and can not wait for youngest sibling to start secondary school in September.

Sounds like you see them as a chore to get out of the way, not actual people.
We had 19 months between the first 2 and I was really upset for a while that DD1 didn’t get a very long ‘babyhood’ as she was very quickly the big sister.

Well if you want 6 or 7 then you're going to have to have them in quick succession to fit them all in.

As others have said, maybe have the first and then decide. Personally, I think you're crazy - and I say this having had two relatively easy babies. I really enjoyed giving my first all my attention for 6 years before dd was born, at which point ds was much more independent, wanted his friends more than us, and we've been able to give dd a lot of one to one attention too (for example when ds has sleepovers, or days out with friends). I admire anyone who can cope with two or three below 3yo, but I'm really happy with what we've done.

You may feel differently when your baby is born, however much you enjoy being a mum.

You can still enjoy your first born when subsequent babies come along. Ridiculous statement.

I think you should have the first baby and see how you feel. I have five, my first four were born within seven years, it was a slog. There are eighteen months between the first two. Tbh it was easier wrangling four under seven than it was having four aged 16 to 9. The teens and tweens are more demanding emotionally I think.
Even if you have nannies there is still an awful lot of work to be done outside of hours.
I would have liked six but number six never happened. I think having a large family has huge positives but the reality isn't like the Waltons it's high labour and sometimes pretty boring and monotonous.

Seriously how are you going to make enough on 4 hours a day to pay for one and a half nannies plus all the bills and the house and the car and the petrol running them from pillar to post amd the clothes and shoes esp for teens. And groceries will top £200 a week minimum once no7 is born and no1 is approx 12

You need to slow down a bit. I thought I wanted babies really close together, then when my daughter was born i changed my mind. I enjoy spending one on one time with her and felt like getting pregnant too soon would spoil that. For medical reasons I've been advised if I want more children to try sooner rather than later. I've been conflicted ever since.

Imagine if you have a baby with colic or you suffer PND, you don't want to put pressure on yourself or your husband to hurry up and have more. What if your baby is born unwell? Will you just crack on anyway? Enjoy your first baby and go from there, there's no rush

If you're earning £200k a year (and you'd have to be to support your plan) and only working 4 hours a day, who are you ripping off?

For context, our household income is £56k and we live in the midlands. Our mortgage is less than £500 a month and we will struggle to afford 1 kid.

You're either delusional or dishonest.

I would say you would need an income of at least 200k to afford 6-7 kids comfortably. Think of how big your house needs to be. Interested to know what tech job pay this for such little hours.

YY littlelionmansmummy, as OP is 28 now, if she wants 7 she's pretty much going to have to cram them in. Or at least try to. Many women are fertile well into their 40s but one cannot rely on this. The odds of miscarriage increase with age and it's the sort of plan that any longer end of normal TTC period could bugger up, iyswim. Only takes one 18 month delay in conceiving plus a miscarriage or two to make a one every two years plan not fit.

I would say you would need an income of at least 200k to afford 6-7 kids comfortably

I’d agree with this.

my sister inadvertently fell pregnant within a month of giving birth. Her body just wasnt recovered enough to carry him to term, she had him at 27 weeks, now has kids 7 months apart. Youngest was in intensive care for months, developed Necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC), has had large sections of his bowel removed, has special needs.....

There is a reason Doctors ask you about contraception after birth - you MUST give your body time to recover in between babies.

Poor attempt at trolling here op, very poor. -4 see me!